Post # 1
So I need some advice. I’m the Maid/Matron of Honor in my best friend’s wedding. Her wedding is in June (2.5 months away), and I’m starting to get concerned that she’s not going to get everything done. I know that she still has time, but some of the things she hasn’t done yet is:
- Find and book officiant
- Figure out DJ/band/music for reception
- Find and book florist
- Find and book photographer (she has a couple friends doing SOME of the photography, but she mentioned she wanted to hire someone for the formal pictures)
- Register for gifts
- Find and book a baker for the wedding cake
- Find and book rehearsal dinner location
- Book hotel room for wedding night (I know they’re planning on doing this, but I’m almost positive they haven’t done it yet)
- Shop for and purchase wedding bands
- Make or buy favors (I think they know what they want to do, but haven’t started doing it/getting supplies/etc)
- Provide guest list to Maid/Matron of Honor for Bridal Shower
Now, I know there are other things to do, but I just put down the ones I thought should be done by now or at least close to being done. I know she’s met with some officiants, florist, etc, but she hasn’t made any decisions on them.
So I guess my question is… what can/should I do to help? I know that one of my jobs as a bridesmaid is to help her NOT get stressed, so I’m trying not to be overbearing or make her feel rushed. She still has 2.5 months left, but that’s not a TON of time and there’s still a lot to do. I’ve let her know on numerous occassions that I’d be willing to help with whatever she needs and that she just needs to let me know. In the beginning, I tried to point out things she needed to do still (I had JUST gotten married), but she told me that was kind of stressing her out, so I stopped doing that. I don’t want to add to her stress, but I also don’t want her to not be able to get things done in time…
So I guess my question is… is there anything I can do to help or that I should do to help?
Post # 3
Wow that is a lot of stuff she has not done. Is it possible she’s putting it off because she may not get married in June? I hate to bring it up, but yeah.
2.5 months to find things like a photographer?! THat is bad. I think the florist, band/dj, officiant, photographer, and baker need to be done this weekend. She’s just gonna have to go with who’s free for the most part. UNLESS she does a cake from like, Sam’s Club. I ordered mine, oh, a month in advance but i did SHEET cakes. They only needed 48 hours notice by the way. They should start looking for bands, soon, too, but I admit I didn’t purchase mine until like 2 weeks before the wedding. They came in, oh, Friday. We got married the next day. We just couldn’t find ones we wanted BUT we were ok buying them after the wedding cuz we didn’t want to settle. In the next couple of weeks, she needs to get a jump on teh rehearsal dinner (i did this 4 weeks in advance, oops!), hotel, favors, and shower guest list. Honestly i think it’s better to just skip favors or just buy some cute candies and call it a day. Registering for gifts takes a LONG time and she needs to do that asap, too! People buy gifts early
Send her an email and just be like, “hey i’m worried you haven’t done these things yet. Is there anything I can do to help check things off your list? I’m worried you’ll be SUPER stressed the month before and you wonm’t be able to get what you want”.
Her lack of things she’s done is stressing ME out! =]
Post # 4
haha, thanks ejs! I know exactly what you mean! It’s not my wedding, and I’M starting to get stressed FOR her! I don’t want to stress her out anymore, but I think she needs to get a move on things.
I think she’s semi-okay for the bands/music. I know she’s got a friend doing the ceremony music, and she talked about justing using an ipod for the reception, so I think they will probably be okay there, though they need to figure out the songs and who’s going to be in charge of the ipod. Her fiance actually was in charge of the music for MY wedding via an ipod, but he won’t be able to do it for their wedding.
As for the photographer, I don’t know what she’s doing. I know she has a couple cousins who are willing to take some pictures – like they will take pictures in the morning while the boys and girls get ready and will take pictures at the reception, but I’m not sure if they are willing to do pictures during the ceremony or formal pictures afterwards. I guess maybe she’s thinking if she doesn’t find someone, she’ll just make them do it? I have no idea…
I’m really concerned about the officiant, florist, and baker. I know that she’s talked to a couple officiants and florists, but she hasn’t picked one. I think for the officiant she wants her fiance to meet with them and he just HASN’T yet. My fiance was equally usless when I was doing my wedding, so I just booked stuff without him meeting/talking to people since things just had to get done. She hasn’t met with any bakers yet, and I’m really concerned about that. I know we had to let our baker know a good 1.5 to 2 months before the wedding so he could make sure he could make the cake and stuff before the actual day.
I’m also concerned about the gifts. She hasn’t even started registering yet, and I’m not even sure she knows where she wants to register. I’m currently in the process of making her bridal shower invites (even though she hasn’t provided me a guest list and I’m kind of guessing at how many I have to make), and I can’t give out any registry info in the invites since I (and they) don’t know where they are going to register. Once people receive invites (I’m mailing them next week assuming I have addresses), they’ll want to know where she’s registered, so she needs to have that figured out before then! Yikes!
Thank you for your advice! Maybe I’ll just try to send her a friendly reminder! I’m just concerned that I’ll stress her out even more and she’ll be upset with me! 🙁
Post # 5
WOW…that’s a heck of a lot left for only 2.5 months! I agree with just reminding her and asking her if she needs help with anything.
