Woman seems to have a crush on my husband

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What should I do?

    Continue as I’m doing

    Tell her to stop being thirsty

    Block her so she can’t text me

    Be nice to her

    Other

  • Post # 2
    Member
    2064 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    Hmm,  that’s a tough one, Bee.   For now, I would say continue doing as you’re doing.  Be polite, but not overly friendly.  Ignore her messages.  Have your husband continue to avoid being around her alone.  For now, she lives overseas, so it’s a rare occurrence that you’re having to deal with the craziness.  

    Where I might start amending and adjusting my behavior is if she moves back to the area permanently.  At that point, telling her to stop being so thirsty and then ignoring her seem like pretty decent options if it’s not going to affect your relationship with mutual friends. Given that they’re aware of her bizarre behavior, it probably won’t.

    Post # 3
    Member
    817 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

    Personally, I would tell her exactly how I feel about how she acts around your husband, and that both your husband and you find it highly inappropriate, uncomfortable and out of line, and that you’re distancing yourself from her for that reason. Clearly she thinks her behavior is okay, when it most certainly is not. Maybe someone blatantly pointing it out to her is what she needs in order to get the message loud and clear.

    Post # 4
    Member
    8212 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Personally I’d just continue as is. Blocking her is sure to incite more drama whenever you DO see her, which she’d probably love lol. I would make sure you don’t have read reciepts on though.

    Post # 5
    Member
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Idk, it doesn’t sound like she’s really done anything all that wrong, at least not yet.  My husband is very handsome and women are drawn to him like magnets, so I get it.  It can be annoying.  My husband handles things appropriately, too, like yours does.  I wouldn’t worry too much about this and certainly wouldn’t be rude to her just yet.  I voted to be nice.  Be nice but keep your eyes open, lol.  

    The last thing I would do is to let this woman think you’re threatened by her in any way.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2615 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    View original reply
    happyjuju :  I mean, you rarely see her and your husband clearly isn’t reciprocating her (potential) feelings, so I wouldn’t be that worried.

    The messages sound annoying, I wouldn’t block her since she is someone you have mutual friends with and she hasn’t really crossed a line yet. If it’s only monthly, I’d respond with a quick “Thanks, hope you’re doing well” or something. Don’t engage if you don’t want to.

    If she ever moves back and you see her more often and she continues to make you feel uncomfortable, that’s when I would approach her.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1293 posts
    Bumble bee

    Normally I’d be a bitch but I dunno, I’m starting to like myself better when I’m a bit less reactive, so I’d stick with what you’re doing. Though I’d also be curious to know what she wants so I’d probably entertain it a little just to find out!

    Post # 8
    Member
    3331 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    View original reply
    happyjuju :  get your husband to ignore her…

    Post # 9
    Member
    2166 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I think blocking this woman or making a big deal about her perceived attraction to your husband will only fuel the fire and reinforce her drama (if that is what she is going for). I say this is a non-issue. Carry on as you were.

    Post # 10
    Member
    10634 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    I’d just ignore her. If you have a good looking husband a lot  of this is par for the course. My husband gets women (well, mostly younger twenty somethings) that absolutely just bust it wide open all the time. As long as he acts right it’s neither here nor there. The only time I’ve had an issue with it was when someone was blatantly and repeatedly publically disrespectful towards me about it.

    Like it’s one thing to send him a private message hitting on him and go about your business when he turns you down, it’s another thing to publically sexually suggestively hit on him multiple times. To me that’s jus disrespectful to me. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    205 posts
    Helper bee

    I’d ignore the messages.  Inaction is sometimes the best action..

    Post # 12
    Member
    643 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2019

    I wouldn’t even bother lowering yourself to her level by actually calling her out on it. If you barely see this woman then let it be. Your husband clearly can’t stand her and avoidds being near her so you have no worries there. Pulling her up will only make her feel like she’s getting a reaction because you feel insecure your husband would respond positivly to her tactics (which he obv wouldnt).. trust me, someone that braizen to be hitting on other womans husbands in front of everyone thinks the world revolves around them! Ignore her, but continue to be civil in her company. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    3043 posts
    Sugar bee

    I agree with a lot of PP that most likely if you confront her or talk to her about it, things will only get worse. It sounds like she probably likes drama. She might even be wanting you to talk to her about it. 

    And I think as long as you and your husband can draw a line and she doesn’t do anything more, there’s no reason to stress. Now if she starts getting really inappropriate, reaching out via social media, etc. then I personally would put my foot down.

    I also am always curious in situations like this, what does her husband do? Does he notice? I always feel bad for their spouse 🙁

    Post # 14
    Member
    1597 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    View original reply
    happyjuju :  I’d ignore the messages, just like you would if it was anyone reaching out that you don’t particularly like. 

    Next time your in a social setting with her and she tries to pull your husband away, I think you should be a bit more proactive and say something like “I’m sure my husband isn’t interested in being alone with you” or whatever is relevant, and give her the stink eye.  That way she knows you know what she’s up to, but at the end of the day you can’t control her actions and it sounds like your hubby is doing a great job of not engaging. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    13537 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I think ignoring messages is generally rude, so unless it gets to the point where she’s stalking you I’d just reply civilly but tersely and briefly without much of an opening for a reply. Hopefully she’ll get the message after awhile. She may be totally unaware of what she’s doing, and think she’s only friendly, which of course is no excuse.

    I just don’t think it’s worth the drama to block her. Worry about it if she ever moves back. It sounds like your husband has her number in any event.

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