(Closed) Wording when requesting money

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
572 posts
Busy bee

This makes me worried.  I’m planning my best friend’s shower (I’m MOH) and she wants to have an around the clock shower because it’s cute, relatively unique and it’s a good way to get a variety of presents instead of stuff under a kitchen theme or a spa theme (hey, it’s the truth).  She asked me to write a poem that explained how an around the clock shower worked, but now I’m afraid it sounds kind of gift grabby.  She loved the one I came up with, but now I’m second guessing it…what do y’all think:  

Tick-tock! Tick-tock! Tick-tick-tock!
It’s a shower themed around the clock
For (bride’s name), soon to wed
“Wait…a clock? What’s that you said?”

At the end of this little rhyme
You, the guest, will see a time
And when you bring a gift to this party in May
Ask: “What will they need at this time of day?”

In the morning a shower she’ll take
Towels and bathroom things work great!
Perhaps for 12, a plate, cup or dish
Might be the bride’s lunchtime wish

And around 7 think of drinks and dinner
Wine glasses, pots and pans are winners!
At 10 pm, well…remember the groom
And pick out something for the bedroom

Get creative, have some fun!
And if there’s a question (or more than one)
Contact Dizbee, at the number below
Let’s celebrate a bride we love and know!

Your time is:  then I put down the time

Post # 33
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Nothing Wrong with using a poem to express yourself in any way Dizbee, I personally love all poetry, whether it’s silly, tacky, profound, deep… I don’t really care, it’s a great poem so go for it 🙂

Post # 34
Bee
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - El Faro Convention center, Aguadilla, Puerto Rico

Here in Puerto Rico, asking for money is the norm. People would be more put off by a registry since it would mean driving to the only Macys BB&B or Pottery Barn just to buy the gift.(These stores are all 3 hours away from my hometown)

All of the weddings I have been to have some variation of the following:

There is no better gift that your company on this special day but if you wish to give a present we prefer it be in the form of a monetary donation.

Post # 35
Member
572 posts
Busy bee

It’s not my taste personally.  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking for money (I won’t do it when it’s my turn because my mom would murder me and she’ll be the one paying for the wedding…she’s big on ettiquite), I just think the poems are kinda silly.  But my best friend asked me to and she’s hardly asked me to do anything as Maid/Matron of Honor so I feel like I should.  

Post # 36
Member
2360 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

[comment moderated for name calling] Anyway, I think the poems are horrible.

Post # 37
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Promise no sock-puppeting Smile – genuinely my thoughts on the matter.

Post # 38
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

We didnt actually go with a poem ourselves, though we have received plenty of invitations that include a poem – we have put this in with our invites:

It is your presence not your presents that will make our day special. However if you feel you would like to give us a gift, contributions towards our honeymoon fund would be greatly appreciated.

Post # 39
Member
1549 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I personally dont get offended if the bride and groom chose to ask for money. I’d rather bring it than trying to find a gadget gift I know will be stuck in a drawer or linen closet for the next 10 years.

As for the poems, well, it’s personal choice. I dont get offended or put off by them, unless they dont have an actual rhyme scheme and can be easily understood.

Post # 40
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I really like the presents/presence wording MrsS2b. To be honest, I’d like to be guided on gifts and it makes little to no difference to me (or my bank account) whether the couple I’m buying for would prefer a present or some money. What I have heard of which I think is rude is couples asking for money as an engagement present – that’s just not on!

Post # 41
Member
2360 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

[comment moderated for name calling]

Post # 42
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@redheadem:  I don’t understand? Is this targeted at the new users? Way to make us feel welcome…

Post # 43
Member
5592 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@bebefly:  Personally I dont’ find the funeral request of “in lieu of gifts” offensive, as what they’re usually indicating is that they’d like you to donate to a charity rather than give them cash directly, while weddings the couple is still intending to keep all the cash.

That said, I almost always give cash, I just don’t like it being demanded – cutesy poem or not.  And one better not refer to monetary gifts as “donations” or I’ll be hunting you down for my tax receipt 😛

Post # 44
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I cannot understand why anyone is offended by this at all?

Do you not think that its better to be told what the couple would like rather than waste money on something that’ll end up in the attic or on Ebay eventually?

Post # 45
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t find the act of giving money offensive. It’s normal in my culture and I always give money. What I think is annoying is the poem. It’s just… iritating and somewhat pointless (if giving money is normal in that culture). It could put people off.

Post # 46
Member
1875 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsS2b17:  Everyone knows that cash is appreciated, people don’t need to be told that.  The vast majority of people think asking for cash is rude for several reasons (it’s impersonal, makes people uncomfortable, dictating the gift, etc).  Also, including anything about gifts on or with the invite is considered very tacky by many people as it comes off as gift grabby.  It’s fine to have a gift registrey listed on the website and if you (general you) prefer cash you should either have a small registry or no registry and when people ask about it just say that you are saving up for XYZ.  People are smart enough to get the hint. =)

Also, it’s perfectly fine to give and receive cash, but it’s usually considered rude to ask for it (at least in the US).  If I got an invite with something about wanting cash, I’d probably not give cash.

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