(Closed) Woes – money, fiance, parents – need hug

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Hive hug!

But first, I would tell the Fiance to back-off. Being aggressive towards your PARENTS is simply not acceptable. Yes, there is major reason to be upset but to argue over money with the in-laws (or soon to be inlaws) is rude and crass. The money was a GIFT. And honestly, how does it make you feel with having yor Fiance bash your parents because they didn’t give you “enough” money? Shesh.

That being said, breath! It will be okay! You’re going to be okay!

It may be the time to start looking into other ideas for a wedding. Maybe a community hall where you can decorate yourselves and bring in your own alcohol, which would help cut costs. Maybe a backyard wedding filled with friends and family that have amazing talents? If you’re truly flexible about what kind of wedidng you have, you could work some magik.

Please talk it over with the Fiance once he’s calmed down. Maybe his family will have an inside scoop on great, unknown places for weddings in the area? Maybe get married asap and plan a bigger reception later on his home-turf?

Breathe! It will be okay.

 

Post # 4
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh, a big, big, big hug first.  I’m sorry that this is happening.  Try not to freak.  There are some things that you can do and that might help.  First, talk to your Fiance and see how much the two of you can save together? 7k is a lot and might be hard for the two of you but if you can do 3 or 4K that is a good start. From your post, it seems that your parents have money. If they are not wanting to give you the full 15k, maybe they’d be willing to loan you what you need.  They can give you money and you pay them back after the wedding.

Also, try and think of things that you can cut out or have friends help with.  Example, you can do your own flowers, instead of musicians you could have a DJ, and shop around for finding your dream dress but at a lower cost. If you cancel the inn, is there a family or a friend’s backyard that you can have it at?

I know that it’s really hard to think of all the adjustments you’ll have to make but it can be done.  

On a side note, I don’t want to judge your Fiance, but he doesn’t seem to be very understanding. (There might be more to the story, though.) I just feel bad for you because you feel torn between your Fiance and parents.  He needs to remember that the money your parents are giving is a gift and should not be expected. So even though they are going back on their word, you can’t force them to give you the money.

Post # 6
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Oh sorry Kolodny, I should have been clearer. I knew he was talking to you and not your parents about this. But I meant that you having to hear it was sucky, especially at such an emotional time right now.

Post # 7
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Dude, that sucks. Especially to hear while holiday shopping.

Something about your post caught my attention. You’re getting married in Vermont where it’s convienient for his family… is his family kicking in any money? What were you and your Fiance planning on saving for the wedding?

Post # 9
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

hug. You’ll be okay. you have time to make some changes and you’ll end up with a beautiful wedding that is going to be full of wonderful memories.  it may not be what you originally planned, but it’ll still be gorgeous!

Post # 10
Member
1045 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2008

((hugs))  Don’t worry, you will get through this!

If saving an extra 7k for a wedding would take you five years of scrounging and “putting your life on hold,” please please please do not spend that 6k that you and your fiance could squeeze out of your accounts.  So many things can crop up in life that you’re not expecting, and you may need that 6k as a cushion someday soon.  Financial stability in your marital future is much more important than having floral centerpieces or a live band at the wedding.

You can definitely have a gorgeous wedding for 7k– it’s just going to take some readjusting and prioritizing.  If his parents are already hurt about not being involved, I say definitely utilize that resource, to help you find a new place to have the wedding.  

Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Hug. 🙁

I’m so sorry to read about your woes. But don’t despair… you really do have plenty of time to get things settled. And it’s a misunderstanding, and it’s the holidays. All good reasons to try to find the faith that this is going to work out and you’re going to have a beautiful wedding.

I would suggest the first thing to do would be to ask your fiance to ask his parents whether they can help at all with the wedding in any additional ways. And maybe at the time your fiance should suggest to them that if you two aren’t able to come up with the extra money, you may have to consider a different location altogether. $7K is a nice amount of money for a private destination wedding someplace luxurious. 🙂 It may not be what you originally envisioned, but I do see here that you’re making the sacrifice to have fewer family and friends present since they’ll have to travel to Vermont. Given the financial situation, perhaps your fiance may need to make the same sacrifice, and you get married someplace where both sides will need to travel.

I certainly don’t suggest that you use this to threaten them; however, if they realize that their output might be more for airline tickets, they might be willing to help in new ways.

If not, then give serious consideration to a destination wedding.

Just my two cents. Good luck. Hugs again.

Post # 12
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

ick ((HUGS))  can you see if switching your date to a non-busy weekend will decrease your costs?  perhaps you could go for a winter wedding or a late autumn one?  also can you skip the dinner for the weekend… did you mean the dinner for your reception?  Can you get married earlier in the day, perhaps in the afternoon or even have a great early morning ceremony and a brunch reception?

Post # 13
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I had a thought since my last post.

Weddings never used to be the way that they are now, where couples shell out tens of thousands of dollars on one day of their lives. Even our parents’ generation didn’t do this. At least not my parents’ generation. It’s only within the past two decades or so that weddings have taken on such massive proportions.

Think simple. Think what’s important. Forget about what you know and what you’ve seen. And remember that if your wedding looks and feels like every other wedding, it’s not going to be all that memorable to everyone.

Post # 15
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am glad things are starting to come together for you. I would send your future father in law a little gift. In the note, just put something saying thank you for the wonderful welcome/blessing for the wedding. If you send it, you can both be a little uncomfortable without haveing to be embarrassed in front of each other, but you will both know the other one is very thankful for the other one. I hope that makes sense.

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