(Closed) Women who waited for poposals – What will you tell your sons?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Will you teach/tell your son to propose in a more reasonable time frame?
    Yes I will teach him not to make his SO wait unnecessarily : (33 votes)
    22 %
    No - it's his decision : (98 votes)
    67 %
    Other.. explain below : (16 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1664 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I don’t think someone should feel pressured to propose if they are not ready to get married, so no, I wouldn’t tell my son that.  I also wouldn’t give different advice about marriage depending on the gender of my child.  I think proposals and marriage should be a mutual decision, and I don’t understand a lot of the games and stuff that go on, because it seems like they just lead to a lot of anxiety and hurt feelings.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2829 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Um no. just no.
    I am going to raise/teach my son (as I would ANY of my children regardless of gender) that s/he is to put his happiness and fullfillment first and foremost, UNTIL there comes a time that he feels he has met the right person (I prefer not being gender specific) to share his life with.

    No one should ever feel pressured to do something only to appease another person — whether it’s a situation of peer pressure (“dude, if you smoke that I’ll think you’re totes cool!” er, no) or a life changing event, I plan on teaching my children to be confident in themselves and to trust their own decisions. If this means his partner 20 years from now may have to wait a few extra years before getting a proposal then so be it, to me, being happy with oneself and one’s choices is more important than coaching him on how to make women[spouses] happy — thats something he will have to learn on his own.

    Post # 6
    Member
    834 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think discussing marriage before proposal is pretty sensible. I have known Fiance for over three years, we were dating for a year before proposal, and we’ve been engaged for almost a year, and will be married come October. I think everyone has their own limits, strengths, and securities (or lack therof). A man should NEVER propose until he is ready. You don’t want to pressure them into doing it before thinking or discussing it with someone with a clear and level head. It really just depends on the couple.

    Post # 7
    Member
    6892 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I waited for almost a year (though not on weddingbee) and if my son was planning on proposing I would tell him sooner rather than later would be nice for the girl – IF he was already planning a proposal. My Fiance had the ring in our apartment for 6 months – I wouldn’t want my future daughter-in-law to have to do all that. Lol.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1664 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    If one person feels like marriage should come sooner, then that implies to me that the other person isn’t ready yet… so isn’t that rushing?

    Post # 10
    Member
    6892 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @EleanorRigby: I thought OP meant if a proposal was in the making already. Could be wrong though.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1636 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I was dating my Fiance for 5 years before he officially proposed – but we’d known for a few years that we wanted to get married eventually.

    I don’t think I would ever teach my son anything having to do specifically with the time frame for proposing to a girl.  I would be more concerned with teaching him to respect women in general and to treat them well.  I think the length of time it takes him to propose eventually would depend on several things that are largely out of my control, i.e. his personality, where he’s at in his life when he meets someone he might want to marry, etc.  As long as he is raised to not treat women like objects and not habitually string them along, the rest is up to him.  The decision when to get engaged/married is something between him and his significant other.

    Post # 15
    Member
    4755 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    My son will be raised to date girls and women he really likes, no man-whore son for me. I will teach him that once he finds a keeper, he keeps her and treats her right demanding in return she treat him right. If all that falls into place I will urge him to marry her only once he is emotionally and financially mature enough and becasue I can see it in my sons loving eyes that he does want to marry her without doubt. I will not however pressure him into marrying a girl for any other reason than he really wants to and I should be able to tell when my son really wants something.

    Post # 16
    Member
    383 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’ve dated Fiance for 6 years, and about a year ago brought up the topic of marriage. I KNEW it was what i wanted and I was ready for it, and at that time he agreed. It took months for anything to actually happen (I didn’t want him to propose immediately, I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page), but I wouldn’t change a thing about how it happened.

    Finally in March we went ring shopping after he asked my mom for her blessing…then he proposed after Easter.

    I think it’s the smartest thing in the world that we discussed getting married before being engaged, and I’d encourage any of my children (male or female) to do the same.

    I was still surprised when he proposed, i wasn’t expecting it then, but I don’t at all feel like the extra year we waited was torture.

    I wanted him to propose when he was ready to make that commitment. Not because he knew that I was ready.

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