(Closed) Wonderful day turned sour—rant

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

She probably didn’t mention it because she was (it seems rightfully) afraid of how you would react and/or didn’t want to steal your thunder on dress shopping day.  I would talk to her and find out if there’s a valid reason it NEEDS to be that date before you go off the rails.

Post # 5
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Woah that’s pretty crazy. I would be really pissed too. A few of my friends are also engaged at the same time I am but we were all pretty respectful when to schedule the dates. I think she owes you a pretty good explaination why she couldn’t space the dates out any better. Really one week before are you kidding me she couldn’t even give you a couple of months?

Post # 6
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t get why this matters. 

I’m not saying this specifically towards you, OP, as I’ve seen lots of these threads. 

My cousin got engaged 4 months after me and is getting married a month before me…and I …. couldn’t possibly care less. I just don’t get it.  Unless she’s telling you she won’t be able to participate in yours, why does it matter?

I guess I’m strange, but, I’d be excited to have one of my closest friends do all the fun “wedding stuff” with me, especially since I’d know she wouldn’t get sick of wedding talk, like most other friends who aren’t in that situation end up eventually feeling.

Post # 7
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@JustMarried51912:  

Why on earth does she “owe” her an explanation for her wedding date?!

Thats one of the most pretentious things I’ve ever heard?!

Post # 8
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

It sounds like the two of you need to get together and watch Bride Wars!

Post # 9
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@mandypop: Not trying to be rude.  I just think that friends should be more respectful of one another and not try to steal eachother’s thunder. It almost sounds like the Maid/Matron of Honor is rushing her wedding a bit to show up her friend. Some spiteful women would do this. If she doesn’t have a logical reason then it sounds like she is being spiteful. I know this wouldn’t bug some people but it would certainly tick me off and in my circle of friends that certainly wouldn’t fly. But everyone has their own take on that.

Post # 10
Member
674 posts
Busy bee

Let me see if I understand this.  They don’t want to wait until next year and have scheduled for the break in her school schedule.  That break just happens to be near OPs wedding.  OP is unhappy for someone, who as Maid/Matron of Honor is safely assumed to be a good friend, simply because the period in which it is likely easiest for the other couple to be married was chosen.

Sorry, OP, but you need to get over this.  There are many reasons – especially legal and financial – why they may want to get married this year instead of next.  It is not a personal slight against you.

Why does someone else’s happy day make you feel second best?  Is your day really so important to everyone around you that they should not be allowed to make any plans at all in the weeks approaching your wedding?  Where do you draw the line with that kind of rule?

As for Maid/Matron of Honor duties, exactly what did she agree to do that she will be unable to do now?  If she made you specific promises that she now won’t be able to accomplish, then I agree that she should talk to you about that.  Beyond that, you shouldn’t have huge expectations or demands on her time as it is if she’s a student.

I get that you weren’t thrilled to find out from another friend about the date, but I don’t think your reaction is a very mature one.  Yes, you are getting married and it’s a great day for you.  It doesn’t mean that everyone else needs to set aside their own lives for your single day.  It doesn’t mean you are second best.

Post # 11
Member
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

I might be irritated if someone close enough to be my Maid/Matron of Honor decided (knowing full well the date of my wedding) to have hers THE WEEK before. Especially if you have overlapping social groups, it would be an adventure for two weedings in two weekends. I would try and talk to her, maybe there is a really good reason that it HAS to be then, so I would at least wait till the two of you can have a conversation before full panic mode. 

Post # 12
Member
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Usually I am of the mindset that you get one day, but having your maid of honor do that is just plain weird, and for her not to at least mention it is also strange, but in her defense, maybe she was waiting for the right time when you both were alone and maybe she didn’t want to freak you out on your day of dress shopping.  Which would have been the nice thing for her to do.  I would really sit down and talk to her about this, she may not have put any thought into how financially difficult or logistically difficult it would be for all your friends to have two weddings back to back.  You also may want to talk to her on what she was thinking about logistics, you never know, she may surprise you and have this already all worked out in her head to make sure that you both have your special times.

Post # 13
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

@Jamcnair: How about trying to see this in a positive light: You two can now talk about your weddings and do wedding projects together!!!!! How fun is that?!

Post # 14
Member
1774 posts
Buzzing bee

That would freak me out. I believe that other people don’t need to interrupt their lives for your wedding, but… A WEEK BEFORE?

 

I’d be pretty confused if I was friends with both of you.

1. People will talk.

2. Two weddings? That’s a big time commitment. 

 

I don’t know. Are you guys having similar bridal parties? That would bother me. That might be petty, but if girls ABC are in weddings 1 and 2 I’d feel like she took my maids! Again, that might be petty, but…

 

What kind of wedding is she having? What kind are you having? I think that could make a difference. If you’re having an all-out bonanza and she’s having a simply BBQ or something I could see it being different enough to get over it. If you’re both having weddings at the same church or something and a similar reception…. I don’t know. I think this would bother most people.

 

In some ways it really shouldn’t matter at all, but I can totally understand the feelings you have!

Post # 15
Member
812 posts
Busy bee

@Jamcnair:  That does sound a bit dodgy, I mean, why choose that date? If it was meaningful to the couple then I still would have thought she would have the guts to say to you before making announcements

Post # 16
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Its her school break!!!

 

Speaking as a grad student myself – guess what – our dates were pretty restricted around my exam and clinical dates!!  Fortunately it didn’t come too close to any other weddings, but if it did – jeez – I hope my friends would be more understanding than some of you are…  😛

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