Post # 1
I want to get others opinions on this situation. I don’t know if how I feel is over reacting or if I am right for feeling this way but here goes.
My fiance started his new job in Sept 2011, great job making more money and he’s so good at it and enjoying it. In Jan of this year, his office in town X was merged with Y and Z in other towns. So instead of a 15 min drive, he has a 40 min drive. Still not bad, still great job.
He’s been with a new boss and new office since Jan and he likes it more than his previous (old boss was a bitch and was setting him up to be a failure in stead of giving him the tools to become successful). He’s done better at this office and I know he loves what he is doing, he said he can see himself doing this and moving up as a career.
Well, lately he’s been talking about his boss and how her birthday is coming up. He said he wants to get her something. I figured maybe a small thing of flowers, a plant, or even bring her out to lunch (because she has to do ride alongs at times with him.. they’re insurance agents). I told him not to do anything “special” because it’s a bit inappropriate to give such gifts to someone who he only works with and considering it’s his boss it’s worse.
Well, tonight, he’s looking online at Zales at jewelry. I asked him why, he said he wanted to get her a cross or something. I am not okay with this. I’m sorry but I just can’t agree to this. He got mad and I just can’t make him understand how I feel about this. Not only do I think its inappropriate to give gifts like that to co workers.. I feel as if he’s trying to impress another woman.. I know it sounds silly but I dont know if I am over reacting on this or not.
Do you think it’s okay for anyone to buy a co-worker or boss special gifts for birthday/holiday that you’ve only been working with for 2 months?
Am I over reacting by thinking bringing her out to lunch or getting her a small plant or thing of flowers is a fair enough birthday gift?
I’m very annoyed at this because it’s not the first time.. his last job his boss was a guy and after just a month of working with him he was talking about buying him an iphone for his birthday because his current phone sucked. I feel almost as if he is trying too hard to impress them..
Post # 3
I agree with you completely! However, I think even flowers might be weird. A plant or lunch are appropriate. Jewelry? No, that’s just not okay. Especially because he has only known her 2 months!
Post # 4
wow I agree with you all the way that is just weird and a waste of money lol. I think just a card would be OK…or maybe lunch, but that’s it. I don’t think he is trying to impress another woman though, like you said he even did this with his male boss so I think it is him trying to impress his bosses period. But honestly I don’t know that it would…they might find it weird (as I would) and a little off-putting. It might be OK for him to do this if knew them awhile, but like you said it’s only been a couple of months! It’s a little ridiculous.
Post # 5
I agree that jewelry is not appropriate. Lunch would probably be best in his situation as it isn’t like handing someone a gift. It seems much more casual.
Post # 6
jewellery is definitely not appropriate, i don’t think flowers are either, i think lunch is the best thing 🙂
Post # 7
He sounds like a sweetheart and that he really wants to make an impression. That said, you should try to convince him that jewlery (and religious based in particular) is not the best impression. If not from her, from others in the office. I personally strongly feel that giving such a gift will make her feel uncomforatble and make him looker the poorer. But again, I think it’s really sweet.
Post # 8
Definitely werid and inappropriate. Even if she were his boss for years, jewelery is not appropriate imo. Most companys actually have gift giving rules… at my company the limit is $25 dollar value, otherwise it could be considered bribery or something like that. I wouldn’t even take her out on a one on one lunch if it were me, I’d organize a group lunch or just give her a card.
Post # 9
You are so right. His intentions are in the right place but this isn’t a smart move. One of course like missfrillycoat mention the religious based gift isn’t so smart, second she is a woman which can cause his actions to be misconstrued. I work with a lot of guys and if any of them got me flowers or jewlary I would be highly upset, because it would make me question their intentions, and also I could see other people taking notice and it starting speculation about the nature of our relationship. I think the standard in most places is a card, and paying for lunch, or a knick knack for her desk.
Post # 10
He sounds like his heart is in the right place, but he hasn`t figured out yet that it is completely inappropriate to buy gifts for your boss.
Post # 11
way inappropriate, not to mention awkward. I personally think a card and maybe casual (like subway haha) dinner would be more than good enough.
ETA: I voted other because I personally think even flowers is a bit much and may be seen as something more than it is intended to be seen as, a plant would be one thing, but not flowers. IMO, the only flowers a guy should buy are for his SO or Mom
Post # 12
Generally I think workplace gifts are inappropriate, especially “loaded” gifts like jewelry or flowers, and especially as between bosses and subordinates.
I’d be really uncomfortable with a male coworker giving me a gold cross or flowers. Even if I didn’t think he was putting the moves on me, I’d be worried about how it looked to others. My husband wouldn’t like it, either. Gifting in the workplace can also cause bad feelings for the people who get left out, so I just don’t think it’s a good idea.
Sounds like your husband has the best of intentions, but if he wants to acknowledge this lady’s birthday he should give her a card and leave it at that. Maybe treat her to lunch, but that’s it.
Post # 13
Jewelery is defintely not appropriate.
Jobs I’ve been at we’ve always gotten bosses gifts for their birthdays but they were not from individuals; they were from the whole group and whoever wanted to could contribute (like $5 a person). We usually did flowers and a card along with a giftcard to somewhere they’d enjoy.
Post # 14
@Mrs.KMM: I agree. When it’s your boss, individual gifts should not be given, group gifts only. Even takng a boss out to lunch can be an issue.
Post # 15
@Mrs.KMM: I agree. All those gifts sound inappropriate, and I think a group gift would be the best option. That way, even if it’s something that *could* be romantic in another context (like a GC to the spa), it is being given from both women & men.
If he wants to give something individual in addition to a group gift, I think a card would be appropriate.
Post # 16
I think if he wants to do something then get the office together for a group gift. Hey if he wants they can all pitch in for GC for zales but not a piece.