Post # 1
I’m feeling guilty over my situation.
My Fiance and I are both physical therapists. I work at an acute care hospital. In January, my 5 day a week position was cut down to 4 days a week. The hospital cut all the full time PTs to 4 days, so we all went from a 1.0 FTE, to a 0.8 FTE (those that work in health care know what I mean). In going from 5 days a week to 4 days a week, we were essentially made part time as we work 8.5 hour days.
Just last month, my and another PT’s positions were cut from 4 days a week to 5 days every 2 weeks (so 5 days a pay period). So we are basically sharing one full time position as we work opposite days. My department also cut some employees altogether from part time to PRN status. Needless to say there’s a LOT of hard feelings going around.
I pay a shitload for benefits going from full to part time as part timers are charged more. This could not have come at a worse time since my Fiance and I just bought a house. Fiance says we’ll be fine as we bought way below what we were approved for. Even though he took a new job this summer that had a pay cut, we’ve gone over the finances and we’ll be OK, but I just panic thinking about it.
Since I generally like where I work (except the drama that’s gone on lately) and like my speciality (pediatrics and NICU) he thinks I should stay part time and not look for another job. I admit, I do like working part time. I’ve taken on all the housework because I obviously have the time and I’ve been cooking more. My Fiance works a crazy schedule and he’s really thankful that I’ve taken on the extra household stuff.
I feel guilty because I’ve gotten a few snarky comments from my FI’s friends’ wives. Neither have kids so I’ve gotten the “must be nice” attitude. One I know wants to work part time but can’t because they bought a house way beyond their means and she doesn’t want to give up the more lavish lifestyle they have (she basically told me as much). The other doesn’t work in a field where she can work part time.
I guess I feel bad that I’m not contributing as much financially to our savings. I’ve looked and actually have applied for other jobs but a lot of places don’t hire at the end of the year.
Do any of you work part time without kids? Do you feel guilty for not doing “more”?
Post # 2
Taking care of house stuff, cooking, food shopping, etc. is a job in itself. If it’s working well for you to be handling the majority of that, still bringing in some income, and both you and your Fiance are happy with the situation, why change? Who gives a crap what some snarky “friends” say?
Post # 3
I worked for the State and before having a baby and often had my hours or even position cut. I found I was happiest working .75 FTE. I had time to cook, clean, work out, do hobbies while still bringing in a respectable salary. Money isn’t everything. Time is also a precious resource.
However, can you use your DH’s job for your insurance instead? I used to call HR and demand “change of life” under “job loss” when they cut my hours and expected me to keep paying for my current plan. Because you just lost a percentage of your job!
And while you are changing insurance, you may want to consider changing friends too. I’ve had shitty people I can’t avoid like DH’s family saying “Must be nice,” but I would never tolerate that from a “friend”. Jealousy is so toxic to a relationship.
Post # 4
I work 24 hours a week and we don’t have kids, I like part time working. Means I only work 3 days and can relax and do other stuff during the week
Post # 5
I think this is one of those instances where the jealousy card is the one to play- those snide ‘must be nice’ comments you’re getting are nothing more than sour grapes!
Plus- you do PLENTY. You hold down a good job with benefits you love and your recent decreased hours have benefitted both you and your FI- and it sounds like he’s a gem of a partner that appreciates the extras you’ve taken on at home.
IA with your Fiance, if it’s financially do-able for you to be PT for now and you’re both happy with this, then don’t look for another job just because you may get more hours when you currently love the hospital you’re with. If further cuts are made and it becomes financially undesirable then you may have to look at other options, but for now it sounds like the only issue is that petty jealous people are making comments that make you feel guilty.
My own work hours are all over the map- during busy times I work 60+ hours a week, slow periods (summer) about 25. My Darling Husband is the opposite, summer is his busy period and often 6 days per week, a few slow winter months this can drop to 30 hours/week. And I find whichever one of us has the lesser work hours tends to do more at home so it all balances out.
Haters gonna hate, realize their snotty comments are rooted in begrudging you doing what they likely wish they could do too.
Post # 6
- Wedding: Chateau Lake Louise
redmango : When you are taking on more of the household duties, you usually end up working more than full time; you essentially have 2 part-tiime jobs.
I agree that the snide comments are almost certainly coming from a place of jealousy and there’s no need to pay them any mind. You are doing what’s best for your family, and the commentary from people outside that sphere isn’t fully informed.
You have obviously carefully considered your options, and this one is what’s best right now. You are clearly contributing to the household in a meaningful way. You can feel good about that, even if it doesn’t look exactly like you thought it might.
Post # 7
My official position outside the home is part time. But I can usually pick up extra work that gets me to or close to full time if I want, though I don’t often do that. I usually stay in an 18-24 hour range. I prefer 18 in fact.
