Post # 1
Almost 11 weeks prego here. Planning on going back to work after about 2 months maternity leave. Already got judged by all my Stay-At-Home Mom friends. Most offensive comments so far: “I would never chose career over family”, “Your husband should be able to come up with extra money to provide for his family like a real man, if he loves you, he will figure it out”, and last but not least “your baby should be your number one priority, when you become a mom you are supposed to make sacrifices”. Etc.
I know there have been several threads in the past on this topic, but I wanna get more apecific with this one. The thing that bothers me the most is people assume my husband doesn’t work hard enough to provide for his future family. And the fact that I will also have to work just so we can afford to keep our aparyment means he is too selfish/lazy to make more money, instead he is forcing the poor me to keep a job too.
A little background on why this is so offensive. We live in one of the most expensove cities in US. It costs $2300 per month on avarage for a 600sq foot 1 bedroom apartment. Houses here cost over a million for a small crappy fixer upper in a crappy neighborhood. My husband makes good income but due to expenses associated with living here it’s not enough to sustain a family long term, save for a house, save for retirement, save for kids college, afford to put healthy food on the table and a safe neighborhood to live at. He works sometimes 6 days a week 12 hour shifts. On days off he does chores and cooks. So no, he is not lazy or selfish. Moving is not an option for us at this time, but maybe several years from now. As for the time being, we simply can’t afford for me not to work. Also, we will be getting free day care from family, so it’s the most economical choice for sure.
I wanna hear some good comebacks that I can use against these attacks from SAHM’s who’s husbands practically print money our of their a**. I know not all SAHM’s have rich husbands and I have highest respect and no judgement for SAHM’s. But the ones that have been judging me have married moneybags specifically so they don’t have to work, and they are outraged that I didn’t do the same. I know this because they told me themselves, if the man wasn’t rich enough they wouldn’t have said “I Do”.
Post # 2
pinkemeraldrose : ummm are you sure those are your “friends”? because if someone actually said that to you, they deserved to be decked square in the nose. they sound like truly miserable, shitty human beings to stick THEIR noses into YOUR marriage and lifestyle choices.
ETA: you don’t need to defend your choices to those bitter old bats. you shouldn’t have to summon up your best “comeback” because you need to cut all those bitches off. on another note, you shouldn’t be judging their lifestyle choices to marry wealthy men so that they can be afforded the lifestyle they want (no matter how grimey that seems). be secure in your decision to live your life how you see fit.
Post # 3
pinkemeraldrose : Part of becoming a mature adult, is to develop a healthy self esteem, such that you don’t need a comeback for such comments.
“Thanks for sharing your opinion.” Full stop.
Post # 4
pinkemeraldrose : you don’t need to justify anything to them. Or to us. It doesn’t matter if you live in the cheapest town in the country or married a billionaire. There is nothing wrong with wanting to work or not allowing a baby to absorb you. A good answer would be “FU” or “it takes a sad person to judge someone else’s life decisions and decide if they are worthy or not” or “bye, bitch, I’m not interested in a ‘friend’ who thinks so little of the man I marred.” I wouldn’t keep associating with people like this.
Post # 5
You shouldn’t have to explain your choices to anyone. Just like everything else in this life: some things are not for everyone. (And some people can’t afford to be “full time mommy.”) There’s nothing wrong with that and there’s no shame in it.
People need to stop thinking that just because you pop out a baby, that mommy is your only job from here on out. It is for some but not for everyone. Not everyone can afford to be that choosy and anyone who would shame you for working, or not working for that matter, isn’t really your friend.
Sounds like you need a new inner circle.
Post # 6
skunktastic : +1000000. My vote would be for “bye, bitch” 😂
Post # 7
Post # 8
I think it’s time to get a new, supportive group of friends. I am friends with some lovely stay at home moms (I work), mom’s who work part time, mom’s who are still in school, mom’s who work full-time etc. Some of us have higher incomes than others. The point is we don’t judge each other or say hurtful things about our spouses, life choices etc. You and your husband are doing what you feel is best for your family. That is all that matters.
Post # 9
I’ve had to distance myself from some long time friends for this same attitude. My husband and I both have a lot of student loans from physical therapy school. I can’t afford to take off an extended period of time (and expect him to keep paying on my loans) because there is a lot of competition for jobs. So I will be a working mom as well them the time comes.
It is very frustrating so instead of trying to justify the fact I have to work, I have instead tried to surround myself with people that are either totally supportive or in the same situation as me. You’re not going to stop these so called friends from being judgmental, so IMO you’re better off without them in your life. Trust me, it’s not something I did lightly, but for my own peace of mind, I had to do it.
I also tell myself that you really don’t know what happens behind closed doors. One of these Stay-At-Home Mom “friends” was always posting all over social media how wonderful her iife was, and that’s what she wanted everyone to think. But I know she was not happy. Her husband had to work a lot in order for her to stay home, and that meant many days on the road traveling for work. She then would also be resentful that he wouldn’t, or couldn’t, help out more at home. I know one other woman who always had to keep an eye on her husband because he had a roving eye. Now of course not all SAHMs are unhappy, but you can’t think that everyone has it better or easier than you.
Post # 10
Your ‘friends’ suck. They sound like they’re unhappy with their own life choices, why else would they judge yours?
The reality of life is that most of us need two incomes to support a household and adequately plan for our kids future.
Post # 11
Bee, you definitely don’t need to explain to us about the city you live in. I don’t give a shit if your apartment is $400 a month–they have no goddamn business saying any of this. These people are noooooooot your friends. No friend would say that! I’m all pissed off and fired up over here!
Post # 12
pinkemeraldrose : I long for the day a woman who is also a mom does not feel she has to justify working outside the home. It is unbelievable, in this day and age, that these ignorant attitudes are still going around.
Post # 13
Omg! That would drive me nuts. I have a few friends who are sahms. Although it is absolutely never a choice I would make for myself, I have never once questioned my friends on their decision. It’s their life, their choice. They know what’s best for themselves, their relationships and their family.
The reason I would never want to be a sahm is that I think financial dependence on your husband is a real weakness. Once an individual has been out of the workforce for a long period of time, it is extremely difficult to reenter it at the same pay grade particularly if you are older. To me, it’s too scary to pin both my well being and my children’s wellbeing on my husband. What if he dies or is disabled? What if it turns out he is a massive jerk? Maybe he just sucks at his job… To me, the risk is too high. (I’m not questioning others choices, it’s simply not a choice I would make for myself.) Its very important to me that I be able to support myself and my children.
Additionally, I like my job. Its stimulating and challenging. Children grow up and move on. I can practice my profession forever. In fact, I hope their comes a day when I can do pro bono work with no need for compensation.
Your friends shouldn’t judge your choices. But, it they do, I would make some of the points above. 😋
Post # 14
”Why would you say something like that?”
These people are not your friends. I was a Stay-At-Home Mom for a number of years but am outraged on your behalf that anyone would have the nerve to say those things to you.
Post # 15
Tell them you want to raise your children to become strong, independent, ambitious adults and in order to do that you want to show them that women can have careers and run a successful household whilst raising their happy and fulfilled children. They probably won’t say much but they will go away and fester over that notion. Alternatively, tell them to mind their own business. No, you don’t have to justify yourself but some people need to be put back in their box every once in a while and rising above it just lets them think it’s ok to say things like that. It’s not.