(Closed) Word of Mouth Information After Party, who is responsible for picking up tab

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
9869 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If it’s not a formal, scheduled event, I don’t think you’re obligated to pick up the tab.  If you can afford it, you could do a consumption bar (until you hit a certain dollar amount) which would convert to a cash bar, but honestly, if I were to go to an after party, I would 100% expect the drinks to be covered.  It would be a nice surprise, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if I had a tab at the end of the night.

ETA: I firmly believe that a guest shouldn’t pay for a single thing at the wedding, but an after party isn’t the wedding. 

Post # 3
3705 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I don’t think you should have to pay for everyone’s bar tab after having an open bar for 6 hours. I think if you keep it casual and just mention “Hey we’re going to hang out at the bar after the wedding. Everyone is welcome to come!” people would get the gist.  I know I personally would never assume that someone was picking up the tab at an after party, especially after such a generous reception. 

Post # 4
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

After my sisters wedding, we all went to a bar walking distance from the venue (it was planned a ahead of time) everyone paid for their own drinks and even hosted the couple. Everyone was buying them shots and drinks. It was a good time. So no. I don’t think you need to host it at all! 

Post # 5
3645 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Fiance and I are going to a bar after the wedding and I put on the website that people can come if they feel like it. The bar is attached to the hotel where we have our room block, so I just wanted people to know if they felt like coming down from their rooms, we’d be there. I don’t think you are required to host them as it isn’t part of the wedding at that point.

Post # 6
13538 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Etiquette doesn’t recognize the “after party.” Couples traditionally looked forward to being alone after the reception and often left before their guests did. But in general, if you are inviting someone to something, and it costs money, you pay. 

There have been one or two times when we were “invited” to a brunch and to say goodbye to the couple, and it turned out to be the hotel breakfast on our own dime. That is inappropriate. 

Suggesting or asking people to join you after the reception is still IMO an invitation. “We’re going to hang out at the hotel bar” is not. 

In my own experience after parties are either hosted or they are not done.

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