Post # 1
So any mommas who have gone back to work…please tell me how bad it is going back. I’ve been out for 8 weeks now, and still have 4 more left. I go back oct 17, and our nanny (who we LOVE and is a family friend) starts the week prior. But I am having this incredible anxiety and guilt. All I can imagine is that Liv is fussing or crying and confused as to why there is some stranger (to her) there and not mommy or daddy. And it’s KILLING me. I think the reason for the guilt is partially anxiety, but also the fact that I COULD stay home. But I chose to go back because I LOVE my career, and I know if I didn’t I’d regret it and say “I should have tried.” this way if I go back and then choose to stay home after that, I gave it a try. But anyways, I just cant shake this awful feeling of dread and anxiety and guilt, which is the worst. I guess I don’t really know if I’m looking for answers or support but… I don’t know. This morning made it worse bc Liv was all fussy and all she wanted was to cuddle. As soon as I picked her up and she muzzled into my neck and smiled, I lost it
Post # 3
I haven’t even given birth yet, but just want to say I totally know what you’re going through. It’s a little easier for me because there is no choice- we need my income- but even if I had a choice, I want to work. I don’t love my job, but I like it, I’m super invested in it, and if I step out of the game now, I don’t know that I’ll ever get back in. Still, I do feel awful that I am having a baby that I won’t be seeing for at least 50 hours a week come Dec.
My mom and I were just talking about that a few weeks ago. She was super career woman who put me back in daycare at 6 weeks old and worked full time and went to school until I was 8, after which she landed a high level job that required being away from home at least 12 hours a day. I can’t say I loved being in daycare, but I never held a grudge against her for it, and we were still close most of my life (save for the angsty preteen/early teen years). It doesn’t have to be one or the other, in my opinion. You can have a great career and still be a great mom.
Post # 4
Oh, honey, I’m sorry you’re already having these feelings. Going back to work is really hard, and I think all of us can relate to those feelings of anxiety, fear, doubt, guilt, etc… Honestly, leaving Addie to go back to work was one of the most difficult emotional time periods I have ever gone through. I felt incredibly guilty, and even though we had a nanny, I felt like no one could care for Addie like I did. I worried that the nanny would lose her patience with Addie when she was fussy and just leave her to cry (even though she never did that). I thought about her all day, every day, and cried every day for probably the first month I was back.
But it does get easier. I don’t think you ever stop missing your children, but you get used to it. You learn to adjust. And the fact is that as Liv gets older, and she starts missing you during the day, she will get so excited and happy to see you when you come home from work. Seeing that smile and that excitement at the end of the day will make your whole day worth it. Also, babies do have the ability to bond with multiple caregivers, but no matter what, mommy always holds a special place in their hearts. I’ve seen it with kids who go to daycare, kids who are taken care of by family members, kids who have private nannies, etc… There’s something about the bond between mommy and baby that just can’t compare to anything else, and Liv will always love you and want you more than anyone else.
As best you can, ignore these feelings for now. Try to enjoy the rest of your time with your baby. You’ll have plenty of time to feel guilty and upset when you go back to work, but right now you should just be enjoying little Liv without the negative feelings clouding up such happy little moments.
Post # 5
I agree with everything pp’s have said (I feel like I pretty much always want to second everything Mrs. Spring says about childcare!), and just want to add that, while I wish I spent fewer hours per day away from my son, the fact that I don’t spend all day with him makes me a better mother. I’m sure this isn’t the case for everyone, but for me, I find that being away from him while I’m at work makes me so excited to hang out with him when I can that I feel like we really make the most of our time together. I don’t get frustrated with him, and it doesn’t faze me when he’s fussy because I don’t have to deal with it without a break. And when we’re together we just focus on having fun and cuddling and playing.
Post # 6
Intially after I had my son I didn’t want to go back to work at all. I couldn’t imagine leaving him. As time got closer to me going back I started to look forward to getting back to work and starting my career. When I went back it was so hard and I struggle every day with whether or not I am putting my patients before my son when I walk out the door to work. It has been a huge balancing act that I haven’t yet mastered. My hope though is that when my son grows up he won’t look back and think that I was never there for him, but instead will be proud that his mom followed her passions and had a career that she was passionate about. I do agree with the other posters that the days I have off that I get to spend with my son are that much sweeter. Like you said, if you don’t go back you will always wonder “what if?” But if you go back and you aren’t happy and you have the option to quit, then at least you will know you tried.
Post # 7
KellyV, I’ll be in those shoes soon enough! 🙁 I can only imagine how hard it is/is going to be but if you love your career, you really can have it all and little Liv is going to look up to her hard-working mommy. Hopefully your work is understanding and if you need to take off here and there, for your own sake, it won’t be a problem. And like you mentioned, if you just can’t do it, don’t feel bad about it, you can say you tried. Good luck! <3
Post # 8
Can you maybe go back only 4 days a week to start? That might help to transition you while your baby is still young. I’m not a mom, but my sister has 3 kids and never had an issue going back to work, in fact I think she was always looking forward to it!
Post # 9
thank you SO much everyone. Im so glad Im not the only one having such issues wtih this. It always just seemed like moms didnt have that much of an issue returning to work. I KNOW it will be good for me mentally, but the thought of it is just eating away at me. Thing is, like @moderndaisy: suggested, I will be working 4 day weeks every other week. Our nanny is on a mon-thurs schedule, so Darling Husband and I are alternating Fridays off. I just dont want it to turn into someone else raising my child. I know its ridiculous and a majority of people do this…Im just having a hard time with it. Thanks for the support, I appreciate it!
Post # 10
I still have those feelings and my babies are 2 and 4! It is still hard to go to work every day but it helps that they are excited when I go pick them up from the babysitter. I bawled like a baby when I went to work after my maternity leave with my oldest. It was a little easier with my youngest because I’d done it before and she wasn’t near as cuddly as my oldest 🙂 It does get easier but I can’t say it goes away. Good luck!
Post # 11
@KellyV: I do actually think a lot of women have issues with it, but are more private with their emotions. I never told anyone except my husband (and, obviously WB) how hard it was for me. I put on a happy face at work, and I think most of my co-workers assumed I was adjusting just fine.
Just remember that you are still a parent, even if you have a nanny. You are the one making the decisions in how your child is cared for, and at the end of the day, you are still going to be the single biggest influence in your child’s life. When Liv is old enough to go to school, you won’t think her teacher is taking over raising her, right? It’s the same thing with your nanny. She’s helping Liv learn, helping with her development, but comes nowhere close to replacing you. You are irreplacable in Liv’s heart.
Post # 12
It was so hard! I didn’t cry but I felt absolutely miserable for the first two days. My coworkers were very sweet in the transition. I also coped by talking to a few close coworkers about my feelings and the decision to go home. I did not talk to my sAHM friends for awhile. After a week it dwindled when I saw how baby had adjusted happily to staying with Darling Husband (sitter 1X a week-not so much) and I was so cuddly, energized with my daughter. I realized I contributed a lot at work and I am much happier. Of course, I’d still choose to stay at home if money was not a condition. Sounds awful but in order to provide a stable life (not change houses, add a tenant or create anxiety in my husband) I am opting to work. A month into it, I thought, wow, if I could just bring my baby to work with me, life would be grand.
Hope this helps…and you always have vacations to look forward to! You will have lots of cuddling moments that will be priceless in the future, I promise.