Post # 1
I dont know whether I just need to vent or some opinions from the other Bee’s. I am on this website a lot and am beginning to love it (even more than facebook 😀 Anyways here is my story.
I got engaged to my wonderful fiance Kelly almost a month ago. We are planning to be married in Spring ’11. He is working full time, as which I am and I am also enrolled in the technical school full-time + some. So needless to say I have a full workload. I do private in home care 55 hours a week for a lady who has Ahlzheimer’s. I stay the night three nights a week and the pay is very excellent. I am finding myself having a hard time staying at this job for quite a few reasons.
1)The lady I take care of can be very polite and kind, but most times she is upset with me, violent, and yelling. She has even hit me once. I know it is not the lady’s fault and previous to her disease she was a wonderful lady. All day long she is upset that I (or her other care takers) are in her home. I am very respectful to her and I try and stay away as much as possible and help when needed but that usually backfires and she ends up upset. I just cant win for losing. I am trained in this field and have been taught how to handle this disease, but there comes a time when it really effects me emotionally.
2) Being newly engaged and being gone three nights a week is NOT fun 😉
3) I am completely torn on what to do. I want to help this woman and give her a better life by being here, but in the process I am stressed to the point where it is taking a toll on my life outside of work.
The big problem here is that most of my paycheck is going into our wedding fund, and without this job, we wouldnt have the wedding we want. And with the economic situation the area I live in is, I am extremely lucky to have the job I do.
So do I sacrafice my happiness and bear with it, or do I start looking for something else.
Thanks everyone for listening! I really just needed to get it out!
Post # 3
I think if you have a backup plan that makes enough money that you can still be as comfortable as you like, then go for it.
There’s lots of people on here that spend nights away from their Fiance and are able to make it work. My Fiance is a emergency worker, so 4 nights every other week he works graveyard shifts, and I miss him, but we try to make time that we do have together more special. You just have to figure out something that works for you and your Fiance, and if that means finding a job that you’re home every night then so be it.
Post # 4
I would be wary of quitting a job in your field that pays well in this economy. I know it sounds harsh, but you will likely be looking for work for months and months if you quit.
Post # 5
Thanks for the advice. I honestly dont know if I could find another job at this good of pay, but if it were darn close I would make it work and cut corners in my personal life.
Its actually not the being away from home part that is more upsetting (I just recently went from 2 nights to 3) it is the way I feel when I am here. When I got trained they told me to not let it get to me because it was the disease not the person, but after a while it really breaks me down.
Post # 6
I agree that I would be wary of quitting right now since it’s so hard to find a job in this economy. I would start looking for other jobs right now and see if you can get something that can replace the income at least partially. Then you could keep most of the same quality of live and savings. I hope you can get out of there soon!
Post # 7
My parents always told me not to quit a job until you have a job, and it’s easier to get a job when you have a job. It has always worked for me. I would try looking for a replacement job while you still have one, that way, there does not have to be a sacrifice. Good Luck.
Post # 8
If you are really unhappy then start looking for something else. But don’t quit your job until you have something else lined up, as others said it might be difficult to find something. I can understand how being away from your Fiance and just the stress of the job would get to you after a while. It sounds like a tough job to do!
I personally place a high priority on being happy at my job and I just got out of a job I hated and in to something I love about a year ago. It has made a huge difference in my entire life…Sunday is no longer a day to sit around and dread Monday! 🙂 So if you really want it then start looking, hopefully you can find something awesome.
Post # 9
Thank you all for your kind and caring advice! It really helped being able to get it out and hearing what other people think. I guess I start job hunting next week. The thing I value most in life is happiness, and if I am not finding it here, I need to find a place where I can be. I really appreciate all the advice and will let you all know what I decide to do..
Post # 10
So I decided to keep my job. Even though it may be extremely stressful, I am doing good for this woman and that is all that should matter.
Post # 11
You’re doing a good thing; that’s why you’re in this field, right? Patients won’t always be easy and you’ll have GREAT experience on your resume when you do get ready to switch. you can talk about perseverence and stuff like that.
By the way, my mom works with Alheizmers patients and it is TOUGH work. She has some crazy stories for me…i feel so bad for those folks. Alheizmers is awful =(
Post # 12
Thanks. It means a lot. It is extremely stressful, but it evens out with knowing your bettering their lives. And yes, the disease is horrible, so saddening.
Post # 13
I was about to agree with the others and tell you to keep it until you had something else lined up. Then I saw you decided to keep it. I agree, you’re doing a very good thing. I admit that i wouldn’t be able to do what you are doing. I’m currently looking for a job near my Fiance so I can move in with him. I currently have a job that I despise, but can’t leave it due to financial reasons. Good luck with everything!
Post # 14
I think you are doing the right thing staying with this job. It is so hard to find a job in the current economy and the one that you have pays well which is awesome! At least stick with it while you are working towards paying for your wedding.
I do have to say that I think you sound like a really amazing person! You really are doing something great for this woman, and even if she cannot express it due to her condition…she appreciates it.
Post # 15
Before I moved overseas and got into the internet marketing field, I was a juvenile corrections officer at a private girls facility. Because I was a figure of authority, I was often the object of the wraith of the girls. Physical and emotional. My lord you would never think a 10 or 12 year old could say the things they did about you, your family, your life (what they knew of it), but they could.
In the 5 years that I worked for this company (in several different states) there was always turn over because people coming in, thinking they were going to make this huge difference in the kids’ lives and that the kids’ would just love them, would leave after getting their feelings hurt…by something a kid said. I found the secret to success was to ignore it. They were kids. Why was I going to let kids dictate the state of my emotions? The physical I could deal with, the emotional I just ignored. They were kids. Mean, nasty, little street rats.
Honestly, the same goes for your situation. I know it’s draining, but as you said you know it’s not her fault. You can’t look at it as an attack on you. No matter what the woman says or does, it’s not her speaking. Why are you going to let someone not in their right mind dictate how you feel??
Sorry, I’m not sure that was much help…I do wish you luck though. These type of jobs are hard so I wish you all the luck in the world. Just know that you’re making someone a lot more comfortable in their illness.