(Closed) Women who changed their name – what was your reason?

posted 5 years ago in Traditions
Post # 61
435 posts
Helper bee

I am changing my last name because I still have my bio dad’s last name and I do not speak with him or associate myself with him in any way except staying in contact with his mom (she doesn’t even have his last name.) I am ready to be fully unattached to him. He is awful in so many ways (cheated on my mom multiple times -i have a half sister i have never met. Also he didnt fulfill his visitation rights when i was growing up and made empty promises to me the whole time we were in contact. Furthermore he has always talked down about my mom and has also said seriously nasty things about my sisters in regard to both of my sisters getting pregnant at young ages despite the fact that he and my mom had my older sister at 18.) Only myself and my baby sister have his last name (she is 23 and has 2 children and basically a stepchild she takes care of with someone she will most likely marry) and i am ready to rid myself of his presence in my life 100%. Besides those reasons I am excited to tie myself to my fiance in such a way. Even if my original last name is super common and I can hardly sign his lol 

Post # 62
3 posts
  • Wedding: December 2015

It shows that you are joined! I don’t even think about it as being sexist, others can create whatever drama they want but both my husband and I agree on this so I won’t let anyone else ruin my happiness. (Which some of my close family tried to!) I think it makes complete sense for a family to share their name, even if you include your kids. 🙂

Post # 63
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I wanted to create a family unit and have the same last name as my (future) children.

Post # 64
3026 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I won’t be changing it right away since we’re flying out of the country and our tickets are already listed under my maiden name and my passport/visa too. So once we get back I’ll be changing it. 

I have always known I would change my name ever since I was little and started to understand the concepts of marriage. In my culture and area, it’s pretty common for women to take their husband’s name. I’ve never felt a fatherly connection to my father and I was never close to his side of the family. I didn’t have a very good childhood. I plan on taking a name that doesn’t have bad memories for me. 

I could choose one that’s not my FI’s. However, it would feel kind of weird to me to pick a name randomly. It’s not really in FI’s culture for me to take his last name though people do it. He doesn’t mind me doing whatever makes me happy so.

Post # 65
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I changed my name because I want to have the same name as my kids, and although I love my family to death, I have no attachment to my last name. That could be due to the constant pushing of males “passing on their name” and the complete lack of importance placed on women doing the same… but meh. I’m a feminist, and just don’t care about this issue. If a family decides to use the matriarch’s name, awesome; I support that. But I just don’t think it’s an important issue to draw a line in the sand over. I also hate hyphenated names… just a personal preference

Post # 66
642 posts
Busy bee

Keeping my name mattered less to me than changing my name did to my husband.  So I changed it.

I think the key is, if you feel strongly either way – that’s what you should do.  If you’re not bothered whether you change it or not, but your Fiance feels strongly one way or another – go that way.

My brother-in-law’s girlfriend never misses an opportunity to announce that she will be keeping her name, like it makes her a feminist icon or something.  She even mentioned it at our rehearsal dinner when someone said to me “Oooh this time tomorrow you’ll be Mrs Daffodils”.  They’re not even engaged, so I don’t know why it’s relevant.

Post # 67
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I am taking his last name because I want to 🙂

Post # 68
1367 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
glambee16:  Where on this actual earth do you live, to have not heard of people keeping their name?! If you’re just being hyperbolic, you may as well know that it makes you sound passive-aggressively judgemental. 

I actually NEVER thought I would change my name, growing up, and was surprised by my feelings of wanting to, when the time approached! I was one of those slightly misguided feminists, in my extreme youth :p who thought it was un-feminist to change it. Ultimately I came to the view that I’d carried a man’s last time anyway my whole life… at least I was choosing my husband if I couldn’t choose my father. 

I also got married younger than I’d ever expected to (23) so it didn’t make a difference career-wise as I was just out of grad school and just starting out. 

Post # 69
880 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

View original reply

What other people think of your decisions is irrelevant. Everyone would like support from the people in our lives but that’s not always possible. Those who take shots at you for making a choice which has nothing to do with them are not true friends. 

As for feeling like a bad feminist, I thought feminism was about supporting women’s choices; the very essence of equality is that women can do whatever pleases us. Unfortunately, many feminists enjoy deriding women who follow traditions. I believe that a true feminist would never look down on another woman just because she chose to take her husband’s last name. 

Post # 70
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think it says it all that you and your husband had a discussion about whose name to take!  “We wanted to have the same last name, so we discussed whose name to take and both agreed on his.”  Whenever women say “I changed my name to his because we wanted to have the same last name,” the implication is usually that there was no other option – either they have different names or they  both have his.  No talk of taking her name, hyphenating, or making a new last name together.  THAT to me is where the sexism lies.  As long as there is a discussion and both parties are open to changing their names in order to have the same last name, I wouldn’t think that someone was perpetuating a sexist tradition by taking her husband’s last name!

Post # 71
2238 posts
Buzzing bee

To me it is symbolic of us becoming our own family unit.  Also I think it is easier when dealing with banks, hotels, utilities, doctors, etc for the whole family to have the same last name.

Post # 72
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

My main reason is that my mom did not change her name when she married my dad, and it was always awkward growing up. admin People/teachers/ constantly asked why she had a different last name. My parents had a bad mariage and later a nasty divorce and even though I know there is no logical connection between the divorce and the no name change it has always felt “unlucky” to me, and that they were never a unit. I want to be a unit with my husband.

I hear ya about feeling like a bad feminist. My mom was kind of upset when she found out I was changing it. I appeased her by telling her I was going to continue to use my Maiden name for my work. I freelance and figure it would confuse clients to change my last name and therefore my email address and website and how I am credited on projects So it’s easier to be his last name legally and my maiden name in my resume. I think!?! We’ll see!

Post # 73
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
k8goeslz:  It’s not really feminist to stick with a name given to you by another man, either 😉

Post # 74
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Overall, I love the idea of his name.  Yes, he gave me a ring, but the vows were part of joining as a family, even if we never have kids, and his name is the biggest gift he can give me.  I am impatient for my certificate to get here so I can go get it done 100% 🙂

Also, while I kinda like my quirky maiden name, I am not close to my family and many have hurt me badly, and being associated with them because of my name hurts.  So, this just adds to the gift of my husband’s name.

Post # 75
10282 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I will be changing my last name. My last name is super common so I don’t feel any connection to it or like it is a part of my identity. FI’s last name on the other hand is very unique and has such an interesting history. 

I do love that my Fiance said he doesn’t care if I take his last name or not. I think it would bother me to be in a relationship with someone who pressured me in any way to take his name.

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