(Closed) Working Moms – Can you have it all??

posted 4 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
3718 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

ExcitedScaredBee:  I’m not a mom, but work with a lot of them.  From what I’ve seen, it isn’t possible to have a two “climbing the corporate ladder” positions and a child.  One partner needs to be more flexible or you need outside help from a nanny. 


My coworker who came the closest made it work  by picking up her kids every day and then working after bedtime.  I’d get emails from her from 8pm to midnight every night,  but she’d be out the door by 430 three days a week and work from home the other .  Is that an option for you?

Post # 4
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

If I may offer up a thought- You are thinking about this the wrong way. Downsizing at work is not taking a “step back”. Rather, it’s shifting sideways. It’s reorganizing priorities and giving yourself permission to find a work environment that promotes work/life balance. If anything, finding a place and position that promote work/life balance is a step forward from what you have now. Reframe the discussion in your head and you will quickly start to see how a new position somewhere smaller and more flexible is a win instead of a loss.

I’ve turned down “promotions” because they are just not a good fit for me, and I don’t consider those choices to hold me back in any way. Turning down those “promotions” allows me to better develop a specific skill set that matters to me, personally and professionally. It also allows me to be in a position where I can work from home much more and have more schedule flexibility to meet DS’s scheduling needs. I’m winning in achieving what matters to me by not taking a “promotion.” Indeed, a “promotion”, for me, would be a step in the wrong direction when it comes to how I want to live my life. That doesn’t mean I don’t love my career (I really do!) and that I don’t give 110% (I am really freaking good at my job). It just means that balance = winning for me. That is my measure of success.

Post # 5
1055 posts
Bumble bee

ExcitedScaredBee:  To me it sounds like you already have it all in the sense that you have the promotion and you still get to go home and spend time with your son. So what if you’re not avoiding your family by joining the “old boys clubs”. You’re doing your job, and because you’re not sitting around yacking, you’re getting done early in order to get home to your family. Nothing wrong with that. And they can’t fire or demote you because you’re not staying late if your work is already done, or taking your sick time to be with your sick kid. There are laws against that. Ignore the side eyes. How you spend your time outside of work is no ones business.

Post # 6
5957 posts
Bee Keeper

ExcitedScaredBee:  As a working mom myself, I chose my child over my career.  However I didn’t make a big career for myself before I had her, so it wasn’t hard for me to stay in a position that makes us money, (allows us to save), but doesn’t exactly mean we’re rolling in the riches, but that’s okay.  It works for us, and isn’t permanent.  I love my daughter.  She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me, she and my husband are pretty even on who makes me happiest.  I don’t ever regret putting her first, but I can understand what it means to be a working mom because I do lose time with her whenever I’m at work because my husband watches her the majority of the time.  I work a full 40 hour week and he works a 30 hour week or less, but we can’t afford for me to work any less.

I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong by wanting to keep your career and raise raise a child, but you also chose to have this child, so you’ll need to decide what’s most important to you.  My mom was in the same position as you.  She was a career woman and everything was about her career, she was on the fast track.  Then she had me, and tried to continue the fast track while having me, she ultimately gave up her career and moved into a career she wanted but it was less of a demanding job.  She’s a professor and wanted the tenure track, but she gave up that tenure track for me.  But it was a hard decision.  She wanted the tenure track but she wanted to be a mom too.

I’m not saying you’re my mom or that you’re not a good mother by wanting your career, but you’ll need to decide what’s best for you and your family.

Post # 8
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

ExcitedScaredBee:  You know it sounds like this new position is not a good fit for you, regardless of having a child. Even if you weren’t a mom would you really want to be spending all your free time after hours at the office and out if town? Becoming a “tired old workhorse” is not what life is about! 

It sound like being able to enjoy what you do is important to you, so I’d suggest you take some time to figure out what you want for yourself in this time of your life and keep your eyes open for another opportunity. 

Post # 9
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Your question is one I can relate to, even though I have no kids – I LOVE my career, and really do throw myself into it.  I am thinking a lot these days about how things would work if I did have kids and wasn’t able to be “in the seat” as much, even if I was still getting the work done.  

I hope that you are able to find a good path that allows you to have the balance and daily fulfillment that makes life enjoyable! 

Post # 10
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Do you and your partner rotate who does drop off and pick up?  If not, that might really help.  When both parents equally work, they also need to equally parent.  

