Post # 1
Darling Husband will most likely be offered a job in the next day or two. We’d have to relocate for the job (which we’re willing to do) and the pay is 25% more than he’s making now. The only catch is it is a night shift. He’d work 10-8:30 4 days a week.
He has worked nights before but that was before I met him. Any thoughts/opionions/tips for those who either work nights or whose significant other works nights?
Post # 3
Working nights is a completely different ballgame. His sleep schedule is going to be all messed up, and you’ll see him less. On the other hand, it’s more money.
Is there the possibility of working the night shift for a while and then switching to day shift, or a 2nd shift type shift? My field has a lot of 24 hour positions and they usually get people to agree to 3rd shift by saying they can move up to 1st or 2nd in 6 months or so.
Post # 4
Working nights is tough. It actually depresses me now. I’ve been doing it for almost a year now and I’m really hoping to find a day job. I currently work 7p-7a three nights a week – sometimes it’ll be three times in a row (which will happen this weekend). I will be a zombie to the world and basically work, sleep, work. It stinks. But that’s me. There are people who absolutely love it and wouldn’t change it for the world.
I will say that I’ve noticed that men and women handle it differently though. How does he feel about it?
ETA: I miss Fiance tons because he’ll work during the day and then I’ll have to leave for work by 6:30ish. He misses me too because he wishes I could sleep next to him in bed. We’re on two different schedules.
Post # 5
my Fiance has woked nights for the last 16 months and since i work in the day when he is asleep its not a big deal. he gets up around 3 and we still get some family time and get to have dinner together. but sleeping alone is hard to get used to….
Post # 6
My job requires that I work 2 semi-overnight shifts a month locally (until 2 am). Part of my job is travel and I tend to work it there too, but Im already away from home so its rather irrelevent.
It really does mess with your body and mind. Its a huge adjustment. Its very important that you’re patient as he transitions. It will affect you too, but its good to allow him to get into his own groove and then you’ll settle into a routine together. You may also appreciate him more and him you. Don’t get mad if hes always exhausted or cant do certain things/plans in the beginning. You will learn how to function as time goes on. The good news is that he’ll be off 3 days and make more money. Once all is balanced, everything will be fine.
Post # 7
He was kind of afraid to ask about switching to days in the interview. But if he’s offered the job I’m going to have him bring it up. Have him say that while he doesn’t mind working them if a day shift were to open up in the future he’d love it.
He seems to want the job, but I’m not 100% sure if it is because he wants it or because he just hates his current job so much. We’re going to have to really sit down and discuss it. But since he’s going to have to be the one working, I’m going to leave the ultimate decision up to him.
We do really want to move. And since I don’t have a job in the new location at the moment the extra money he’d earn would be nice. But that’s not going to direct our decision.
Post # 8
There’s some big advantages to working nights. I used to work nights and sometimes I actually miss it. You miss most of the traffic on your commute, and you get the daytime part of the day to go about your business, once you get adjusted to your new sleep schedule, so doing everyday errands like grocery shopping and banking takes a lot less time. If you go to the gym, you’ll have the whole place to yourself. If there are children in the home, or if there will be in the future, your childcare costs go way down. Lots of hidden benefits, even better if it’s on a 4×10 work week instead of a 5×8, because you’re getting a whole extra day off.
It’s not all roses though; it takes a long time to really get adjusted to the sleep schedule, and it’s much harder for the night-worker to keep a social schedule with friends/family who work a more traditional schedule; everyone is ready to go out for dinner or drinks right about when you’re getting ready for work. It gets a bit lonely sometimes— less socialization at work, no real chance to go out for happy hour after work because it’s 8 in the morning, and no one around in the daytime to “play” with. It’s also really easy to fall into bad habits just because you’re bored and don’t have a lot of options; sleep all day instead of sleeping 8 hours then doing stuff.
I’d recommend your SO keep a constant list of what he would like to do or accomplish during his time off— what would normally be “evening” for those on a normal schedule. Everything from household chores to the “honey do” list to seeing a movie or hitting a museum. It’s really important to build some structure into your day, right from the start, to avoid boredom and not waste your time sitting on the sofa watching Maury every day. Look at all your usual errands and plan to have him take care as much as he can during the day, so that your free time together becomes more “quality” time; since you’ll be seeing less of each other, don’t waste that time standing in line at the grocery or getting the oil changed in the car.
Post # 9
@fishbone: Actually, knowing Darling Husband I honestly can’t see him fall into those bad habits. In our relationship, he’s the doer. And he’s definitely not someone to oversleep. At the moment he is usually up and out of bed by 6:30 even though he doesn’t go in until 9:30.
Post # 10
@SuperKate: I’ve worked nights for 11 years now and I love it! I make MUCH more working nights and it is less stressful at my job at night(less work, more pay…who wouldn’t want that?). I usually have no issue flipping from days to nights to days. On my days off I actually enjoy keeping a day schedule. I don’t mind getting up really early on my days off cause it gives me the whole day to enjoy. I work 3 12s a week, which leaves me 4 days off every week! When I want to go on vacations I can just schedule myself to where I have 8 days off in a row and not have to take a single second of vacation time to do so. I can go shopping during the day when there are no crowds, go to gym when it isn’t crazy. Don’t have to take off work or leave early for doctor’s appts, hair appts, etc, etc.
My Fiance works 6 am til 2:30 pm M-F(we live together). He went to bed hours ago and I’m up cause I need to get back on a night schedule for my next 3 nights of work. But it works out great for us really. Mainly cause we both really enjoy our “me” time, we both are kinda loners in the sense that we enjoy time alone. Because we don’t work the same schedule we both get that “me” time we enjoy. I get mine during the day on my days off or late at night while he is asleep. He gets his the nights I’m working or weekends when I’m working. And when we do have time off together, I feel like we appreciate his other even more and enjoy the time we are together more.
