Working mom shaming

posted 10 months ago in Parenting
Post # 16
Member
1499 posts
Bumble bee

kll3 :  What an utter crock of $hit.  I was raised by a SAMH and the most independent, strongest and ambitious woman I know among my friends.  How DARE you get on your so-called “moral high horse” and imply that women who are raised by SAMHs are dependent, weak and unambitious.?

Post # 17
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee

    

Post # 18
Member
38 posts
Newbee

bywater :  Slightly defensive there. Nothing I said was against stay at home mums and I certainly didn’t imply those who were raised by them are any of those things you mention. It was about people that feel the need to strongly project their opinions on motherhood onto other people who choose to parent differently with no regard for how they may make that person feel. It’s no one else’s business and if someone made a comment like that to me, that would be my response. So no, no moral high ground here. She asked for opinions, I gave mine. There really was no need for such an aggressive message. And you certainly don’t need to go reading between the lines to find any implied meaning, I meant exactly what I said. 

Post # 19
Member
7752 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

You say “I don’t judge your choices, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t judge mine”. And then glare knowingly. Haha.

Seriously though, you don’t owe anyone any explanations. I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom but I’d never judge a working mother- they are on a different path than me and that’s OK!

Post # 20
Member
1499 posts
Bumble bee

kll3 :  You meant that children raised by SAHMs were not raised to be strong, independent, ambitious adults.  Those last four words are yours, not mine.

Post # 21
Member
1680 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Bee, this is one of those situations that women never win.  If your going back to work your neglecting your kids and family, if you decided to be a Stay-At-Home Mom you’d have other people come out and say your spoiling your kids, not contributing to society, draining your husband, being lazy and/or setting fire to any chance of a career.

Don’t worry about snappy comebacks, just focus on what’s right for you and your family and don’t respond to unwelcome comments.

 

Post # 22
Member
38 posts
Newbee

MsPlucky :  Good grief! That isn’t what I said at all. We should be supporting our friends who choose to stay home or go to work because that’s their choice and my response was about standing up for ourselves when people make us feel bad for our choices by saying things that the OP has experienced. Those people, who say downright judgemental, potentially hurtful things to their so called friends do need to be put back in their box because saying things like ‘oh your husband just needs to make more money’ is ridiculous, demeaning and inappropriate. That person in particular, needs a stern response and mine was an example of such a response. 

Post # 23
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Wow weird. Where I am, moms get shamed for staying at home. 

Post # 24
Member
478 posts
Helper bee

It’s funny no one ever expects a man to be stay at home dad because they had a baby and pick their priority between family and career. I would personally never want to be a stay at home mom, I worked too hard for my career to stop just because of kids and I made sure to discuss that with my husband before we got married. If we ever feel that one parent needs to stay home it would be my husband. I’m sure OP friends would be the type to judge him for staying at home as well lol 

Post # 25
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee

you dont need comebacks, you need better friends. you will be a great role model for your children, after all they will all have to work one day and learn to balance careers/family. 

Post # 26
Member
1504 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

People who judge others’ choices usually do it because they’re insecure about their own choices.

The most important thing for children, besides the necessities to sustain life, is POSITIVE parental engagement and role-modeling (which is a form of parental engagement). So it’s not about whether you stay home or work a traditional job.  It’s about, you can’t model being a confident and happy adult for your children if you’re unhappy. 

Do what us southerners do. Raise your eyebrows and drop your most saccharine “oh BLESS your heart!” on the rude asses. 

Post # 27
Member
4691 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Don’t mind them. If all goes well, I will be returning to work 6-8 weeks after having my baby. I have a small business and rely on my clientele for my living. If I took a year off I’d come back and have to start all over again, which I wouldn’t want to do. I’ll only be doing part time so it shouldn’t be so bad. So what you have to do and ignore the stupid comments. And congrats on your pregnancy!

Post # 28
Member
542 posts
Busy bee

I’m so sorry that this is happening to you. Those comments were awful. 

Mommy wars are so pointless. I know that mothers like to judge each other for working or staying at home and I don’t understand it. I feel that mothers do whatever is best for their families. There is nothing to be gained from making snide remarks about lifestyle choices. Those bitches are not your friends and maybe it would be helpful to find friends who are more open minded. 

On the other hand, I have seen far more shaming of SAHMs/SAHWs. Women who stay at home, whether they have children or not, are viewed as dependent idiots who are “just” moms or housewives. Feminism is often cited as a reason for the vicious negativity. I’m wondering if those SAHMs are feeling insecure because they are judged by many and so they are unfairly attacking you to feel better about themselves. 

 

 

Post # 29
Member
542 posts
Busy bee

megm1099 :  

I see that where I am as well….even though SAHMs are very common in my area. 

 

Post # 30
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

You don’t need to justify anything to anyone. My husband makes plenty of money and we could “afford” for me to stay at home. I choose to work anyway. I would be a terrible stay at home mom – I hate cleaning, cooking and everything that goes along with the job. I’m a much better mom to my son when I don’t spend all day dealing with dirty diapers. I truly appreciate and can be fully engaged with him each morning and night. The only way I would want to be a stay at home mom is if I also had a full time nanny. 

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