Post # 1
I am planning to change my name when I get married. I like the idea of having the same name as my husband, and having our kids have the same name as both of us. My Fiance and I spoke about which name to choose, and he feels more connected to his than I do to mine, so we’re going with his name (I’m keeping my current last name as a second middle).
It’s actually unusual in my circle for the woman to change her name, and I’m feeling a bit insecure about my choice. I’m not sure that my friends will think “I just think it’s nice” is a good enough reason (though they’ll be polite about it of course!), and I sometimes feel like a bad feminist for going along with a tradition so rooted in sexism. For those of you who changed your name, did you experience any pushback? What reasons did you give if people asked you why you were changing your name?
Right now I just have a feeling and not really logical reasons, so I’m trying to figure out if there is something more substantial underneath my feelings that I just haven’t figured out yet, or if I just have to accept that not everything I do is strictly logical.
P.s. I’m pretty set in my choice, so please don’t try to argue me out of it – though I am of course willing to hear reasons why you didn’t change your name, or what you might think of a woman who does.
Post # 2
I wanted to show the world that I was proud of marrying my husband, I’m proud of my choice. I have never had anyone ask why I changed my surname.
Post # 3
It just made me feel more married, like we were a unit. I was really excited about it actually! I never had a huge connection to my name my some people seem too. Like changing it did not change my identity at all, it just made me feel like my Darling Husband and I were now family. And I knew we would have children, and I wanted us all to have the same name. Most of my friends have hyphenated, but that was too long for me, and I knew I would have ended up dropping one anyway.
Post # 4
My wedding is not until September and I know Im planning on changing my name for the same reasons as you: same name as my husband and future children.
My opinion if someone is asking you why: You don’t need to give them a reason, it’s your choice. You don’t need to have a logical reason because you are doing what you feel is right.
Anyone who’s opinion you care about should be able to respect your choices 🙂
I hope that helps!
Post # 5
It was incredibly important to my husband.
Post # 6
Important to both of us, and as PP said, made us feel more united. It certainly helped that I had no connection to my name, and was sick of the hassle of two middle names. Got rid of it all, couldn’t be happier.
Post # 7
My name sucked and I was thrilled to get rid of it. I went from 12 letters to 4 and something people can pronounce. No other real reason; my husband has a great name and mine was terribad.
In theory, I wanted to keep my name. I like the independence retaining your name implies, and I’m a pretty ardent feminist. Mine was just too awful to hang on to.
Post # 8
This is an unusual answer so bear with me:
My husband is the only person with his name since he is estranged from his biological father and any relatives on that side and has been since childhood. His mother and all relatives on that side have a different name than him. So by me taking his name it felt truly like OUR family name, just us, a new independent family was born.
At the same time, I was happy to distance myself from my own dysfunctional family that never had treated me very well or with autonomy and that I dont have a great deal of respect for-not all members but quite a few.
It felt like a new start, next chapter sort of thing. And I just like having the same name as my husband, it is just plain nice.
And as long as you do what YOU want then you are being true to feminist values, don’t let anyone make you question that. You’re all good no matter what you decide 🙂
Post # 9
I’ll be making my current last name my new middle name, and then taking my fiance’s last name. I feel good about my decision for three reasons:
1. I see it as a very public way to show that I am making a major transition and starting a new phase in my life.
2. I’m still keeping my current last name as my middle name, and in professional settings will go by all three (so Audrey Smith Jones, for example, not Audrey Jones). That way, I don’t have to worry as much about my professional record etc. Socially, I don’t particularly care what I’m called.
3. I see this as a feminist choice in the end because I made it together with my fiance after several very long, very in-depth conversations about what we wanted to do. We considered hyphenating, both of us changing our middle names to each others’ current last names, and even him taking my name. In the end, he said that he felt too attached to his last name to change it in any way, and I’m still hanging on to mine in my own way, and we’re both happy with the decisions we’ve made. I think the fact that our decision came about as the result of open conversation, rather than an expectation that I would take his name, makes it ultimately a feminist decision.
ETA: Obviously no one will know all of this; they’ll just know I took his name. If they’re rude enough (or curious enough, to be fair) to ask, I’ll happily explain, and if they’re strangers who like to judge, I don’t really care what they think!
Post # 10
I am choosing to keep my last name when I get married next May. My father passed away 10 years ago and my brothers have all daughters so they will likely change their names when they marry and I want to keep our family name going. My fiancé doesn’t plan to change her name to mine, although we have talked about a hyphenated name, but I’m not sold on that idea.
Post # 11
Because my maiden name belongs to the lowest form of scum that walks the face of the earth. I couldn’t change it fast enough!!!
But even if my maiden name wasn’t so absolutely disgusting to me, I would have still changed it because we are pretty traditional and that’s the norm in our family and community.
Post # 12
This was my plan for the longest time. I see it as the perfect option, you will share your name with your husband and future children (if you so choose) but you still get to keep your last name.
Unfortunatly I realized that in Canada the only way to do this is to legally change your name on your birth certificate. I really struggled with that idea.
But for those with the option available I second your opinion!
Post # 13
I have some unusual reasons for taking DH’s last name. It wasn’t so much about him at all, it was about wanting the same last name as my kids. Also, I actually had a very unique last name before and it was so easy to google me and find information, with the new one I am more anonymous and in this creepy era of data on steroids, I like that. Last, I don’t have a middle name and I wanted one. I’m a lawyer and sign a TON of things on a weekly basis and all the other lawyers have middle names, now I finally do too.
Honestly I don’t think there is a right or wrong choice, I don’t care what any other woman does. What IS weird is when women go psycho and act like their choice was the right choice. That goes for both the “bad feminist argument” to the “The Bible says….blah blah blah” If you find yourself getting worked up about what some other woman does with her last name, you have serious issues.
Post # 14
feminism is about making your own choices – and if that choice is the traditional route than more power to you! I took my husband’s name (and completely ditched my maiden) because I WANTED TO. That’s the only “reason” I need.
Post # 15
I consider myself a feminist, and I will be changing my name. It’s about half and half in my circle of friends.
I hate, hate, hate my maiden name. My full name is very similar to a famous Canadian singer and I get jokes about that all the time. It’s my dad’s stepfather’s name, so it’s not connected to my dad’s real family, and his stepfather was abusive towards him so I have no issue with dropping that name. Also, it rhymes with a rude word which is not fun when you’re a primary school teacher.
If FI’s last name was terrible too, I’d just take my mother’s maiden name (I considered this all through childhood) but thankfully he has a great name.