(Closed) Work shower for co-worker, but not invited to wedding

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

If I liked the coworker, I’d be willing to pitch in $10 or so for a combined gift or something, but I probably wouldn’t go out and buy an actual gift from the registry.

That’s how we do it it my office. If someone gets married or has a baby, we’ll take up a collection that’s voluntary and without any obligation, and however much we get, someone goes out and buys one gift in that amount from the registry, and we all sign a card.

I usually pitch in $5-$15 depending on how much I like the person, and my money situation at the time.

Post # 4
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

No you’re not obligated at all. Typically at co-worker type showers that I’ve been to everyone pitches in whatever they feel appropriate and they get the person 1 gift, it’s a little more appropriate that way.

Post # 5
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

This is tricky. B/C there will be an actual ‘shower’ where everyone in the department is in attendence and you only get to sign the card if you contributed towards the gift financially. So I think it would be a little awkward not to give something. I hate it though how instead of just sending out an email asking everyone for $$, you always get the woman who come up to each person to remind them “You haven’t given any $$ yet, how much do you want to give?” instead of politely leaving us alone if we don’t want to buy a gift.

Post # 6
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

The women at work – none of them invited to my wedding – got together and did something for me yesterday.  Not everyone in the office participated and as the bride I certainly wasn’t keeping score.  I’m not offended by those who didn’t participate.  If you want to attend the shower, I say go, give the bride your best wishes, enjoy a few minutes with her outside of work and be on your way!  Your good thoughts for her and her wedding is gift enough!

Post # 7
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think that is a little ridiculous to invite anyone to a shower who isn’t invited to the wedding. 

Post # 8
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Our office always does wedding/baby showers for people, regardless of who is/isn’t invited to the wedding, but there’s no real pressure to give. One person acts as the “collector” and sends out an email. If we want to contribute, we can swing by her office to drop off whatever amount we’re comfortable with or just sign the card. It is awkward, but I think kind of typical in an office setting.

Post # 9
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would contribute to a group gift (if I know and like the person), but I wouldn’t buy something on my own from the registry. Is the friend throwing the shower also a coworker? At my office we usually have someone from work organize a shower for anyone who’s getting married, and that person is in charge of collecting money for a gift card or something.

Post # 10
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee

I didn’t invite anyone from work, but someone did take up a collection and they bought a few things from our registry and a card. It was lovely! But they did it at the group Xmas party rather than call it a “shower” which maybe took the pressure off? I have also seen casual morning or afternoon teas organised for the person before they go on leave for their wedding. Calling it a “shower” seems a bit too formal to me especially if you aren’t invited. Definitely not obligated, but I would still do it! 

Post # 12
Hostess
16195 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Good luck! Kinda awkward but it sounds like you’re taking the high road. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

My bosses held an engagement party for me at their home and invited lots of people from work (90% of whom were not invited to the wedding.. but my wedding was in MA and I live in TN).  My registry info was provided to those who were invited.  Most people from my office brought a gift with them, and some showed up without a gift.  I was just happy to celebrate with them and I wasn’t upset about anyone not bringing a gift.

Post # 14
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

A team gift is great! My MIL’s orthodontist office all chipped in and got us patio furniture =]

Post # 15
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I feel like different rules apply in an office setting.  I’ve been invited to a ton of wedding showers in my office, and most of us weren’t invited to the wedding.  Sometimes we did a joint gift, other times I bought one on my own.  Its always hard to buy a gift for someone you barely know, but its better to just do that than to be the one that didn’t play nice.  I usually spend about $30.  If no one is doing a group gift, I’d initiate it myself. 

Post # 16
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

my company does this all the time.. i went to one where we all chipped in like $5 and got a gift card… i dont think anyone from work was invited to that wedding… there was one that EVERYONE was invited to the wedding and shower so we didnt chip in on anything bec. we had already gotten plenty.. it was more just a nice well wishing surprise breakfast her last day before vacation.  we are planning on for a girl in my department next month, im not invited to her wedding, shes not invited to mine.. we are friendly but it was a mutual thing since we are BOTH trying to cut guest lists and had an understanding.. i have no problem donating for something for her… and doing breakfast or dessert in the afternoon.

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