My position inside the home is just as many hours per week. Combined I am working full time. If I pick up extra outside work I am then working well over full time.
It works great for our household. I do not feel the least bit guilty. There’s no reason to. I work and contribute plenty, definitely my fair share.
I have actually had a friend say, “must be nice”! I didn’t take offense to it. I thought she really thought it must be nice for me. And it is, she’s right.
If people are jealous of you that’s on them and it’s their own issue to sort out. Don’t let them make you doubt yourself. It’s your life, your work, your time and your marriage, not anyone else’s. Do not be apologetic for making the choices that are best for you.
Post # 8
Ive done this in the past and would absolutely choose to do it again. My husband and I are so much happier when one of us is at home because the apartment is clean and all chores are done leaving evenings and weekends to just relax. Unfortunately in my area, most of the part time positions dont give you benefits so I feel forced to apply to full time positions. I received nasty comments in the past, usually from friends or co-workers who would always moan about how busy their lives were and how much they resented working so much. I would ignore them now, it definitely comes from a point of jealousy. If you can afford to stay part time and are happy in your position, stick with it!
Post # 9
I guess I feel bad that because I’m working part time we aren’t putting as much toward retirement as I was working full time. My place does some matching for 401K so I max out on that (they match up to 3% and i put 6% in). Plus, we won’t be able to take the big vacations and need to put off home renovations unlike some of our friends that have the disposable income to do these things right away.
I think I also grew up with a strong work ethic and if you weren’t working 60 hours a week something was wrong with you, like you were perceived as lazy. This is the first time since high school that I’ve actually worked part time and it’s only been 2 weeks so I know I just need to get that lazy idea out of my head. As an aside, I think we as a society work too much anyway and I should be able to just enjoy that I can do this and not be so stressed out. My Fiance loves his job and if on paper it says we’ll be OK, I just need to trust that.
The friends making the comments are his work friends’ wives, women I don’t know very well. Although my best friend did make a snarky comment similar, and since she has apologized as she admitted it did come from a place of jealousy.
There will be extra shifts available once spring rolls around and people start taking vacation again so I’m sure if I want to I can pick up an extra day here and there.
Thanks Bees. You’ve made me feel better.
Post # 10
I work to live, not live to work… so of course it’d be nice to not work so many hours and have more free time to cook, or maintain the house better, workout, what not. But it is going to be a trade off too. More money equals more savings, or more vacations, or updates. It all comes down to what’s more important to you unless your husband were making more than enough for you guys to have it all. Personally, as much as I would love to be part time, I do love the money more and value that more than the extra 20 hours a week I could have for myself at the moment.
Post # 11
I work usually 3 days a week, sometimes more if a co-worker is off. It’s the job I found when I moved away from home to be with Darling Husband, it’s the area I’m good at, qualified for, and interested in, so a selfish part of me doesn’t want to find a less-fulfilling full time job. I sometimes feel a little bad, mostly that I should be bringing in more money, but I earn enough to pay my share of the mortgage and bills. I do the cleaning/cooking/laundry etc. and it is really nice to not have to spend a weekend off doing those things, like I did when working full time!
If you don’t need to look for another position right now, and you and Fiance are both OK with where you’re at at the moment, I wouldn’t feel the need to immediately search for something else. Maybe further down the line when you have other things in life that need more money, or when you want to or feel the need to.
Post # 12
Just smile and answer that there are pros and cons, such as putting off that vacation you wanted to take, and let it go. I was sometimes jealous of my friends who were able to work part-time and as much as I know I couldn’t stand to do it for long even more so of my friends who don’t have to work at all. It doesn’t mean they think less of you or question your priorities, it’s more a statement of their own.
Post # 13
Huh? How is it anybody’s business other than yours and your Fi’s how much you work outside your home?
As long as your Fi is on board, you’re perfectly free to eat chocolate and drink mimosas all day, if that’s what you want to do.
Lose the guilt. It serves no purpose, but it does block you from accessing your own inner wisdom.
That said, I was the same way in my younger days. I’m old enough now not to give a rip, I just work on what I want to now, my own way.
Work ethic is priceless. Don’t weaponize it.
Post # 14
If you are financially comfortable and not struggling, then enjoy it! If the money is causing you extra stress, what about finding an additional per diem job to pick up hours when you want, and using that solely for savings for your home renovations or vacations? Also as another poster mentioned, combining your benefits (maybe once you are married depending on the rules at your fiance’s job) if he is full time it is probably cheaper to have you go on his plan than keeping separate ones?
Post # 15
On the “must be nice” comments — “It was unfortunate my hours were cut, but yes, it is nice. We’re very blessed.”
Smile and be happy. You get one life; there’s no reason to waste it working standard hours.