Post # 1
I have had a couple of really bad waiting days in a row, after a few weeks of feeling great. It’s really bumming me out and I just need to vent.
Next week my SO and I are going on our first vacation together. It’s going to be a lot of fun and since I’m so excited I’ve been talking to a lot of our friends about it. A couple of our guy friends have asked me if I think he’s going to propose and I brushed them off, to which they gave a kind of winking “as far as you know it isn’t!” sort of response. After a couple of these in a row it planted an evil seed in my head that maybe they knew something I didn’t. After mulling it over and trying not to get hopeful about it I totally started to fantasize about a surprise early proposal and I knew I was in trouble.
Over the weekend I managed to work it into conversation, and after a couple of minutes of playful banter he said “just so you know it’s not happening this trip, I don’t want you to get excited or anything”. I clearly must have looked upset, because he followed it up with “it’s not that I don’t want to be engaged, I just don’t want to be engaged for that long. We’re basically engaged to be engaged anyway.”.
Something about that statement I found really upsetting. So he gets to decide when we get engaged without my input, and is making me wait even though he knows it’s killing me? So he wants us to act like an engaged couple for another year+, but he doesn’t want to make it official? Why? It just really hurts for some reason, I wish I could articulate it better.
I’m just really down about it, I don’t want to pout the whole trip but I feel like I’m getting into the waiting rut all over again and I’m really dissapointed in myself for feeling this way. I thought I had gotten over the really bad waiting feelings, but apparently not. What do you guys do to cheer yourselves up after a hard waiting day?
Post # 3
Chocolate Ice cream….and a night out with the girls…and a dee journaling session….sounds like a 15 year old i know….but hey…we do what we can to survive…. 🙂
btw: i dispise that statement….”well were engaged to be engageed” or we basically are engaged….ugh boys!
Post # 4
Haha, it is funny how those little comforts never seem to change! I am well overdue for a lady’s night, I may have to do just that!
I hate that phrase too, which is why I think it rubbed me the wrong way. It just feels so much like trying to round a relationship up to something it isn’t yet.
Post # 5
@batwoman: I would be annoyed by that statement too!! My SO says similar things… the future Mrs., future wife, practically married… and I’m like “Hold up! We aren’t even engaged yet! You don’t get to call me that yet.” Guys don’t get it, they may think in their heads that you guys are engaged to be engaged, but you aren’t enagaged until he ASKS you to marry him!
In this situation, I eat a big bowl of ice cream with tons of chocolate syrup on top!! And then I good workout session to make up for the ice cream, lol. Feel better!
Post # 6
@batwoman: Can we go out for a drink together?
I hear you entirely. I wish I had more of an imput on it all and I think after reading this I WILL.
Post # 7
@HeartsandSparkles: Yes! I tell him this all the time, that you don’t get to call me something or act like we’re engaged until we actually are! It seems like a reasonable rule to me, I have to leave something for engagement/marriage after all. 😉
Umm, yes! That sounds pretty awesome, I could go for something embarassingly fruity right about now. You totally should get more input, it’s your engagement too after all!
Well my lovely ladies, after pouting about it for a while I feel much better. We had a brief chat about it over dinner and he confessed that he was trying to misdirect me a bit with the whole “I don’t want a long engagement part” and he felt really guilty that it made me upset. The whole waiting thing already feels sort of anti-egalitarian to me and I think that comment just set me off a bit.
I didn’t have any ice cream on hand sadly, so I painted my nails in white and mint stripes! Now I feel all fancy shmancy and was thoroughly distracted for a good hour. Thank you for your input, it’s so nice to know I’m not alone or even a complete crazy!
Post # 8
i especially hate when they think they are being cute or something by saying “future mrs” or what have you, when really it’s like a punch in the face every time, since it’s a “lie”.