Post # 1
Let me preface by saying that I am an elementary school teacher and I never expected anyone at work to throw me shower. They have celebrations for new babies and retirements, but I have only been here for a year and regardless, I wouldn’t expect anyone to have a celebration in my honor–especially since no one from work is invited.
Everyone knows that I am getting marrried, but I didn’t make a big deal out of it. Another teacher got engaged shortly after me, and her wedding is about a month after mine. She has also kept pretty quiet, and is having a DW so no one from work is invited.
This morning an email was sent out, inviting everyone to an after-school celebration for the other girl’s upcoming wedding. I won’t be able to attend due to a previous commitment, but even if that wasn’t the case, I don’t think I could go without being somewhat bitter. FI and I don’t need anything, so it’s not about the gifts, but rather about the principle of the matter. She and I started working here at the same time, got engaged at about the same time and our weddings are about at the same time. I feel that it’s pretty rude to have something for her, but not for me.
Part of me feels like I am just overreacting. Am I? Or should I rightfully feel slighted?
ETA: The email I received was sent to the whole school, so I doubt it is going to be a surprise shower for me as well.
Post # 3
@somerrae: I would be offended too. That is really rude and unfair.
Post # 4
@somerrae: …awkward. is she friends with more people outside of work than you are? i.e. does she go out with a group of teachers for dinner once a week, and you don’t, or something? the only explanation i can come up with is that a work-friend set up this engagement for her and maybe there wasn’t someone in your circle with the same motivation?
Post # 5
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@somerrae: That’s definitely odd IMO. Maybe they think they can’t throw you a shower because you don’t have a registry? I’m assuming based on you saying you two don’t need anything.
Are you sure people know that you’re getting married?
Post # 6
Are you sure it isn’t a joint shower, but they just didn’t say that in your email, so it would remain a surprise to you?
Post # 7
@somerrae: Who sent the email? Is it all the other teachers throwing it together or is she just really close with one of them and they a doing it for her?
Post # 8
Definitely understand how you feel and I would also feel slighted, however, my first thoughts after reading your message is that it’s probably a surprise shower for you too, maybe they sent her the same email but saying it was your shower? so you’ll both show up thinking its for the other?? Not sure if that’s actually what’s going on but that would be a sneaky/cute thing to do.
If I’m wrong then I’m sorry that sucks:( but don’t fret, none of these people will be at your wedding anyway.
Post # 9
I do think that’s rude, especially to announce it to the entire school. However, is everyone at your school invited to her wedding? If so, then it’s fairly standard to host a shower for the bride and all the female invitees. I think it’s optional for them to throw you a shower (totally voluntary) since no one is invited to yours. My office is throwing me a shower even though none of them are invited (we are small and all close).
Post # 10
Maybe she has a close friend at work who thought to throw her a shower. I doubt this is the whole school slighting you as I’m sure the whole school isn’t throwing her a shower. Sure, you can be slighted, but there are so many reasons I can think of for why they wouldn’t throw a shower for you, but they did for her.
Post # 11
@FortiesFlare: +1. I was wondering about them surprising you.
Post # 12
I ditto the PP’s – are you sure they’re not throwing a joint surprise shower? Maybe they’re not. It would definitely be odd if they were planning a shower for one and not the other. Are you sure no one from work is going to the DW? Were they invited? Have you been vocal about not wanting gifts?
Post # 13
@somerrae: That’s so rude and just plain weird. Why couldn’t they have just thrown you both a co-shower? IDK if that’s a thing, but I feel like it would work well in this situation. I don’t know what I would do, I guess it’s not going to help to say something. Sorry 🙁
Post # 14
@somerrae: I would be offended….yeah.
Post # 15
The email was sent out to our school “world” so everyone received the same email — so there is no surprise in there.
My FI comes to my work every other Friday with guys from his command to do PE with the upper grade students. Everyone on campus knows him, and knows that we’re getting married a week after school gets out and then moving cross country.
She lives over an hour away and is always at school late, as far as I know, she doesn’t have a close group of work friends. But she may be close with someone that I’m not aware of. I still think that it is a bit rude since the “event” is being held at school not to somewhat honor us both.
Post # 16
That’s really awkward and rude.