(Closed) Workaholic Husband

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Maybe have protected “couple time” for a little bit each night? I know it’s hard to turn off working when it’s all right in front of you (I’m in grad school and work in my lab during the day, so I often feel I should be studying at night) but I try to eat dinner with my husband, maybe watch a movie or some other activity, and give him my full attention for a period of time. It may not be feasible to have as much time as you want – Lord knows I’d rather spend 4-5 concentrated hours with my husband rather than 1-2 per night – but that’s a sacrifice we have to make for now. Why is he working two jobs – to provide, cause he wants to, cause it’s interesting to him?

Post # 5
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@PARISviaROME:  Oh, so the second job is a mutual thing? Maybe he thinks you’re interested in the business and you’re the person he can talk to about it constantly, since you’re growing it together?

Post # 6
Member
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@PARISviaROME: Do you watch any TV? This I find to be the biggest killer of couple time. If you turn on the TV in the evening then you two really should have time to connect. As PP suggested I would try to ring fence some time for just you two. As for your fears about TTC they are very legitimate. You need to tell your husband that his emotional unavailability is making you question your decision to have kids with him. 

Good Luck!  

Post # 7
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@PARISviaROME:  I second having set aside couple time, or even plain old date night!  I love scheduled dates nights with DH!

Post # 8
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

The thing that works for us is to plan a date night. That way, I’m looking forward to it (I like anticipating the event) and he gets out of his normal routine and gets a chance to unwind.  

The other thinig that is really helpful is to just leave for a short weekend (1 or 2 nights) – if you can get away and do something really relaxing, that might be just the thing you both need!

Post # 10
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@PARISviaROME:  I have a workaholic hubby too. Sometimes we (or I) would even suffer from times awkward or tense silence. *Sigh* In premarital counseling, the counselor got him to say, “I am a workaholic.” In my case, he’s been that way from before I met him, from before we had to “make ends meet” together. We did run a business together as well, and I got so mentally exhausted because that’s all he would talk about, that I checked out on the business. I wanted to seperate family life from business life and realized that I couldn’t continue to be in business together with him. 

It is hard. The counselor suggested that we both take an hour or two seperate “me time” once per week and at least two hours once per week where we have couple time. She also had us do other exercises together. Counseling was helpful when we were going. We are both more conscious of things, but it is a work in progress.

Post # 12
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@PARISviaROME:  Good luck! The fact that he initiated couple time is a good thing. Maybe next time you can gently suggest that you go for a walk somewhere or a drive to get some ice cream or something. I like our TV time together, but just not in place of a real date. I understand that they are exhausted both physically and mentally (running a business is so taxing), but there has to be a point where he puts at least a little more effort into connecting with you on a less superficial level. I totally empathize with you.

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