- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
I work with a girl, let’s call her “Kelly”. She and I have worked in cubicles across from each other for almost 6 years. We’ve become good friends and hang out outside of work from time to time. We run in a similar social circle.
Kelly is gorgeous, smart, has a great sense of humor. She has an amazing sense of style and always looks like a million bucks. When I first met her, she had confidence in spades. But over the last 6 months or so, something has changed and I’m really starting to notice the effect it’s having on her personality.
Lately, she’s been fishing for compliments CONSTANTLY. This is a new development. She’ll say things like, “I’m so fat”, or “God, I hate my face”. And then she’ll look at you, waiting for you to contradict her. Over the past few weeks she’s complained about her body, hair, teeth, car (which is a gorgeous BMW convertible I might add), and even the shape of her feet. A couple of weeks ago I said “Kelly, is that a new purse? I really like it!”, and she replied, “If you like this one, you should see the one I have at home. This one only cost $500, and the one at home set me back a grand.”. When I just looked at her, not really knowing what to say, she turned on her heel and said, “now don’t be jealous” with a little smirk. That’s something she’s never said to me before.
I just feel like the down-to-earth workmate I used to relate to is changing. And I’m not sure why. I decided to talk to her at lunch today, because I figured something must be eating at her self-confidence these days. Why else would she all of a sudden need all of this reassurance and attention. So I said, “How are things going with you these days Kelly? Everything ok? You don’t seem like yourself.” She asked me why I would ask that, and when I told her that I feel like she’s not giving herself enough credit these days and seems to be a bit down on herself, she got offended and told me to “butt out”.
I’ve decided to give her some space, I don’t want to be nosey. But I was just concerned and wanted to know if there was something bothering her, something really at the root of it all. Now the rest of the workday today was uncomfortable, and I feel like I overstepped.
Tell me bees, was I out of line? Any suggestions on where I take it from here?
(As a bit of a background, she is newly married to a lovely man, and I haven’t heard of any trouble in paradise so to speak. She used to complain about her ex a lot at work, but she’s never mentioned anything about troubles at home. They did live together before getting married, so her living situation hasn’t changed much. And she just received a promotion at work, so I think things are good in that area too).
Am I wrong to be concerned? I’m taking her advice and just “butting out” as she said. I don’t want to pry, but I miss our jovial working relationship and am hoping it just blows over. In the meantime, I’d love to hear your thoughts!