Post # 1
My fiance just started a new position this week. It’s a great opportunity for him and he seems to enjoy the work. The only thing we don’t like is the schedule. This won’t be his forever schedule but it will be his schedule for at least a couple months. I work M-F 7am-5pm, with every other Friday off. He is working M-F 3:30pm – midnight.
We are thankful to both have weekends off (finally!), but during the week we really wont be seeing each other much. We do live together. I’m usually in bed by 9 and asleep by 10. His old position was more of a 9-5, so we had a pretty good routine going during the week. This new schedule is going to be an adjustment for us. I really missed him this past week and having dinner together, just relaxing etc.
During his lunch break he usually calls me but the service is spotty and a lot of the time we can’t hear each other well, so we hangup to avoid getting frustrated. We both hate having to repeat ourselves over and over again, so we usually just end up texting during his break. I know I’m being a little dramatic and it is only the first week but I just miss him lol. Any other bees working the opposite schedule as your SO?
Post # 2
We have sort of opposite schedules. No days off together.
I work m-f regular office hours
He works Saturday – Thursday (only off friday) until 8pm.
So he gets home around 830, and I’m usually in bed by 1030-11. So we get a few hours together in the evening. I end up taking random fridays off so we can have a day off together. We text a lot throughout the day, and sometimes go for lunch if he has a meeting close by. Id love to have weekends off together!
If I were you, I would just make sure to get your “chores” done during the week. He cleans in the morning, you go grocery shopping after work, etc. Then you can spend your weekends totally relaxed and chilled, or doing whatever fun activity you want. I also end up going out with my friends a lot during the week which is nice. So grab dinner or happy hour with some people you havent seen in a while.
Post # 3
I know how you feel. My husband and I had this schedule for a few years actually but on top of it he travels regularly Mon-Thurs for consulting. I guess I consider myself pretty independent in that I am happy with alone time, doing my own thing sometimes. But of course I miss him! I always cannot wait for when he gets home from traveling or when he isn’t traveling and we can see eachother again. It’s hard when the only time you actually talk face to face is the weekend. I sympathize with you. I am now on a day schedule but he still travels some weeks! I guess we are just super used to it now! It’s weird to say but it’s just our normal. We don’t have kids yet but I assume this will be way harder when they come into the picture, not sure how we’ll deal with that quite yet. lol I’d just encourage you to find your own hobbies, interests! Take up a workout routine, get in some girlfriend time, spend time with your parents/family. Thats honestly what I do!
Post # 4
My sister and her husband had this type of schedule for years. They made sure the weekends were focused on them and their kids. and during the week, her husband made sure to get up in the am with everyone.
It’s only been a week. You’ll figure it out! Hang in there.
Post # 5
We worked opposite schedules for a while. There was a bit of time there where I worked mornings and he worked afternoons to late at night. Now we go into work around the same time but his hours are so long, and he only gets one day off, that it’s like we barely see each other. (And we are very big babies about it.)
Post # 6
Thank you for the replies, ladies. It’s great to know you understand. I love the advice about catching up with friends and getting all the chores done during the week so that we can really enjoy our time together on the weekends. I lived alone for all of my adult life before him (about 10years) and last night I kept thinking “what the heck did I used to do with all my time? haha”. I’m going to plan some girlfriend time next week. I also have a couple online classes that just started so that will keep me busy. I used to journal A LOT and it’s been awhile so I am looking forward to having more time for that. So many things to do! lol This will be an adjustment but once we get settled into our new routine I’m sure it will be fine. It’s good to miss each other 🙂
Post # 7
ohdarling : My Darling Husband does long stretches of night shift. He leaves at 7pm and gets home around 5am. I leave 7.30am and get home between 5:00pm – late depending on what I have on.
When he’s doing night shift, We coordinate for him to make a big breakfast one or two days in the week and I’ll wake up extra early, and we’ll eat together and have a mini catchup. If I have late work nights then he’ll just make me a coffee and I’ll wake up only slightly earlier than normal. Other than that, it’s weekends.
