(Closed) Worried about first time, birth control, etc…

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
2809 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

one tip- relax. have something to drink, let yourself relax. it’ll feel better, promise.

also, the pill can be good. the trick is finding one that works for you. it could take a couple different ones before you find the right one. so, condoms may be your best option for protection at least until you find a good pill. if you choose the pill route. i’ve heard absolute horror stories about both the patch and nuvaring. if you want to get all your birth control options laid out, talk to your doctor (: they’ll know what’s best.

Post # 4
7564 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@colorofmyheart:  I agree. Try not to put a lot of pressure on yourself. Have a nice date, relaxing date night with a glass of wine and enjoy!

As for birth control – this is something you should talk to your doctor about. They will check you out and give you the ok for sex. They can discuss your options and suggest the best one for your needs/wants.

Best of luck! 

Post # 5
7872 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@perfectingfaith:  My main first time tip is don’t have high expectations! It may hurt and will almost certainly be awkward. But don’t worry, you’ll have a whole lifetime to get better at it. Judging my your username you’re Christian, and if so I recommend this site which has several good “beginner” articles on sex, especially for Christians waiting until marriage: http://www.themarriagebed.com

As for birth control: look into it now. I went on the pill a couple of months before my wedding. But it messed with my moods too much and after a few months of marriage we switched to condoms. If your husband’s ok with it then condoms are great because you’re not putting any sort of drug into either of you. On the other hand a nice side effect of the pill is you can time your period to avoid it being on your wedding day.

Post # 6
106 posts
Blushing bee

Relax. Make sure to keep communication going, and don’t feel bad if its awkward, or you giggle, or make a weird noise. Sex is a bit weird, like everything human. Have fun, and also go slow.

 I’m not sure if you two have been intimate in other ways – that can help take the pressure off you both. However if you haven’t, thats ok! Just be comfortable enough with yourself and your body. Also you might need to guide him in with your hands. Its pretty hard (nigh impossible) to get it in hands free.

I also second condoms for contraception, finding the right pill can be a pain depending on how lucky you get. Other methods such as a IUD (I have one and love it!) or a diaphram might be ok as well.


Post # 8
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

No avoiding the (slight) pain.. it hurt for me the first three times or so? It’s nothing excruciating… soon it will be a distant memory 🙂

Post # 9
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Just make sure you do loads of foreplay beforehand so you’re as ‘ready’ as you’ll ever be.

Post # 11
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016


I would suggest for you to have a few glasses of wine to allow you to relax. You want to be relaxed and comfortable; being tense will just make things more physically uncomfortable for you. And to be perfectly honest, you may bleed a little. It will be a little uncomfortable, but shouldn’t be painful.


Take it slow. Make out a lot, do some heavy petting, really let it build between you two. You’ll probably have to help him guide it in and you should control how fast or slow it happens. It may take a few minutes for you to accommodate him until you guys can find a groove that works.


Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t last very long or if he has the opposite problem and don’t finish at all. Nerves will do that to you. 🙂


I wouldn’t expect for you to have an orgasm from intercourse the first time either. Some women never have orgasms from intercourse alone.


Have fun! Get creative, don’t be shy or embarrassed. If you don’t know how to do something, Google it! Learn and explore together! 


This sounds clique but I enjoy having music in the background and prefer to have dim lighting. The music helps muffle the sometimes silly noises that happen and the lighting is good for leaving a little mystery. ha!


As far as birth control is concerned. I personally would not take it. Birth control can really mess up your body (I know I’ll get crap for saying it, but it’s true. Just because so and so has been on it for 5 years, doesn’t mean that it’s safe) There are other, drug free, methods out there that work just as well considering birth control isn’t 100% effective. Condoms come in all different materials, so play around and find one he likes. If you’re aware of your most fertile times you can avoid intercourse, use a condom or choose to be intimate in other ways. If you do decide that you want to take birth control I would talk to your doctor AND do your own research. 

Post # 12
150 posts
Blushing bee

Honestly it doesn’t hurt too much and the pain is definitely not unbearable, you may bleed the first few times but generally girls are not in agony. I would recommend plenty of lubrication, just pick some up at the supermarket and ensure you do plenty of foreplay beforehand. This time in a relationship is new and exciting as you discover each other’s needs.  Plus you guys will be newly married and incredibly in love so it should be a positive, yes slightly awkward event for you both.  I wouldn’t expect fireworks and it takes most people a lot of practice to get to know each other needs ect.  

