Working mom shaming

posted 10 months ago in Parenting
Post # 31
Member
6538 posts
Bee Keeper

It sounds as if they are working very hard to justify their own choices. You do not need to do the same–you are secure in your choice for many good reasons.

I let a friend go over this exact judgment. People who cannot respect the choices that you make for yourself and your family are not great friends. You know what is right for you, your husband and your child. 

Post # 32
Member
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Your “friends” are mean.  I am a Stay-At-Home Mom (actually, I am the only one out of my friends.  All of my friends are either working moms or not moms.)  Some moms get to choose whether they want to work or stay at home, and others have to do one or the other option because it is the only method that will work for their family.  Either way, who cares!  As long as she is a loving mom who makes sure her kids are cared for, it should not be a thing.

Sometimes I wish more of my friends stayed at home, because I would have more people to spend time with during the day.  But I would never ever shame them, and I would be very sad if they tried to shame me.  My mom was a Stay-At-Home Mom for most of my childhood.  She complained about always getting shamed for not working and supposedly not setting a proper example for us kids.  She is always astonished that I have not yet received any criticism for staying at home.  I don’t know if my working mom friends get any criticism for working, but they certainly wouldn’t get it from me. I wonder if things have flipped since my mom was parenting, or if everyone just runs the risk of getting shamed no matter what they do. I used to be a teacher and I have met too many abusive parents, or neglectful parents, or drug addicted parents, to think that a decision to work or stay at home is something that we should waste our time judging.  Do what works best for your family.

Post # 33
Member
1867 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Tbh stay at home mum’s get shamed too .

Post # 34
Member
2092 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Get different friends??? I work with plenty of women who are raising children. They are successful on their careers—and they raise their kids. 

Post # 35
Member
1384 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Yikes! I’m sorry your friends are so judgmental. Being a Stay-At-Home Mom is not a choice for every woman…it’s NOT a choice for most.  Everyone is entitled to make their own decisions on what works for them and their family. I can’t believe how your friends throw such assumptions about your husband. Do they even know him?

No one expected me to stop working after I had my son. I didn’t get an advanced degree expecting to throw it down the drain to stay home. I expected to use it to give my son a better life. I get to drop him off at school most mornings and spend 3 full days a week with him (I am lucky to work 4x10hr days). He is very well taken care of by my overly doting inlaws and it sounds like your child will be just as lucky! I love that he has such a great relationship with his grand parents and I am constantly amazed at how much he knows at only 3 yrs of age. He’s been at “gramma’s school” since he was 3 months old. Did you know Saturn’s largest moon is named Titan? I didn’t but thats what he told me the other day. It is my opinion that a balanced life is a good one for everybody. I’d go crazy as a Stay-At-Home Mom. I give major credit to those who can do it. 

So yes, I agree there is no real need for a comeback to these friends. I just wouldn’t …come back. Friends don’t gang up on you and make you feel “less than”, at least not ones worth your time. Good luck dear bee. You are definitely not alone being a working mom. You will be the best mom you can for your little bee.

Post # 36
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

You need new friends, not these entitled leeches.

Post # 37
Member
7667 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Definitely find better friends. Literally every single choice you will make as a mom will be judged by someone and bitchy people aren’t worth your time. Work vs sahm, breast vs formula, cloth vs disposable diapers, helicopter vs Montessori, etc etc. Figure out what works for your family and own it. Moms that act like daycare is the devil either have no idea what they are talking about or have only really shitty options near them. My daughter loves her daycare and learns a ton there!

Post # 38
Member
2017 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m pregnant and planning 100% to go back to work. If someone said those things to me, that would be the end of my friendship with them. You can’t argue with people who just want to be mean and nasty so I wouldn’t waste time coming up with a comeback. If you’re feeling self concious, there are plenty of studies about positives for children with working moms you can read. 

Post # 39
Member
5964 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Please don’t throw comebacks at these ladies. They sound awful, but you need to be the bigger person. Dismissing them from your attention/life should be sufficient.

You’re going to deal with a lifetime of mom shaming. Being a working mom is only one thing you will encounter. You’ll be shamed for how you give birth, how you feed your baby, how/where your baby sleeps, what gifts you give them, how your discipline them, etc etc. These women probably get shamed for being SAHMs as well, or at least they’re insecure if they feel like they need to justify their choices by putting you down. Just walk away…. And find a group of non-judgmental ladies… May I suggest your WB birth month group. My April 2018 group is amazing and the most supportive group of moms I’ve had a pleasure of talking to.

Post # 40
Member
11972 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

kll3 :  You may not have meant to say SAHMs can’t also raise strong, independent, ambitious children, but by using it as a comeback you are suggesting it’s a less probable outcome. If working moms are more likely to impart these qualities, then it goes without saying that one thinks SAHMs are less likely. You can’t have it both ways. 

OP would be no better than her so called friends if she tried to put them in their places in this way. 

Post # 41
Member
13582 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your “friends” are douchebags.  Honestly, if someone said stuff like that to me, I’d be dropping them like hot potatoes.  You don’t need a comeback.  You don’t need to justify your choices or defend your lifestyle to anyone else. 

You and your husband decide on what’s best for your family.  Full stop.  Don’t listen to the peanut gallery and their unhelpful and bitter comments.

Post # 42
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Unfortunately people get shamed for different choices they make. I strongly believe that every choice has pros and cons and most of us try to do what’s best for our kids given our own situations (be it financial or mentally or physically what we are capable of).  The people who shame are trying to justify their own choices – look I am doing the best thing, do what I do! I am making these sacrifices so you should too! I don’t want want to be doing this hard thing for no reason!

I honestly wouldn’t be friends or associate with those who pass judgment on my choices. I would be proud of being a working mom who is trying to do the best for my child. Own it bee!

Post # 43
Member
3924 posts
Honey bee

Have you informed these people that it’s 2018, not 1952?

Post # 44
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Why are these women even your friends?

Find new friends. Problem solved. 

Post # 45
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Personally I would go for a simple “shut the f**k up” but I’ve been told I’m quite blunt. 

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