(Closed) Wording for my website

posted 5 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
Member
1877 posts
Buzzing bee

@Autumnsnow:  I think you might have intended to use the word “union” as opposed to “unity”.

Post # 4
Member
46416 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

So we kindly ask that after the ceremony if you would please stay to take photos with us before heading to the reception.


We ask that you kindly stay after the ceremony to take photos with us before leaving for the reception.


Post # 5
Member
36 posts
Newbee

I love what you wrote and how you are inviting people to join in for pictures! I also like the subtle reminder that the dinner after the ceremony is your way of saying “thanks for being awesome and supporting our marriage!” not just some routine thing associated with weddings. I took what you wrote and re-worked it a little bit:


Our wedding day is a big moment for us, as it symbolizes the beginning of our journey in marriage.  When we look back on this day, we want to remember not only our beginning, but your role in our special day.  To honor this, we kindly ask that you remain at the ceremony site for photographs before heading to the reception.  

We are so grateful for the love and support you have shown us leading up to this day. To demonstrate our gratitude,  we would like to invite you to a formal dinner after the ceremony concludes. Once we have had a chance to take a picture with you, please feel free to grab a drink and some hors d’oeuvres at *Dinner Location* before we join you for dinner. 

 

Post # 6
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Autumnsnow:  Here are some comments on your proposed text:

“We would like to take this opportunity to thank you for being witnesses to our unity.  To show our gratitude for your love and support, a formal dinner will follow our ceremony.”

The first sentence sounds as if your ceremony has already occurred. I would suggest refining that language. 

“Our wedding day is a big moment for us, it symbolizes the beginning of our journey in marriage. 

These are two, independent clauses.  They may be joined by a comma and a conjunction or by a semicolon. Another alternative is to make them into two, separate sentences.

“When we look back on this day, we want to remember not only us, but you. 

“Not only” should be paired with “but also.” 

Also, because you have used the pronoun “we,” you should use the reflexive pronoun “ourselves” instead of the word “us.”

“So we kindly ask that after the ceremony if you would please stay to take photos with us before heading to the reception.

You are attempting to combine a “that” clause with an “if” clause, and you do not need both.  I also would suggest that you be more direct in your request.

I will try to write some alternative text for you to consider.

 

 

 

 

 

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