(Closed) Wondering how bees view this speech

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

It”s over, there is nothing that will change what was said. I would let it go with your in laws. Maybe do something special fo ryour mom so she know how much you and your Darling Husband appreciate their help.

Post # 5
Member
8331 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t really think there’s anything you can do but let it go. I can see your mom being a bit upset but there is nothing you can do about it now, it is in the past. Maybe the Bridesmaid or Best Man just got caught up in the moment and didn’t realize he was offending someone.

Post # 7
Member
12973 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you (and your family) should just drop it.  What’s done is done.  Unfortunately, the speech didn’t give an accurate representation of financial contributions, but maybe that’s not what he intended.  When we make a thank you speech (probably at the RD), we’ll say something similar to both parents, even though my parents paid for 80% of the wedding, and his parents less than 5%.  It’s just a thank you – and your BIL probably thought he was being nice and gracious. 

Post # 8
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

You have to let it go… SHE has to let it go.  I’m sure the Bridesmaid or Best Man meant emotional support, but what is he supposed to do thank your parents for paying for the entire wedding? He’s a guy I’m sure he’s not aware of any of the financial things and it doesnt sound like he was trying to be mean.

Post # 9
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

What would saying anything about it possibly do?  Other than create tension and bad feelings between your families?  I can understand why your mom was put off by it – but I truly can’t think of a SINGLE good thing that could come of making an issue out of it.

Post # 12
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think your Mom being ridiculous I bet none of your guest care who paid for what, and it possible they didn’t take that from what he said. 

What exactly would she like you to do? Send out annoucements to make sure everyone knows she hosted/ paid for the wedding?

I think she is allowed to have her feelings, then you need to say Mom it was my wedding and a great day for us. I would appreicate it if you could drop it and just be happy for us. Then if she brings up change the subject let her know you aren’t talking about it any more.

In this day and age people pay for weddings in a variety of ways and the old things that used to indicate whom paid for it, like for example inviations. Before the person who hosted/paid for the weddings name would go on there. I know people who parents paid and names didn’t go on there, and couples who paid for thier own weddings and put both parents names on their anyways.

At the end of the day the only person who needs to know and be grateful that she paid for the wedding is you and your husband.

Post # 13
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Um…without them the wedding WOULDN’T have been possible. They gave birth to your husband, right? 🙂

Post # 14
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Actually, I’m kind of on your Mom’s side here… what a bonehead move by the Best Man!  If I had heard that speech and didn’t know the families well enough to be privy to their contributions, I too would assume that the groom’s parents had paid for most of it.

Now, having said that, your Mom has to let this go, because there is really no way to resolve the gaffe.  Even an apology from Best Man won’t change what was communicated at the wedding, and honestly, is he going to apologise?  Probably not.  Even asking him to do so would cause further rift, since now he’ll either be embarassed, or pissed off, depending on his attitude.  The only way this could ever be “righted” would be to call every guest and tell them “My parents paid, not his” and that’s just way outside the realm of taste, or possibilty.

Post # 15
Member
7753 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MissNoodles:  I agree. While nothing can be done, what the Bridesmaid or Best Man said was really quite inappropriate, and without a doubt it leaves the impression that the groom’s parents contributed.

To the OP: I also assume that your parents did contribute. And can I also assume that your parents DID get thanked? (Because if your parents contributed and weren’t thanked, then you and your husband have some serious apologising to do. On the other hand, if your parents didn’t contribute, she’s being petty).

Since your mother has no direct connection to your BIL, I see no point in getting him to speak to her. However, I think it would be appropriate for your husband to apologise for him. (And your husband is indirectly responsible, in the sense that he chose the best man). i.e. “I’m sorry my brother said that, either he didn’t know the financial situation or he wasn’t thinking”. I see no harm in your husband doing this, and perhaps some gain.

Post # 16
Member
5963 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Yeah, I get where shes coming from…kinda…but what can you do about it anyway?  Send out a blanket e-mail foot noting the speech?  It’s not the kind of thing worth worrying over, no one’s auditing the wedding or anything, and frankly no one cares who paid for it.

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