It can be a hassle when it comes to get togethers, doing stuff on the weekends but that would be an issue even if I worked days just cause I’m a nurse and its a 24/7 business working at a hospital. But for the few downsides to it there are much more upsides to it imo.
It will take him some time to adjust to it. And some people are just NOT meant to work nights. But be supportive of him right now and try to be understanding when he needs to sleep all day. Make sure you have dark shades in your bedroom as well so he can sleep better in the daytime. If you are off on any morning he comes home from work, offer to take him to breakfast afterwards. Can be a way for you two to spend quality time together.
Post # 11
I just started working nights two months ago. I work 3 nights a week and every other week I work a 4th night. I work from 9:30pm-8am. I am also a full time student. Honestly, I don’t mind it at all. It obviously isn’t the ideal situation, I would like to switch to days sometime after I finish my degree. My SO works full time during the days Sun-Thurs. We are lucky because my schedule is Sun-Tues and every other Wed. So we do have days off together. It can be hard at times, my biggest problem is not being able to sleep with SO on the nights I work. But during the day when I am sleeping or at school he is at work so it’s not like I would be with him anyways. I usually wake up right when he gets home at 6:30pm and spend a few hours with him before I head to work. We also make sure to take advantage of our days off together. Go on dates as much as we can. We have definately become closer because of it.
I will admit for the first month or so it was a difficult time adjusting. I felt really lonely and isolated. But I’ve gotten a sleep schedule down and it has become much easier. I also flip back to a day schedule on my days off and it isn’t too difficult. I’m sure it will take some adjusting on both of your parts but it is possible. Best of luck to you. 🙂
Post # 12
@fishbone: When I first started nights I fell into this habit. I got off at 8am, got home by 8:30am and slept until 7pm. Ate dinner and went to work. It does take some getting used to to figure out what works best for you in terms of sleeping schedules and whatnot but it is just something that gets figured out over time.
Post # 13
Ugh it sucks majorly! He worked days on contract which was great, we saw each other almost everyday, atleast 5 days a week and the odd times i don’t get to see each other for 2 days (i know it’s short) it felt like i didn’t see him for such a long time.
Now, he got hired for full timeMy SO works fri,sat,sun,mon from 7:30PM-5:30AM BUT he has to leave the house at 5:30 because of traffic but get home at around 6-6:30 to sleep. He sleeps in til about 1-2pm and is usually too tired to do anything but eat/watch tv/poop/go to work.
My current schedule is that I have class mon-thursday (summer school so i graduate next year woohoo) On tuesdays i don’t get to see him til after 8 so usually he spends that day with a buddy. On wednesdays i don’t get off til 6,we’ll have dinner, watch a show or two then i head home (oh we don’t live together yet) I have to wake up at 7am for class on thusdays so tuesdays and wednesdays i rarely spend time, thursday nights is like the only day we get to spend time together. I also work every other weekend evening so i’ll drop by for an hour or two before i head to work.
I wouldn’t mind it so much if we were long distance so it’s justified not being able to see each other but we live 5MINS AWAY FROM EACH OTHER! As much as i want to deprive him of sleep, I love him more 🙁
Post # 14
Fiance has worked nights (7pm-7am) for almost 3 years. Although he prefers day shift, when he started he worked day shift for training purposes, those with seniority get the day shift. I say this because it may not be as easy as you might think for your Fiance to request day hours.
As far as our relationship, we’ve made it work. We’re recently engaged (January), so for the first couple of years we were living in separate cities (about an hr away) because I was in grad school. Now that we’re living together it is an adjustment as far as sleep schedules. I have to be to work by 8am, so usually I’m in bed by 11pm, while he can easily stay up all night since his body has adjusted to being up at those hours. Also, I miss having him in bed with me, but I do take advantage of strething out on the nights he has to work :-). Usually when I’m leaving for work he’s coming home and vice versa, but some mornings I will cook breakfast so that it’s ready when he gets home and we can have a meal together before I leave. He does the same often, but for dinner. I think that we’re both so adjusted that we just make it work and remember to do the little things for each other since we’re on two different schedules.
I will say this though, your sleep schedule will change as well. Some nights when he’s off we have date nights (which can be a weekday) where we make dinner, watch movies, etc. Sometimes I hate that I have to go to be so early and will stay up to spend more time with him. Let’s just say I’m not happy camper the next morning, but it’s so worth it. Also, expect him to think that because he’s up you’re up. Because my FI’s days are nights he texts me usually during his down time (my sleep time…lol). This is the exact reason why I’m up now. Sorry for the rambling. Hope this helps.
Post # 15
We work nights 7 days a week… Well, early mornings 2 am to 7 am depends on how dirty the place we have to clean! We clean a restaurant and a theatre. Have no choice but to be done at night and of course if they’re open 7 days a week… we clean it 7 days a week!
So when do we sleep? Between 4 pm-2 am when 90% of the world has supper!
Post # 16
Just my experience with one person in the relationship working night shifts:
My SO’s parents: His mom works day (normal) hours, his dad’s shifts are sometimes day shifts, sometimes night shifts. When one person is working day, and the other is working night, I think its possible that it can be a little stressful on the realstionship. When one person wants to do something and the other needs to sleep… I think it would be a bit hard to co-ordinate ‘date’ type outings.
Personally I would never want me or my SO to work a night shift… I would miss snuggling him at night too much…