We don’t text or talk during either of our workdays.
Not seeing each other during the week doesn’t bug me nearly as much as the distruption to our routine, cooking dinner, making the bed etc.
Darling Husband is working towards getting a job that is three weeks on, one week off, so if he gets that I won’t see him for 3 weeks at a time. I think that will be a lot harder.
Post # 8
We’ve been on opposite schedules that are pretty much the same as your situation. I would go to bed early whenever I got the chance and he’d gently wake me up when he got home and I’d have enough energy to hang out with him while he had his post-work-wind-down and then go back to bed to get a full 7-8 hours rest. But I’m the type of person that has no problem waking up and going back to sleep in the middle of the night.
Post # 9
I work m-f 8am-5pm. FH works M-Th 4:30pm-3:30am. We spend every weekend together and we also spend every morning 4:30am-6:00am together. It suuuuuuuucks, but it is what it is. It’s been this way our whole relationship.
Post # 10
I travel for work M-Th and he works in a lab where it’s common to stay until 10-11pm every night, including weekends, and I’m often at events on weekend nights, so I feel like I never see him unless we both make a heroic effort to sacrifice something else.
It does get hard when we spend most weeks only seeing each other briefly in the mornings on days when I’m not traveling, but I try to tell myself that this is just a phase; eventually I won’t be traveling so much anymore and eventually he will also be able to work more flexibly.
The truth is that we’re both in that time of life where prioritizing our careers is the most important. We’ve both acknowledged that we won’t be doing this forever, and also that if it becomes a problem, we’ll shift our priorities.
I definitely miss him more than he misses me, mostly because he’s much more independent, and also because he is truly passionate about his field and I’m just working where I am for the exit opportunities. When I really miss him, he’ll come home early, but most of the time it’s enough just to know that he’ll drop his work and be there if I ask for it.
Post # 11
els2016 : It sounds like we’re in similar situations! There’s no way we could continue our current schedule with kids, and if you’d told me five years ago that this would be our routine, I would never have agreed to marry him! But like you said, you get used to it and the reunions after getting back from travel are really nice. 🙂
Post # 12
My husband and I work opposite shifts. He works 4-12:30am and I rotate between 8-4:30pm or 10:30-7pm during the week and one Saturday (9-6)every 5 to 6 weeks. We were very long distance for two years so it doesn’t really bother us and he prefers working nights. We just make sure that the time that we do have together counts. He also tries to call me every night at 8. I honestly don’t mind it though. I’ve gotten back to the gym pretty regularly and I usually will treat myself to dinner out one night after work or go out to happy hour with friends. I also read a lot and I like having that time to myself. I know that my husband likes having the time in the late morning/afternoon to watch his shows uninterrupted and to work on house projects. It will get easier for you once you’re in a routine and have been doing it for a while.
Post # 13
This is a really interesting thread. I’m about to start a placement in a new career path and the work hours will mean I will always have to work Sundays and often Saturdays and evenings. We won’t know until I start but Fiance is really aprehensive as he works M-F 9-5.
Post # 14
- Wedding: December 2018 - City, State
I live in another country so we have a 13 hr difference where I am in the future lol!!!
Definitely a challenge but we communicate well and typically have a small chat at my time 7.30am on weekdays and can schedule something better on weekends
Post # 15
FI’s schedule rotates. For two weeks he works 8am-4pm, and for two weeks he’s 4pm-12am. He works 5 days on, 2 days off, 4 days on, 2 days off, and then the cycle continues. So his days off change each week too. It took me a long time to learn his schedule, haha
I always work a Monday-Friday schedule, roughly 8-5pm. We text a lot during the day and I actually feel like we don’t sweat the small stuff as much as other couples do. I have a feeling it’s because we both make an effort to make the most of our time together.