(Closed) Wondering if I should bring up marriage or wait it out?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee

If I were in your shoes I would tell him how you feel about everythIng. But I would only tell him once, I wouldn’t remind him every day. Then he knows that it’s important to you and that you are serious, but he doesn’t feel bothered or stressed daily about t. Making him aware of what you want isn’t nagging at all.

 

I have lived w my boyfriend for almost 2 years now, and I don’t regret it at all. We have learned a lot about  each other and have grown closer. He tells me that living together helped him become ready for arriage faster then if we ad not bcheh knew we wld be happy living together foreverand didn’t have to worry about the what ifs. I think everyone is different tho, and we are not engaged, so who knows! 

Post # 4
Member
4478 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You’ve been together 2 years, not 2 weeks.  You should be able to express your feelings to him at this point without being afraid of pressuring him or scaring him off.  Plus, some guys need the extra push to get the ball rolling.  There’s no shame in having a conversation about what’s important to you.

Post # 5
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Spell it all out!  You both should have clear pictures of what each other thinks/feels/expects as far as engagement/marriage/living together.  I’d need to know if we were on the same page  – 2 years is plenty of time to openly discuss your timelines!  This is not time to “go with the flow” in my opinion.

We eloped as well (2 weeks ago) and a celebraton party/housewarming party sounds great if you timed it right!  BUT you need to commicate your timelines and ideas.

It sounds like you want everything to happen without planning or talking.  These things I think you have to talk about, in my opinion.  It’s hard to assume what the other is thinking, because you could be off base!  And by talking about them you are in no way pressuring him.

“Are there many of you that did live together before marriage and how did it work out for you?”

We moved in only after the engagement.  I said I had to be engaged in order to live together.  I had a house to sell after all – this needed to be the real deal!  I was not goig to give up my home if the relationship was not heading anywhere. Living together was and is wonderful still.

Post # 6
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you should just tell him you’d like to elope and move in married. I think that would be super romantic, if you timed it so you coulld spend your first night as husband and wife in your new house.

(Honestly, I had no idea there was so much stress and pressure about the whole proposal thing until I ended up here… I figure once two people have decided to get married, they’re engaged, regardless of who brought it up, or how, or what jewelry changes hands.) 

Post # 7
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Elvis: 
I figure once two people have decided to get married, they’re engaged, regardless of who brought it up, or how, or what jewelry changes hands

 

It’s really different for everyone.  We knew when we were going to get engaged (aimed for the following year), but I made it clear that I wanted a ring and proposal in order to be engaged.  I did not have that the first time around, and really wanted it this time, so I communicated that.

 

Others just jointly decide they are engaged, ring or not.  That’s fine too.  Everyone is different.

Post # 8
Member
4478 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Elvis:  I think engagement stress really becomes a factor when the couple’s not on the same page, or not sure they’re on the same page.  A lot of the “Waiting” stress comes into play when 1 person’s ready, and they’re not sure when or IF their SO will want to marry them.

Post # 9
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@abirdword:  

+1

Yeah, and I think that’s one of those things that just needs to be discussed. (Like two adults, without ultimatums and exit dates and all that stuff that smacks of high school mind games.)

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