Words of wisdom to help me come to terms with "one and done"?

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
7594 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

As an only child all I can say is that it’s going to be ok. Growing up as an only will be your daughter’s reality, so she’s not going to think “woe is me, how could I suffer this cruel fate!” When I was a kid, sometimes I wished I had a sibling to play with or to divert my parents’ attention away from me, but it was a grass is greener type of thing – not a deep despair or anything like that. Being an only child will likely make your daughter more independent because she’ll develop ways to entertain herself. There are lots of advantages! It’s gonna be okay!

I’m sorry to hear about your husband’s medical issues – that sounds really difficult, but glad he is feeling better now!

Post # 3
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I grew up an only child and it was fine. My daughter will be an only child as well. You really have to do what’s best for your whole family.

I would say let yourself grieve the loss of siblings and then focus on the positives. 

Post # 4
9967 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

My heart goes out to you, and I hope and pray your husband remains in remission forever.  I can’t imagine anything scarier than handling a pregnancy and newborn alone without my husband’s support. 

I have an only child (a son, now the most wonderful adult), although I tried for more after him, I had two miscarriages in the next two years and they were heartbreaking.  After the second I decided to be content with the one healthy son I already had and haven’t regretted it.  

Post # 5
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I’m sorry about the medical problems. 🙁 I can’t’ imagine what you must be going through. However, there is always the possibiliy of adoption. It may not be for everyone, but I know quite a few people who have adopted their children and they say it’s one of the best decisions they have ever made. I hope all goes well for you and your family.

Post # 6
681 posts
Busy bee

I loved being an only child so much I decided to only have one myself! We’re not yet at that stage of life where we are about to start trying or anything but we wrote a list down of the pros and cons of having only one, and for us the pros outweighed the cons, and we’re perfectly happy with this decision 

Post # 7
1000 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t know that there are any words of wisdom that can be offered to help you cope with the loss of dream. Just know that you are well within your rights to mourn the child and sibling that will never be and that there will be other dreams/hopes that will come true. 

Big hugs

Post # 8
1737 posts
Bumble bee

I ended up being one and done. I initially wanted more, but the reality of life ended up being different and I have no regrets now. My daughter is 11, and life is honestly a lot simpler having only one. I have one child I need to make sure I can pay all her further education costs, I have one that I have to pay for her activities so she can do much more than if I had more than one. I have one child that I have to get to and from activities and school events. I have one child I need to get through highschool in one piece.

I also get to experience, I feel a fuller experience of being a parent. We have a closer relationship because it’s just the two of us. I truly treasure each and every first we have (well maybe not the first time she said she hated me and I was ruining her life because she’s not allowed social media). But I enjoy everything else. We can spend so much focused one on one time. Whether it’s learning how to put on make up. Or all our fun car conversations to and from dance 4 days a week.

We’ve worked hard to find the balance between indulging and spoiling. She’s also developed a lot of independence and she has her best friends who are basically surrogate siblings. There’s a trio who are constantly in and out of each others houses bedrooms, our fridges and they’re all attached at the hip. Your kid will learn how to adjust to their reality as an only child.

Post # 11
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I love being an only child, even now that I’m almost 29. I’ve always been close with my parents, and they love coming to visit me and DH for the holidays. However, the one thing I wish that had been different is how my parents socialized me. Mom homeschooled me until the middle of sixth grade, and the kids at my church excluded me because I wasn’t part of their little school cliques. I went through an incredibly awkward phase when I finally started hanging out with people my own age. It sounds like your daughter is already making friends at daycare, so that’s fantastic. By all means, let yourself mourn the loss of your dream of having another child, but also focus on the positives and with helping your DH stay healthy. Keep fostering your daughter’s ability to make friends, and she’ll do just fine!

Post # 12
1737 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
Zeldastar04 :   I had alot of the same concerns. I’m one of three girls and I have two step-brothers. I couldn’t imagine growing up without siblings, they were the best and worst parts of my child hood. My daughter forged her own sisterhood for herself. They’re honestly closer than I was with my siblings, to the point where they wear matchign clothes. My daughter has been in daycare since she was 1 and like yours she’s very much always been the friendly social butterly. She’ll be okay.

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