Post # 1
Member
817 posts
Busy bee
I strongly considered going anon for this, but whatever. I have nothing to be ashamed of.
At my BIL’s wedding at the end of June, they were given a penthouse suite at the hotel my FIL owns for the weekend. They chose to have an after party of sorts after the reception. Well, a couple bottles of reserve Pinot Noir later, I’m drunk as a skunk. Not my proudest moment, but whatever. I retreat into a big leather chair for a nap until DH is ready to go home. I’m sort of half-awake, half-asleep when I feel someone towering over me, watching me. At this point, I want to avoid any potential conversation, so I keep my eyes closed. Well, it’s my Father in law. And, thinking I’m asleep, he leans down and kisses me. On the mouth. Then does it again. Then he pats my head. I’m not talking full-on makeout, tongue or anything, but it was two definite mouth kisses.
Since then, I have been struggling with even being in the same room as him. I told DH the next morning, and he’s also deeply disturbed. This is a man who ALWAYS hugs me when I see him (once when I arrive, and once when I leave), but i always tried to brush it off as being friendly. Now, I don’t know what to do. DH has serious problems with this, and wants to talk to his dad, but I feel like that will just make it worse. As in, more awkward. It isn’t going to happen again, because I’m not going to put myself around him alone again, but I don’t know how to even look at him now without feeling disgust. Should I let DH talk to him? Should I just try to forget about it?
Post # 3
Member
9693 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
@QueenOfSerendip: That is tricky. I do agree it would just make things more awkward and questions would be asked of you as well – if you were awake, why didn’t you say something? Why did you let it happen twice? He shouldn’t have done it, that’s for sure, and it certainly doesn’t sound “fatherly” in nature.
If it is eating away at your husband, then you should let him talk to his dad. If you didn’t want him to say anything or handle the situation with his family as he sees fit, then you shouldn’t have told him. I would have told my husband the same night so he could knock his dad out 😛 Seriously though, it depends what you are willing to ignore and how much family drama you want.
Post # 4
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
I would definitely let him raise it. These things tend to escalate if there are no consequences for the inappropriate behaviour. A stern talking to from his son should hopefully nip it in the bud. You’re right it might make things more awkward for a while, but it sounds like it’s pretty awkward anyway!
Post # 5
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee
Ummm EW! Ick
I probably would have freaked out the second it happened. Is it possible his dad was also very drunk? that is not an excuse AT ALL, but he might claim he doesnt even remember it happening. Did anyone else at the party see it happen?
Post # 6
Member
817 posts
Busy bee
@MrsPanda99: Ugh, I know. I’ve thought about that a million times. I was simply way too drunk to make intelligent, quick-witted decisions. By the time I even comprehended what the hell had just happened, he had walked away. I do feel like the best course of action would have been to say something at the time. Then it wouldn’t be stewing inside me. I think you’re right, I don’t think DH will be able to reconcile this in his mind until he talks to his dad. I just have been avoiding it. Neither of us are confrontational by nature.
@thunderberry: That’s true. I hadn’t thought about the possibility of him going further, but I guess if he’s willing to kiss his DIL, what else will he do? I hope all it would take is a talking-to from DH, maybe you’re right.
Post # 7
Member
2070 posts
Buzzing bee
omgggg that is appalling! i totally understand why you didn’t react at the time… you weren’t thinking clearly and that isn’t exactly a situation you think you would ever find yourself in! I DO NOT have sound advice because I feel like if I were you I would probably just try to forget it and move on. He probably would not be watching any future children of mine though… that might seem harsh but that is seriously creepy/predatory behaviour. If your husband feels he needs to address it with his dad, I think you should let him. and then avoid your FIL like the plague for a while!!!
Post # 8
Member
817 posts
Busy bee
@Bostongrl25: I was freaking out WAY more the next morning then I did when it happened. I remember telling myself that maybe he was just being fatherly. Nope, just nope.
I don’t know if anyone else saw it… it was in the living room area, where the rest of the party was happening on the balconey and the kitchen it seemed like. I know someone else was laying down on the couch, but I don’t think they saw. It’s very possible he was drunk too, he had quite a bit of beer. That might make it worse, too, if he didn’t even remember it.
Post # 9
Member
9693 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
@QueenOfSerendip: I am going to go against the grain a bit here (are you surprised) and say that I feel you should talk to your FIL. Your DH can be there, sure, but the issue is between you and your FIL. You are a grown up and don’t need a man to come to your rescue. It will be more powerful coming from you rather than hiding behind your husband (which is how I fear it will be perceived).
You set the boundaries for what is and is not okay and your DH is there to support you. I don’t believe the “his family, his issue” nonsense when the issue is one that happened to you. The two of you are married now so it is your family too and you have every right to speak up for yourself is you feel it’s necessary.
Post # 10
Member
817 posts
Busy bee
@mu_t: That’s exactly what I thought! The first thing I thought in the morning was that I cannot possibly allow this guy to have unsupervised time with his grandchildren. Someone of his character just couldn’t be trusted. I’m glad I am not alone in thinking that!
Post # 11
Member
817 posts
Busy bee
@MrsPanda99: But that’s SCARY! Haha. No, you’re right. It’s really not Dh’s battle to fight, it’s mine. I know he’ll want to be there, but I can’t really expect him to just go talk to FIL by himself, without me even present.
Post # 12
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
Is this how his family shows affect? Do they kiss on the lips? If he had inappropriately touched you, then I’d be all for freaking the F out. But maybe this was just a drunk tender moment, he might have thought you looked sweet resting there and thought of it like tucking in a child??? I don’t know. It’s strange and odd, but maybe harmless???
Post # 13
Member
5982 posts
Bee Keeper
@QueenOfSerendip: …was everyone all kinds of schnokered….? Cause people do dumb and weird shit after a snoot-full….including people’s dads….I know its creepy, but it may have just been drunk guy display of totally bizarre fatherly affection, and it went so very wrong…he might not even remember either….so yeah….that’s just crazy right there.
Post # 14
Member
2070 posts
Buzzing bee
@QueenOfSerendip: I’ve been thinking about you! What have you decided?! How are you going to proceed? Hope everything is okay!
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