(Closed) Wording for bride’s mom only, & groom’s married parents

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

That sounds fine (but I’m no expert). The only thing I would suggest is to use “and” if the contribution from his parents is about equal to the amount from your mom, and use “along with” if it’s less. “Along with” just sounds like they didn’t pay as much, to me at least.

Post # 5
1699 posts
Bumble bee

Formal etiquette holds that any implications or inferences of who is paying more for what, are in bad taste. “Hosting” means that the people in question are taking responsibility for the style and taste of the event, and (more importantly) for the comfort and well-being of their guests. Along with the responsibility comes the right to have a deciding “say” on all aspects of the event.

The most formal traditional standard is, that every event except bachelor-only events must have exactly one hostess, and that the only person who may be named along with her is her husband. This is a practical standard of which I am rather fond, because I don’t like having to compromise with some other woman over matters of style and taste. If there is only one hostess, you automatically avoid those interminable arguments between Mother of the Bride and Mother of the Groom about whether sparkling wine is perfectly acceptable for toasts, or whether actual Champagne is an absolute must, dahling! and whether to hire a DJ or a band or just use their younger son’s iPod with a great playlist.

However, assuming your mothers are more concilliatory and compromising than I am, they can co-host without anyone being entitled to speculate about the financial arrangements. Your mother has “fist dibs” as it were, on offering to give your wedding reception on her own if she chooses, which is why her name comes first even if she does choose to share the honour. If your fiance’s mother is likely to get hurt feelings over second billing, you can mollify her by lots of little subtle comments about how gracious she is being. Nothing encourages good behaviour like being complimented on it ahead of time. And, keep the wording of your list of hosts as simple as possible: “and” is a far better choice than “along with” because it implies absolutely nothing.

Post # 6
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@chickeybarr:  Your situation is very similar to mine- my father is deceased and FI’s parents are contributing a lot more money than my mom (easier to do when they have 2 incomes, as opposed to my mom’s 1).  We decided that all the fuss about what order the names should go in and the potential for any hurt feelings was simply not worth it to us, so we decided upon “Together with their families, meladoug and Fiance request the honour of you presence at their marriage…”

Post # 8
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Yea, I think “and” sounds best.

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