(Closed) Women and marriage

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Who is the book saying should pay for this?

Post # 4
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Umm… I think paradigms are shifting. I know couples where their household is single income, but it’s actually the mom that works & the dad that stays home, because her salary is big enough. 

I don’t think a book can dictate that. Couples have to communicate and evaluate their own needs, their financial situation, and the way they want to raise their children.

Post # 6
Member
11394 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think it depends on the couple! I mean, if they can afford living on one income that is. If the man is not comfortable with this then I don’t think its right for that couple! & People should talk about this before getting married, for sure! 

 

Post # 7
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think that if you are married, you have to decide together on such things.  A woman has no more right to decide to be a housewife and take care of the kids than a man has to decide that he will stay home and take care of the kids and house.  After all, if both of them decided that, no one would be earning a living.  Being a housewife and taking care of the kids is fine if that is what both partners agree to, and if it works financially, but it’s not a woman’s absolute right just because she is a woman.

Post # 8
Member
2750 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think that’s a sexist book. 

Post # 10
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think the “point” of some feminist movements was to give women a choice.  It wasn’t to say “staying at home with the kids is bad” or to denigrate the homemaker role.  The problem is that there isn’t a choice anymore for the majority of middle class families. I think that’s a shame.  I’d like to have the choice.  Because both of us will have to work full-time, I am actually very ambivalent about having children at all.

When my mom was growing up, a lot of her friends had mothers who stayed home and whose fathers were not necessarily doctors/lawyers/business execs.  They were still solidly middle class, went on vacations, had regular clothes, etc.  I think you would be hard pressed to find this nowadays.  There are probably a million reasons for that, but it’s sort of interesting.

Another thing- it might be a bit different with younger generations, but I can’t tell you how many women I know work full time and are still responsible for all or the majority of the cooking, cleaning and childcare. 

Post # 11
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

When was that book published? It seems a little behind the times.

Personally, I make more than my FH so, more likely, HE would stay home with the kids.

Post # 12
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It would be awfully nice to have that choice, or to have the choice of working at home, or having a great job, or even being able to dictate when/where you will have your kids. But it’s not always realistic.

Post # 13
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@EleanorRigby: I disagree. I have seen many families make it work on a moderate single income. However, the family lived a modest life and did not have credit card debt. We too can do it but many of us are not willing to give up our luxury car, fabulous vacations and huge home. Lets not mention the 75 pair of designer shoes we have lined up in the closet and the weekly hair appointment/tans. When I get married I would like to have the option to work. Personally, I like working and having my own money. 

Post # 14
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

@mrsbruff2b: This haha. 

It depends on the household. Alot of women cant stand being at home full time so its definitley not the same anymore.  I probably couldnt stay at home. 

Post # 15
Member
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

a description of the book – His Needs, Her Needs is designed to change the course of a marriage. Using a conversational style, Dr. Harley helps couples understand why their best intentions are not enough to prevent marital incompatibility. Couples must do more than want to meet each other’s needs–they must actually meetthem!

Ignorance often contributes to a couples failure to care for each other. Men tend to try to meet needs that they value and women

do the same. But their needs are often very different and they waste effort trying to meet the wrong needs.

The right needs are so strong that when they’re not met in marriage, people are tempted to go outside marriage to satisfy them. But aside of the risk of affair, important emotional needs should be met for the sake of care itself. Marriage is a very special relationship. Promises are made to allow a spouse the exclusive right to meet some of these important needs. When they are unmet, it is unfair to the spouse who must go through life without ethical alternatives.

Dr. Harley describes the ten emotional needs of men and women. He helps you identify which are the most important to you and your spouse, helps you communicate them to each other, and helps you learn to meet them.

Successful marriages require skill–skill in caring for the one you promised to cherish throughout life. Good intentions are not enough. His Needs, Her Needs was written to educate you in the care of your spouse. Once you have learned it’s lessons, your spouse will find you irresistible, a condition that’s essential to a happy and successful marriage. It will also help you eliminate the major cause of infidelity. (2001, Hardcover – 220 pages)

Post # 16
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think I took it in reverse, like the woman should be able to go out and earn a living if she chooses, not she should have a right to stay home if she chooses?  Either way, it’s a joint decision.  If I walked in my front door and said ‘Honey, I’m going to stay home and take care of the house and kids and you’re going to work your butt off to pay for anything and everything.’ I think he’d keel over!  I would love to be able to do this, but it’s a discussion between both of this and not just my decision.  I know plenty of couples that are able to have one parent stay home with the children, and with the cost of daycare being so high it may work better for some couples.  I also know more than one woman who can financially stay home with their children, but prefer to go back to work and send their children to pre-school.  To each their own.

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