Post # 6
Heh, well as someone who is not having a cake I think there is a good chance she is just fine! Are you sure that some of these things like baker and photographer and hotel room aren’t things that she just mentioned maybe doing if she finds someone and that she’s okay skipping it? Things tend to work out for weddings so as long as she has a venue and food and drink for guests I think it will all be good!
I wasn’t sure about registering (though I have, in one place, for about 50 items) and certainly the truly traditional thing is not to register at all. 🙂
I think you’re a great friend and your offers to help out are spot on. However every wedding has a different vibe to it and some are more planned out than others. I would let it go and be cheerfully helpful if (when!) she asks for help. The less structured weddings tend to turn out great but do require help at the last minute from family and friends!
Post # 7
Thanks for your input! I know she wants to have a cake, but I think the reason she hasn’t been really looking is because her fiance is lactose intollerant, and I think she’d like to find a place that will cater to his needs (even though he’s specified that he doesn’t care).
As far as the photographer, I know she certainly would like to have one because they have a bunch of ideas for pictures that they want to do. I’m guessing she’ll make her cousin take the pictures if she ends up not booking anyone else…
The hotel room probably isn’t super important – she has booked two houses – one for her family and one for friends, so if they end up not finding a hotel or not booking one, I suspect she’ll just stay at one of the houses.
As far as registering, I know that it’s okay not to – I didn’t! But I did make a list of wants so that if anyone wanted help for gifts, there was that list. I’m pretty sure she’s planning on registering, just hasn’t yet.
I just don’t want her (or ME) to have to run around like a chicken with our heads cut off on the day of! 😛 Maybe the next time I see her, I’ll just ask her about a couple of the things (cake, florist, officiant) and offer my help again.
Post # 8
I was just in a wedding like this. I was the most stressful thing I have even been involved in. But the thing is the bride wasn’t stressed at all. Our dresses still weren’t altered as of the morning of her wedding. The wedding ended up happening and things worked themseleves out (not neccesarily as planned) and the bride couldn’t be happier. All you can do if offer to help and offer to relieve some stress. I guess if she doesn’t want help then this falls on her since it’s her wedding.
Post # 9
Adira, I believe that she would like these things, it’s just that sometimes, at least for me, like = if I can get it with minimal stress and have time for it and it otherwise makes sense. 🙂
Certainly if these things are important to her she’s left them quite late and really needs to get a move on.
Post # 10
I went through this exact same thing with my brother. The advice that they posted on here from the bees were superhelpful for me, so it might help you!http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/my-brothers-wedding-fsil-organisational-skills-zilch-vent-long-vent
Post # 11
Thanks for the advice and the link Bees!
Only 2.5 months to go and then it’ll be all over! 😛
Post # 12
@ccranetobe – I feel a little less stressed now that I’ve read about your brother’s wedding! Sounds like they were more disorganized than my bride is! Did everything end up turning out okay?
Post # 13
Depends on the day of the week they’re marrying, too. I’m getting married in July, but on a Friday, and I’m still finding plenty of availability for photogs, etc.
Let’s see… of the things on your list, I haven’t done the following:
- Figure out DJ/band/music for reception
- Find and book florist (I only need bouquets/bouts/corsages, doing mostly non floral centerpieces)
- Find and book photographer (We’re working on this, should have contract by end of next week)
- Find and book rehearsal dinner location (we might just have BBQ in the back yard)
- Book hotel room for wedding night (we don’t know for sure if we’re doing this)
- Shop for and purchase wedding bands (will be done in next two weeks)
- Make or buy favors (I know what we’re doing, but haven’t bought them)
and additionally, we still need to:
Of these, only the photographer and the honeymoon are stressing me out (and mostly cuz I just want to decide on a photographer – my Fiance is picky – and because flights jumped $100 a person last week. they better go back down!)
So, I’m sort of in her boat, but in my case, it’s working out. All of the photographers I’ve contacted still have my date free, and that’s the most important thing left. Your friend will probably start moving on things soon, but you being there to offer help will probably be greatly appreciated! (But if she is getting married on a Saturday, I agree with the others… she’s, well, not doomed, but best get her move on!)
Post # 14
I’d be freaking out if I were her, buy maybe she’s just UBER laid back, know what I mean (well… is she??!?). Also, maybe the things on that list aren’t super important to her? Really, the only thing she NEEDS is an officiant.
I’m just throwing out ideas…..
Post # 15
As a bride that is getting married in that time frame I would be SO stressed out if I didn’t have all my major vendors booked. But a lot of those things like officiant and photographer she kind of needs to figure out for herself. You have to assume she’ll get it done eventually.
It’s really great that you are a Maid/Matron of Honor who cares so much…my Maid/Matron of Honor hasn’t really done anything for my wedding and we only talk about it when I bring up something specific which I try not to do too much.
Post # 16
@SanDiegoAli – One might think she’s laid back, given the circumstances, but she’s actually NOT! She’s usually super organized and on-top of things! We went to college together and she always made me start homework assignments the day after we received them and wake up early on weekends to do homework! I’m super surprised she’s not more on top of things for her wedding! Though I understand it’s stressful to plan one and work full time and stuff. I was kind of lucky with mine because my fiance didn’t care so I just went about doing what I wanted, but her fiance wants to be involved and is also dragging his feet, which is why I think things are taking so long for some of them.
@mak418 – You may be right. Her wedding is also on a Friday, so maybe it will be okay! I know they’re certainly saving a ton by having it on a Friday instead of a Saturday!