(Closed) Worried about FI

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 122
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Wow. This is  saga.

I don’t think anything is wrong with his phone. I don’t think he’s in a cell phone dead zone. I don’t think that he’s cheating on OP. 

Most likely, he’s just being a clueless dumbass (sorry).

And this is just my opinion, but when you are married or living with someone and ESPECIALLY if you have children, you need to share your travel destination/itinerary. I don’t care how last minute it is. Shit happens. What if there was a family emergency? What if OP had to go to the hospital for something? What if his father had a heart attack and god forbid passed away? What if  . . . and you have no way of contacting your spouse for days on end? No, I don’t think so. To each his own but not the way we roll.

Post # 123
Member
3878 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ugh…. You would think he could at least call collect from a public phone or something if he doesn’t have service! I would ask to borrow a landline even at a store because there is no way I would want my DH to be that worried about me!

Post # 124
Member
507 posts
Busy bee

I agree that from the way this is all written it seems fishy – but respect that everyone’s communication habits may be different than mine and my FI’s! Hope he is okay and not overworked.

Post # 125
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@Anna10-05-2014:  My Fiance travels lots for work, and when people ask where he is, I’m like, “Arizona. Maybe? Wait, I think DC. Or Florida.” He mostly remembers to share his itinerary with me, but sometimes not. And as others have said, the time difference can really mess you up. You have four hours, and the most I’m used to is 3, but I am asleep by the time he’s home from dinner when he goes to Arizona.

It doesn’t sound fishy (especially if it doesn’t sound off to you). It sounds like a routine business trip.

Post # 126
Member
9799 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

If he was perfectly fine and hadn’t contacted me after this long I’d be really angry with him!!  Cell service or not.  But I’m used to talking to him multiple times a day if we’re on a trip without each other.

Hope you hear from him soon OP.

Post # 127
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@Anna10-05-2014:  My husband has been a clueless dumbass many times throughout our 30 year marriage when it comes to calling me when he’s out of town. Doesn’t matter how many times I’ve gotten pissed off about it, he still doesn’t always call. “Sorry, hon, I forgot.” Gee, thanks. Nothing fishy going on, he’s just being his typically distracted self. *SIGH*… 

 

Post # 128
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@Anna10-05-2014:  

It’s easy to let your mind run away with all sorts of crazy ass ideas when you get worried but it sounds like you’re doing a fantastic job of not freaking.  

I can tell you a funny story about one of my freak outs while my DH was travelling to put a smile on your face. =)  He went out of state for work and stayed at a hotel with a bar because he liked to have a few drinks after work.  Well, he was supposed to call that night when he went back to his room to go to bed but I fell asleep and didn’t realize that he hadn’t called til the next morning. So I’m headed to work, called his cell and no word. Waited about 30 mins, called back, still no answer. At this point I’m upset because I’m worried he’ll be late for work (which is TOTALLY out of character).  So after blowing up his cell, I thought I’d get smart and call the hotel and have them ring his room phone since those things are obnoxiously loud.  I asked for him by last name, she says there’s no one there by that name. I then spelled it for her, nada. I asked if it was under the company name, but nothing again.

At this point I’m positively LIVID and oh my god, in my head I had him laid up with all kinds of sluts and packed bags (because clearly, at this point he was cheating on me and leaving me haha) doing everything under the sun.  5 minutes later I get a call from him. He’d just woken up, had left his phone on vibrate, was not late to work and was, in fact, at the hotel.  The front desk girl added an ‘s’ to his last name by accident.  He understood why I was so freaked out and promised never to not call again! He said he got back to his room late and didn’t want to wake me up, but figured he’d just call me in the morning to wake me up since he usually gets up before I do.  We laugh about it now, but I was royally pissed then. I was also getting used to having a travelling SO. I’d never been with one that travelled before.

Post # 129
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee

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@BellaDee:  “not one human can function clearly let alone work a career with absolutely no rest or sleep inbetween for 30 hours.  that is humanely impossible.”

FWIW, I have done this while cramming for a final. Then I passed out after the exam.

View original reply
@thenewmrsmax:  This is also the most plausible explanation to me. I think that OP’s Fiance is most likely extremely busy and probably clueless about calling her. I have a friend whose SO is like this. It’s just how he is.

Post # 130
Member
1283 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I hope you hear soon! If nothing else it just sucks to be waiting and wondering! I had an ex like this, and it drove me nuts!!

I do think if you’re worried, or even not as its been a significant period of time now, that you are entitled to call the work friend. Just say you’re concerned that his phone might be dead as you haven’t been able to connect and see if you can get in touch that way.

Post # 131
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I always cringe when a girl says “My Fiance would never cheat on me. I know him.”  Famous last words, too many times around these parts. I’m not saying that’s the case, but it’s like when they said God couldn’t sink the Titanic. 

I’m not buying any of the excuses so far though. He doesn’t know your phone number? He can’t type a two second text? Charge his phone? 

Regardless, I hope everything works out.

Post # 132
Member
9944 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Anna10-05-2014:  I would be about out of my mind in this situation.  Have you heard anything yet??  Scary!

Post # 133
Member
9124 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

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@Anna10-05-2014:  i wouldn’t assume he’s cheating either.  But I WOULD be pissed at how inconsiderate he’s being!

Post # 134
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee

Obviously this is not the popular opinion, but I think you’re overreacting. If I travel I don’t necessarily check in if I’m busy, nor does he. I don’t assume he’s dead just because we haven’t spoken in a couple days. I might get worried after 5-7 days with no contact, but that’s never happened.

Unless he specifically told you he’d text or call when he arrived, it’s not really fair to be pissed at him. Just tell him that in the future, you’d appreciate a sign of life within X amount of time.

That said, if you are used to receiving an update when he travels, I understand your concern. I hope that all is well!

Post # 135
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

View original reply
@MissMarple:  I knew that, I just know a lot of people that forget to turn that feature off so it might be something to check. I’m also pretty sure when you run an update, get a new version of the phone it automatically turns on so you have to shut it off yourself. 

Post # 136
Member
214 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@arathella:  She said in the original post that he said he would contact her when he got there.

If anything, this post is an eye-opener into how different expectations can be among different couples!

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