Working mom shaming

posted 10 months ago in Parenting
Post # 2
Member
2243 posts
Buzzing bee

pinkemeraldrose :  ummm are you sure those are your “friends”? because if someone actually said that to you, they deserved to be decked square in the nose. they sound like truly miserable, shitty human beings to stick THEIR noses into YOUR marriage and lifestyle choices. 

 

ETA: you don’t need to defend your choices to those bitter old bats. you shouldn’t have to summon up your best “comeback” because you need to cut all those bitches off. on another note, you shouldn’t be judging their lifestyle choices to marry wealthy men so that they can be afforded the lifestyle they want (no matter how grimey that seems). be secure in your decision to live your life how you see fit. 

Post # 3
Member
47201 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

pinkemeraldrose :  Part of becoming a mature adult, is to develop a healthy self esteem, such that you don’t need a comeback for such comments.

“Thanks for sharing your opinion.”  Full stop.

Post # 4
Member
6533 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

pinkemeraldrose :  you don’t need to justify anything to them.  Or to us. It doesn’t matter if you live in the cheapest town in the country or married a billionaire. There is nothing wrong with wanting to work or not allowing a baby to absorb you.  A good answer would be “FU” or “it takes a sad person to judge someone else’s life decisions and decide if they are worthy or not” or “bye, bitch, I’m not interested in a ‘friend’ who thinks so little of the man I marred.”  I wouldn’t keep associating with people like this. 

Post # 5
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

You shouldn’t have to explain your choices to anyone. Just like everything else in this life: some things are not for everyone. (And some people can’t afford to be “full time mommy.”) There’s nothing wrong with that and there’s no shame in it. 

People need to stop thinking that just because you pop out a baby, that mommy is your only job from here on out. It is for some but not for everyone. Not everyone can afford to be that choosy and anyone who would shame you for working, or not working for that matter, isn’t really your friend. 

Sounds like you need a new inner circle.

Post # 6
Member
9177 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

skunktastic :  +1000000. My vote would be for “bye, bitch” 😂

Post # 8
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think it’s time to get a new, supportive group of friends. I am friends with some lovely stay at home moms (I work), mom’s who work part time, mom’s who are still in school, mom’s who work full-time etc. Some of us have higher incomes than others. The point is we don’t judge each other or say hurtful things about our spouses, life choices etc. You and your husband are doing what you feel is best for your family. That is all that matters.

Post # 9
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve had to distance myself from some long time friends for this same attitude.  My husband and I both have a lot of student loans from physical therapy school.  I can’t afford to take off an extended period of time (and expect him to keep paying on my loans) because there is a lot of competition for jobs.  So I will be a working mom as well them the time comes.

It is very frustrating so instead of trying to justify the fact I have to work, I have instead tried to surround myself with people that are either totally supportive or in the same situation as me.  You’re not going to stop these so called friends from being judgmental, so IMO you’re better off without them in your life.  Trust me, it’s not something I did lightly, but for my own peace of mind, I had to do it.

I also tell myself that you really don’t know what happens behind closed doors.  One of these Stay-At-Home Mom “friends” was always posting all over social media how wonderful her iife was, and that’s what she wanted everyone to think.  But I know she was not happy.  Her husband had to work a lot in order for her to stay home, and that meant many days on the road traveling for work.  She then would also be resentful that he wouldn’t, or couldn’t, help out more at home.  I know one other woman who always had to keep an eye on her husband because he had a roving eye.  Now of course not all SAHMs are unhappy, but you can’t think that everyone has it better or easier than you.

Post # 10
Member
718 posts
Busy bee

Your ‘friends’ suck. They sound like they’re unhappy with their own life choices, why else would they judge yours?

The reality of life is that most of us need two incomes to support a household and adequately plan for our kids future. 

Post # 11
Member
1372 posts
Bumble bee

Bee, you definitely don’t need to explain to us about the city you live in. I don’t give a shit if your apartment is $400 a month–they have no goddamn business saying any of this. These people are noooooooot your friends. No friend would say that! I’m all pissed off and fired up over here!

Post # 12
Member
3028 posts
Sugar bee

pinkemeraldrose :  I long for the day a woman who is also a mom does not feel she has to justify working outside the home. It is unbelievable, in this day and age, that these ignorant attitudes are still going around.

Post # 13
Member
348 posts
Helper bee

Omg!  That would drive me nuts.  I have a few friends who are sahms.  Although it is absolutely never a choice I would make for myself, I have never once questioned my friends on their decision.  It’s their life, their choice.  They know what’s best for themselves, their relationships and their family.

The reason I would never want to be a sahm is that I think financial dependence on your husband is a real weakness.  Once an individual has been out of the workforce for a long period of time, it is extremely difficult to reenter it at the same pay grade particularly if you are older.  To me, it’s too scary to pin both my well being and my children’s wellbeing on my husband.  What if he dies or is disabled?  What if it turns out he is a massive jerk? Maybe he just sucks at his job… To me, the risk is too high.  (I’m not questioning others choices, it’s simply not a choice I would make for myself.)  Its very important to me that I be able to support myself and my children.

Additionally, I like my job.  Its stimulating and challenging.  Children grow up and move on.  I can practice my profession forever.  In fact, I hope their comes a day when I can do pro bono work with no need for compensation.  

Your friends shouldn’t judge your choices.  But, it they do, I would make some of the points above.  😋

 

Post # 14
Member
11969 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

”Why would you say something like that?” 

These people are not your friends. I was a Stay-At-Home Mom for a number of years but am outraged on your behalf that anyone would have the nerve to say those things to you. 

Post # 15
Member
38 posts
Newbee

Tell them you want to raise your children to become strong, independent, ambitious adults and in order to do that you want to show them that women can have careers and run a successful household whilst raising their happy and fulfilled children. They probably won’t say much but they will go away and fester over that notion. Alternatively, tell them to mind their own business. No, you don’t have to justify yourself but some people need to be put back in their box every once in a while and rising above it just lets them think it’s ok to say things like that. It’s not. 

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