Wow! I did not expect to get so many great long responses! It definitely helped me to clear my mind and put things into perspective. Thank you bees for taking the time to share your opinions.
I was very bitter when I posted this. My feelings were hurt and I didn’t explain the full context very well… So I’d like to clarify a few things now.
Most of my friends and all of my family and in-laws are fully on board on all decisions I’m making and are 100% supportive. The women that said those awful things are two individuals that I have known since my college years (7+ years ago), we used to be great friends, but over time we drifted apart and we both have changed a lot since those days… Most of you are right, now that I’m pregnant I’m starting to learn a lot of people’s true colors… and it’s time to put myself first and not stress out over others opinions unnecessarily. Maybe it’s time we go our separate ways. I will have a family soon, I don’t need more stress and negative energy in my life.
Anyway, in the last several years, these two women became very opinionated, blunt and judgmental. One of them lives in Japan, and the other one immigrated from Russia. I’m sure this has nothing to do with their rudeness (not trying to say all Russian and Japanese women are like this), but cultural norms do play a role in what people think is socially acceptable to say to others and what they think ideal family life looks like. They are both very old-fashioned and traditional-gender-role oriented people, which is totally fine if that’s what they want to do and I support their personal decisions. One of you bees has mentioned that it really isn’t my place to judge them either for choosing to marry partners who can support them, and you’re 100% right. I was very angry when I wrote my original post, so I said some things I probably shouldn’t have, but the difference between us is that I DON’T tell them how to live their life, and I don’t dictate to them what is better for their kids. I don’t tell them that they are gold diggers, or lazy or need to contribute more to society. In fact, when the Japanese woman told me she was depressed after her first child because she felt “useless” for staying home all the time, I told her that raising her son is one of the biggest and greatest contributions to society and she should be so proud of herself. This is why I’m hurt. I am so supportive of mother’s choices, but they can’t do the same for me. So yes, I think it’s time to reconsider those two friendships and surround myself with more positive inner circle from now on. I shouldn’t waste my time worrying about what I should say to them next time we speak.
Just today, one of my childhood friends found out I’m expecting, and she wrote me to congratulate me so we talked for a bit on messenger… then we talked about morning sickness, and then she asks me “are you working? OMG really? I stopped working when I was 6 weeks pregnant, I just had to prioritize my body and my baby, so don’t feel pressure from society to keep working while you’re having morning sickness, I think you should take time off” etc etc….. So my response was “I appreciate your concern, but I hope you can trust that I will make the best decision for me and my baby.” And left it at that… she really didn’t have much else to say. Lesson learned, now that’s I’m pregnant, it opens up a whole new can of worms, now everyone thinks they are expert at parenthood and have the right to tell me what to do and judge my every move. It’s only going to get worse after I have the baby.