Post # 11
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

ExcitedScaredBee:  my friend goes thru this. She’s up at 6, gone by 7. She gets to kiss her babies as she’s walking out the door. She gets home at 630, just in time for dinner, bath and bed. For a while she was allowed to work from home 2 days a week, but told her if she couldn’t come in everyday, they’d find someone who could. I feel bad for her. She was even promised a promotion, and they took it away. It got so bad at one point, that our DCP (her Mother-In-Law, our family friend) was giving the girls baths just so she could get extra cuddle/quality time at night. 

Its sad, but I think for mommies, we have to make a choice between kids and career, especially when they’re little. I would just keep trucking on and let the chips fall where they may.

Post # 12
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t know many working moms who keep it all togther very well, so I’m not going to weigh in on that as I know many seem able to handle it.  However, your question reminded me of a talk that the Pepsi Co CEO gave about that very same question.  Forbes did an article on it, and you might look up her actual speech.  Sometimes hearing what you’re already thinking or wondering about coming from an authoritative source can clear things up or at least provide some validation for whichever way you choose to go.  I definitely agree with PP however; it is not a step back to adjust, cut back, or quit the job.  It is a move sideways into something just as good, but different.  Your concerns are all quite valid.


Post # 13
7437 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I don’t really think it’s possible in the US. Motherhood is not valued here, sadly enough.

Post # 14
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

ExcitedScaredBee:  I am a working mom. My daughter is about to turn 5. I had her my junior year at the university and never took a real break. I have always worked or studied, and it sometimes can be rough.

Luckily for my my jobs are generally 8-5pm, but because of not making enough money I have had to pick up another job (I have been trying to get her father on child support for the past 2 years and it is still in the process…). My second job is tutoring, which isnt bad, but it does add extra time to my schedule. Most days I do not get home until between 8-9pm at least 3 days a week. And I also was taking a class once a week, in which I was not getting home til at least 9:30.

It sucks, but I know I am doing this to be able to one day get to a point where I am financially stable enough to not need to work these two jobs. So I feel like in the end, my sacrifice is necessary. I am able to use the money from my second job when I cannot make ends meet completely.

In my case, my savings grace is that my daughter is not in school yet. She is only in VPK, and I have my Fiance who can sometimes watch her when I am coming home late, and if not him, I have a best friend or a babysitter that has watched my daughter since she was two. If I did not have the support I do, it would be harder. I just make sure that when I do get home earlier I spend as much time as I can with her, and make sure never to work on the weekends.

I think we all have to go through sacrifices. You really have to sit back and look at the pros and the cons of everything. There is no right or wrong answer to this because each of us is different.

My current job is non benefitted, I love the job but I am tired of being broke when the university I work for is closed and when i have to take off work to take my daughter to the doctors, I lose that pay. I am tired of waiting for them to make a decision about whether to convert the position or not to benefitted (I already work full time hours).

So I think I may make the drastic decision of just quitting the job altogether to go back to school for my masters. The way it is now, for the job that I do, if I wanted to do the same job elsewhere, it would be best to have a masters and I was offered a graduate assitant position for when I start school. But if I go back to school, I will be studying full time and working 20 hours a week part time to have my classes paid for… see, it is all about decisions and deciding what I am willing to lose. If my position is converted soon, I will not qualify for it unless I am enrolled in a master’s program or have a master’s degree, but I would be able to study part time for free if I am employed with the benefits of this university… but working full time, and studying part time will also be a sacrifice… so it is always a lot to think about. 

Or I could just find a different job with my bachelor’s degree, maybe get paid a little more, and it only be a 8-5pm job and not go back to school. But then it may not be what I want to work in and I may not be happy. And the way I see it, when I am not fulfilled at work, it can also affect my happiness in other areas. And I cannot see myself working in another field then the one that I am in, so I think I need to back to school one way or another.

I think my daughter is doing well in this situation. She understands that mommy has to work, and sometimes she gets a little upset but she loves my fiance, babysitter, and friend who watch her when I cannot and she enjoys the time we spend together on the weekends and friday evenings.

If I were you, just evaluate everything and look at the long term implecations of your decisions. and even continue to seek elsewhere if you need to.

Post # 15
2879 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

ExcitedScaredBee: you can have it all, but you can’t do it all. I’m not a mom yet, but every mom I’ve worked with had a nanny or a nanny share if not a sahs. 

Even my auntie who was a social worker had a nanny. She’d be home by 6:30 for dinner that’s already made and bedtime. 

Possible to get a nanny to pick up your daughter and get dinner on the table, so you can stay a bit later?

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