(Closed) Women who hate their marriages and give the “you’ll learn…” speech…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
7364 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Some people are just unhappy and can’t see the good thing they’ve got going.  Is she pessimistic about other aspects of her life?

Post # 4
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@UK Bride: I think you’ve hit it right on the money. It is *she* that should learn, but she probably never will. 😉 Hang in there and don’t let miserable people like this bring you down. Wish them well, and maintain your realistic and positive outlook on marriage. 

Post # 5
Member
4109 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Nope, not judgemental at all. You are engaged, she’s not happy in her marriage. How close are you? She needs to keep that shit to herself. No need.

Post # 6
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Unfortunatly there are plenty of these women and you will hear from them all when you get engaged/married…I’ve had my fair share. I pity them and just ignore what they say.

Post # 7
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I don’t think I’d want to be around that person.  It’s definitely depressing.  I get kind of irritated with people who complain but don’t want to change the situation.

EDIT: Why spend her life being miserable?  That’s what I always ask. 

Post # 8
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

You have a great sense of what is going on. I guess its never fair to judge since you don’t live behind the closed doors with them, but the story sounds familiar 😉

It’s pretty common! A lot of woman in somewhat of a passive aggressive way will give you the vibe that marriage and men are not what they are cracked up to be. Extremely negative Blah blah blah. All the sitcoms and many movies make it out to be a similar scene as well.

Seems like a lack of communication and unrealistic ideals can lead to trouble! We all go through the rough spots but I’m assuming when most get married, they vow to work through them and come out even stronger!

Post # 9
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It’s not just the women. My brother in law (sister’s husband) had the nerve to tell my fiance to “watch out” because “everything will change” when we get married, and that I will change too. What sucks is that my brother in law has been MY friend for over 10 years- longer than he’s known my sister. And he and my sister’s 3-yr marriage has been rocky since the beginning. Luckily my fiance just laughed it off- he knows better than to take any sort of advice from BIL.

So that being said, I think it’s best to steer clear of the negativity if possible, and to shrug it off when it’s hoisted upon us.

Post # 10
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I quit pulling that passive-aggressive crap in relationships after high school. Is it really so hard to TALK to your partner instead of just expect that they know everything going on in your head?

This woman is going to send her own marriage down the tubes because she doesn’t think it’s her job to communicate in a straightforward manner. And the sad thing is she’ll blame him the whole way.

Post # 11
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

omg!  really?

I’m gonna be honest… being married for 18 years…  It hasn’t always been easy, and we have had our ups, and our very ups…  and we have had our downs, and our down and outs…  but when it all comes to it, We love eachother. 

I do not use sex as a weapon and never have.  So yes, will there be changes when you are married?  Of course!  because as you age, you grow.  You can choose to grow together without losing yourself.  or you can choose to grow together and see yourself attached to him, or you can just grow apart.

Nothing stays the same forever.  So…  All of this growing and learning, as long as you both have the same goal, you will be fine.  Our goal together is just being us, through good times and bad, sickness and in health, richer or poorer, till death do us part. 

So yes, you will learn… you will learn to pick your man up when he is down, you will learn how to share his joy, you will learn (if you haven’t already) his farts smell worse when he sleeps…  And he will learn the same things a bout you (yea, even the farting thing…)

As long as you have the same goal in life, and are commited to eachother and are eachothers best friend, you will be alright 🙂

Thats all i got to say about that:)

Ronney

Post # 12
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Ahhh… I hate women like that.  4 of the 7 girls at work use sex as a weapon and they’re always saying that I’ll learn to do it too.  I just keep my mouth shut because Fi and I have a better relationship than that and I feel bad for them…

 

Post # 13
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I know lots of women who use sex as a weapon. It’s kinda crazy. I would just stay away from her or tell her you don’t want to hear about it anymore.

Post # 15
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

It sounds like her marriage is suffering from a general lack of communication and a lot of secret hoping for fulfilled needs without actually expressing what they are.

That’s a recipe for divorce.

Learn from her instead of being annoyed.

Post # 16
Member
4355 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Honestly a lot of what you said seems really horrible but the part about “He enjoys the meal I cooked and then wants me to sleep with him! The nerve”, I don’t think is totally out of line. My Fiance is amazing and often helps with cleaning up, especially if I’m the one that cooks, but on days that I prepare the whole meal and have it ready when he gets home from work, and then I clean everything up myself after a long day at work- you better believe I would be saying a big hell no to sleeping with him. For most women being interested sexually relates almost 100% to how they feel emotionally in their relationship at that point in time so call me crazy if feeling tired and slightly unappreciated doesn’t inspire me to get freaky.

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