(Closed) Worried about Engagment

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Oh sweetie I’ll be honest with you, if it’s the right time in your life to be married, then marry him!! I am actually older and done with school (thank goodness!!) but I have just started my own business so that throws a different kink into things.  You can definitely have a great marriage and life if you are married now. I know that a number of people know that money problems lead to marital problems and as long as you-all know that there is no money upfront there may not be money problems, you know?!  LOL for example M and I are older than most on the board but we have both poured money into our businesses and are therefore on a tight budget, but we both know that our business endeavors will be successful (both are already starting to pay off).  With that being said, it’s definitely not going to prohibit us (i hope since i’m waiting for him to pop the question)marriage wise, we will just have the day that we can afford.

 

eta welcome to the hive!!!!!

Post # 4
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

How would you afford a wedding if you are both in grad school?  Are you going to have jobs too?  I would just make sure that you pay for everything outright and don’t take up any credit card debt for the wedding.  A wedding is important but it isn’t important enough to go into debt over.

Post # 6
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

@miss moose: will you be living on your stu loans after the wedding?  Do you think you could perhaps cut the amount that your parents give you in half and then use the rest to live off of instead of taking out so many stu loans?

Post # 8
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m in grad school and I’m getting married.  But I’ve also been working full time for five years and going to grad school part-time for 1.5 years.

I can’t imagine how we would have paid for a wedding straight out of undergrad.  We were completely broke.  We lived in the Bronx and ate dinner sitting on the floor in front of the TV ;o)

I think it just depends on what your plans are.  Will you be working/going to school at night?  Do you have any money saved up?  How big will you want your wedding to be?  Will your parents be helping out?  There’s a lot to look at.

Post # 9
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Also, check on what your rules for your student loans will be post-graduation and how many classes you have to take to defer them.  I paid my loans at $600/month (!!!!) until I started grad school and now they’re deferred.  Fiance and I will be in a MUCH better situation to pay them after we get married, so it worked out for us.

Also, will you be tacking on more loans to go to grad school?  One thing I was insistent on was paying for grad school out of pocket since I already racked up $60K in undergrad loans (with a scholarship)  We both go to city/public schools and pay our tuition every month.   

Post # 10
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Many congrats ๐Ÿ™‚ crebre80 is right, if it’s your time, it’s your time and go with it!

That being said, just make sure the stress of a wedding won’t be too much in the midst of applying/attending grad school!! My fiance refused to even propose til I was nearly finished. While this irritated me no END at the time, by the last semester of grad school I was a stressy emotional wreck (perhaps you are more stable/less prone to academic floundering/less neurotic than I, LOL). Then we decided to wait to get married til nearly a year after HE finished up grad school. This also ticked me off, because we were ready – however, grad school for him was also very stressful and even more time-consuming than my program as he had to travel from NYC to Boston ever 6 weeks. We totally could not have pulled off a wedding in the midst of this, not even something simple, and I honestly think it would’ve made our first year of married life a living hell. Like I said, though, I’m crazy ๐Ÿ™‚

Only you can know how the two of you will handle it though. You’ll have a break between college and grad school and you sound financially responsible and like you have your shizznit together, especially if you already know you’re going to get married, do the mini-moon thing and have a fantastic trip to look forward to after grad school if you decide to get married sooner than later I am sure that it will work out just fine ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 11
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

Whoa whoa. I’m the one who started that post and the last thing I want to do is get someone in a happy, healthy relationship the jitters.

That couple I referred to isn’t in school, and weren’t just ‘starting out.’ They were full-blown adult grads who happen to both lose their jobs and only got married because their families didn’t like them living together without being hitched. They are in DEEP financial trouble- not poor from just starting out or being in grad school. EVERYONE has student loans. Not everyone has mortgage-backed student loans, or would move into a $1200 a month apartment  when you’re only making $30,000 between the two of you. You see?

Weddings are about planning your life together, not a dollar amount in the bank. Its not the fact that they’re broke, it’s that they’re making many many impractical decisions together.

The fact that you’re even worrying about this is probably a good indicator of a stable head on your shoulders. Wink Congrats.

Post # 13
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My brother and his wife were married while in grad school. My sister-in-law is currently working toward her PhD while my brother worked for a few years after finishing his Masters, then decided to get his law degree (he’s now in his second year of law school).

So, that’s the back story. They’ve been happily married for over three years now, are homeowners, and their first child was born this past summer. They have to take on some debt in order to go after their dreams of professional school and a PhD, but they didn’t want to let their academic and career goals push back their other goals like marriage, and they’re doing great. It’s all about balancing your priorities. It’s not a licence to go out and spend recklessly while living off of student loans but there’s no reason you can’t be happy in your personal and academic lives at the same time.

Post # 14
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well, depending on what kind of Dr. you want to become… you have a looooong time before you will be “making” money on your own from your job.  As long as you’ve already been together, since your already making plans for how to pay for life, I say… if you’re ready… your ready.  Just make sure you’re really honest with each other also about what kind of expectations you have more than financially.  What about emotionally?  How much physical presence?  Med school is a long, tolling, time intensive road… but a lot of people do marry before they are done.  I wish you all the best!

Post # 15
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

When I was in grad school, I wished I were married.  My office was full of married people (with kids) and their lives were much more balanced than mine.  Perhaps I did a little better because I didn’t have other things going on in my life, but I would have been way way happier if that part of my life had be settled.  If money isn’t an issue, and planning won’t take you away from your studies (if your parents are planning, it doesn’t seem that is the case), then I think getting married would be a good thing.^^

Post # 16
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My Fiance has another 1.5 years left to finish his undergrads (yes, multiple!) and I’m finishing up next month. We’re getting married next September. We’re both broke broke broke, but our parents are giving us a little money and we’re using our tiny savings to make this wedding happen. I think that you can have a truely beautiful wedding at any budget level (check out the $2,000 wedding blog if you doubt me!). If you and your SO feel its time- then its time! Plus, there are benefits to being married if only one of you is in grad school at a time- insurance! ๐Ÿ™‚ Its a small thing, seemingly, but knowing that you’ll both be covered in case of something bad is always a good feeling.

 

Good luck!

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