(Closed) Women becoming obsessed while waiting to be engaged: Does Society play a role?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 48
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@candy08:  I have been a single parent all of their lives by choice. I have been proposed to 5 times and I didnt feel right about going through with it because I felt as though I deserved better. I have taught them to not settle and to enjoy their lives because life is too short and who wants to live a life time of regrets. I am getting married next year at 48 and they are both happy for me but they see that I have a ful life and my Fiance is extra not a neccesity. Someone to spend the rest of my life with because we want the same things just to be love and accepted not because we want children, house, or what someone else says we should want. They are very cultured in that we go to the theatre and we are going out Friday to see the Blue Man Group. Being single is not a curse or something that needs to be gotten rid of. We all just embrace it and when they get married I believe they will have a sound relationship because they happy people and family is important. They have bf’s and make good choices in men but they are not ready. We are very close and they value my opinion because I have led by example.

Post # 49
Member
11 posts
Newbee

It sucks what society does to us, doesn’t it?  My mom has been bringing it up since I was 25, at the time I was totally unconcerned with engagement because I was just starting my career after getting a masters degree, living in a studio apartment in chicago, enjoying dating the bf of the moment. But… after a few years, I began worrying about it, mostly due to my clock tick tick ticking.  It totally sucks, but I think she is just trying to make sure I thought about it before pissing away all my child bearing years.  And you know what?  I thank her for it because my last boyfriend was wasting my time and she gave me the courage to leave.  She still hassles me now (almost 31) which at this point is not fun anymore becuase yes, I do wish I was engaged to my SO, and yes, I am worried about not being able to have children, and for fucks sake… I have no control about when he asks and it’s very aggrevating. I wish I could not worry, and put it off until some day in the future when the stars align, and not feel rushed, but you know what?  This is life, you only get to play once, so go for it, get the man you love to marry you and and see where it goes.

Post # 50
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee

I think society definietly causes women to obsess over getting engaged/married. I have many friends who have their weddings planned out on Pinterest and they are not even with anyone. 

There’s nothing wrong with seeing something you like and pinning it for later on, but it’s crazy seeing them plan out what colours, and what dress, and traditions they are going to start, and place settings.

I get the questions too, and it’s annoying. I get asked when am I going to have kids, when am I getting married, etc… It’s hard to not obsess over something that is constantly being brought up. Especially when they make you feel like it’s the only acomplishment that matters.

I think it’s awesome that you graduated and were able to get a job so quickly. Many people can’t. I was talking with friends last weekend, and they were surprised I only had to work one job. A lot of my friends have multiple jobs. I didn’t realize how fourtunate I was to have a decent job. 

The only thing I can suggest is to either ignore or try and change the subject without answering their question. People shouldn’t be pressuing you to get engaged or married. They should be happy that you are happy with how your life is now.

Post # 51
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

1) Do you think the pressure of society can cause women to over obsess about being engaged 

Yes, but not just by making women think singleness is a problem, but more importantly by making men and women think it’s the man‘s decision when to get engaged! Why is that, in this day and age?? Getting married is such a huge, life-changing decision, it should be made by both partners equally.

And no, one person asking and the other person saying “yes” or “no” doesn’t count as a joint decision, in my opinion. Is that how you would decide whether to buy a house together, or move to another state, or another country, or have a child?

Guy <down on one knee>: honey, I love you. Will you move to Papua New Guinea with me and allow me to incubate another human inside you, who we will both be responsible for for the next 18 years or more?

Girl: Yes! Yes! Yes!

[or]

Girl: No. <Couple then breaks up, or goes through a huge, difficult, awkward phase in their relationship.>

 

Or, alternatively, if Guy wants to move to Papua New Guinea and they are both relatively adventurous and would probably like to have a child some day (both of which they should figure out by talking to each other), they could spend months discussing every detail as adults, and decide jointly whether and when to move or conceive.

 

I know which option I prefer.

2) Any suggestions how I can stay calm during this waiting period while people keep bringing it up to me?

If a surprise proposal is important to you, then keep that goal in mind and relish the waiting. Try to convert each question from family/friends to a frission of excitement.

If you’re like me and would prefer to play a part in all important decisions concerning your life (including *when* as well as *whether* to get engaged), talk to him about it, and don’t have him “propose”.

 

Sorry, OP, I don’t mean this to sound like an attack on you. I am attacking society though. I’m not saying people shouldn’t have surprise proposals if that’s what they want. What I’m saying is, people shouldn’t just assume that’s the only option. 

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