Post # 1
He just texted me and said there’s a convention in Orlando for his job that he wants to go to in November. I assume I’m not invited because it’s work related, and I’m not sure how I should be feeling about this. I want to be happy for him, but it’s hard to be happy if he’s going away without me. Is it unreasonable of me to be upset about this?
Post # 3
Yes it is unreasonable for you to be upset. Work travel is just that, work travel. If his trip is spanning a weekend maybe you could meet him there for the weekend (if there are no work comitments), but unless it is a work outing that is specifically set up for both employess AND spouses, you wanting to tag along is a bit strange.
My husband travels for work a fair bit, sometimes I am a bit jealous of the places he gets to go, but the fact that I don’t get to go doesn’t upset me.
Post # 4
I don’t think this is something you can reasonably get upset about. Where I work, everyone travels frequently for meetings and conferences and it’s rare anyone brings along a spouse, unless maybe they are there over a weekend and have some free time.
Post # 5
As someone who has traveled a lot for work in the past couple years…you probably don’t have much to be jealous of lol. Most conventions I’ve been to consist of spending a lot of time in hotel ballrooms and then drinking with your coworkers at night.
Is there any reason in particular that this bothers you? Maybe you could plan a separate weekend getaway or something so you have a trip you can both look forward to?
Post # 6
While it’s technically unreasonable (as in, not terribly rational), I understand it. Darling Husband feels the same way when I travel for work, which isn’t very often. He’s stuck at home eating scraps while I’m off drinking and having fun with the crazy Teamsters on an expense account. He knows it’s a work trip and I didn’t really CHOOSE to go, but it’s hard not to think of it as me going on a vacation without him when I’m having that much fun!
Post # 7
@bellasperanza: I agree! I went to a work conference in Orlando and got excited because we’d be right by Disneyworld. I spent the whole time in the convention center and when I wasn’t there I was at the crappy holiday inn where we were staying 20 minutes away. It really wasn’t the fun few days in Orlando I thought it’d be. But it was my first job out of college and I was a bit naive about business travel.
Post # 8
My last “business” trip was to Punta Cana for a sales meeting; our company does allow you to bring Spouses/SO, but at your own expense. Even though it was on a beach resort, it was still business, and would not be able to do many things together while there. So as much fun as it sounds, it is nowhere near a nice getaway together.
Post # 9
I definitly don’t think you should be upset about it, my Fiance has to travel for work meetings 3-4 times every year it’s a part of his job. He calls me all the time while he’s away and I always look forward to what he brings me back! =]
Post # 10
@bellasperanza: drinking with your coworkers at night.
I guess this is what bothers me. I don’t like the idea of him at some hotel bar without me getting tanked. It’s not that I don’t trust him, but he can’t expect me to be like “Yay! Awesome!”
It’s not a required thing, either. He said he might be lucky enough to get chosen to go, and he’s very excited about it. I just couldn’t imagine being excited to spend time away from him. I guess I’m the only one.
Post # 11
A lot of business contacts get strengthened over drinks after the official work day is over. Also if it is an honor for him to be picked to go you should be excited about that and what that could mean for his career.
I always miss Darling Husband when he goes away for work, but sometimes it is nice to be able to curl up with a chick flick and a glass of wine on your own every now and then.
Post # 12
@OneOfTheseDaysAlice: I might be biased, because while I like my coworkers reasonably well, most of them are 15 years older than me and it feels just a little like hanging out with my parents. It’s not the same kind of fun as hanging out with a big group of friends. Maybe it’s different for your SO though, in which case I could see how it would bother you.
Keep in mind though, he’s probably not thinking about it as “I can’t wait to be away from my SO!”…he’s probably just looking forward to a change of pace. Maybe he sees it as a good move for his career? Try to keep some perspective on the situation…I’m guessing if you asked, he would tell you that he will definitely miss you.
Post # 13
This one is a sensitive topic for me as well, as I *do* get upset when my spouse travels for work.
I think it is okay to feel upset… but it is not okay to project this onto your spouse. It is work travel, and conventions really aren’t all that fun. I don’t think its fair if you were to get mad at your spouse, or to try and talk him out of going. Plus, if this advances his career, more money in your household right? 🙂
I think it makes a difference WHY you’re upset. is it because he’s “having fun” and traveling without you? Is it because you are worried he might cheat or go too far with a coworker? Is it because you’ll miss him too much? Are you jealous because you want to travel?
For me, I don’t like being home alone. i HATE IT and am super paranoid, even when I’m only alone for a few hours in the evening. Hate it. So that’s the primary reason I get upset that my spouse leaves. A secondary reason is, there is a lot to do around the house and with all our pets, and I wouldn’t have any help with it – so I feel a little bitter.
I think if you identify the root of why you’re upset, it might help you communicate with him. If its because you’re jealous hes traveling, maybe plan a mini-cation with him when he returns, to make up for it. If you’re worried about him with other females, perhaps broach that topic with him.
I’m sorry you are upset, I really would be too. But holding him back and/or getting mad at him over this would just build resentment (I’ve done it… oops)
Post # 14
Yes it is unreasonable for you to be upset. It’s a work function. If you want to (and he wants you to go, too) then you can – on your dime.
Fiance goes away for work a lot, sometimes I go sometimes I don’t. It really depends on where it is and if we can afford to pay for my airfare. It’s not all that exciting though – you basically hang out alone all day until they get home at night – and even most nights they have things to do, some of which spouses are invited others of which are not. So, don’t go into it thinking it’s going to be a nice vacation for you two – you’ll be disappointed. Go to it for a nice vacation for yourself.
Edit – I don’t think you shoudl be concerned about him getting tanked without you. Tanked is not something you want to be at a convention (nor should he get that out of control in front of coworkers at a work-related event). Usually sessions start around 7 am and you are in them all day long – tanked is the last thing I want to do at the end of a long day at a convention. Maybe a drink or two then bed and up to do it all over again. It’s actally worse then being in the office, other than you’re in nice warm location.