As far as the pill as birth control is concerned I am personally not a fan – I don’t like the idea with messing with my hormones and it makes me very nauseous, lowers your sex drive ect. However some girls rave about it. I have been told by doctors that you need to go off the pill and wait between 6 – 12 months before trying to start having children as this is better for the foetus, so you should probably keep this in mind or speak to your doctor about it and get their opinion. Have you thought of using condoms? Or are there religious reasons for your not considering this option? My partner and I have used them for the past 5 years and we have never had any issues.

Good luck on your up and coming wedding!

Post # 13
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My biggest piece of advice is don’t expect it to be more than what it is. I imagined it would be more perfect; like a movie where you just roll around and your partner attends to your every thought like a mind reader.


NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! Especially the first time. It will be awkward (I didn’t realize you had to guide them in with your hands, so there was lots of weird “stabbing around” if you know what I mean lol), and you’re not perspiring in dewy freshness like an actress: you are sweaty and gross sometimes! Relax, and don’t make too much of the moment. As a fellow Christian who was waiting a long time (my only partner is my fiance) I had built it up so much in my head to be this shining moment when you experienced something magical. WHile it is very special, it was also very human and that means messy and awkward. You bump heads, get in strange positions, make funny noises, don’t achieve orgasm together (that was another one of my myths), etc. So don’t worry too much, do your research so you know what to expect, and communicate during the act so that you both know what you want. If masturbation is okay to you, I’d also recommend that. Then you have a better idea of what feels good to you and you aren’t freaked by what an orgasm feels like. Some religions are against it, some arent. Its up to you. 🙂

Post # 14
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My fiance and I are waiting for our wedding night as well. My grandmother could tell I was nervous as she went through the same thing when she was a girl. She lost her virginity on her wedding night and gave me the following advice that I’ve summarized: )  

Don’t drink – You’ve waited so long to be intimate, you want to be able to completely experience that time with your husband. A glass of champagne isn’t going to hurt anything, but if it gets to the point where your mood or body is obviously affected it will take away from the purity and specialness of the night. 

Let things happen naturally – sex is natural between two people who love each other. Start out kissing and let it happen. It takes trust and love, as does marriage. Let him lead you. 

In a religious sense, sex is the physical act that bonds husband and wife. The fact that you’ve waited 9 years says that you understand the significance. My advice to you is to ask these questions to women who waited for their wedding night. The advice and leading you will get will be much more helpful to you. 

Post # 15
4049 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

First times can be great and romantic and lovely. But physically? Meh.

Don’t build it up. Expect it to be short. Expect it to physically not be a big deal. You probably won’t have an orgasm. You won’t moan and go crazy like the movies and TV portray. For some women it hurts. It didn’t at all for me, so don’t fear pain, because lots of us don’t have any.

Have some foreplay. Don’t go straight to sex. Lead into it slowly. Build it up. If you still need lube, just try any sort of water based lubricant.

As for BC, I like the pill. Millions of women do. Plenty don’t. You won’t know until you try and see if your body reacts well to it. I have no negative side effects, and that could be the case for you.

Good luck!

Post # 16
3645 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’ve never had a problem with the pill, remember, those who have problems are normally the most vocal about it, they are actually a small percent. I don’t go around telling everyone about my completely normal experience with the pill all the time, because it’s boring. There are hundreds of thousands of women just like me. Go see your doctor, and they’ll get you sorted. 

You’ve received some great advice from everyone here, listen to it. Don’t just dive in, you’ve been building up for 9 years, build up some more, lots of kissing and undressing and caressing. Slow, slow, slow. It will be intimate, perhaps a little funny/awkward, and that’s ok! If you can’t laugh during sex with your partner, then when can you laugh?! 

Make sure you share these concerns with him too, I know that might seem intimating and you don’t want to look “silly”, but again, you are going to be marrying him and if you can’t talk about this with him, then what does that say about your communication and trust? In fact, just print out this page with all the advice and read through it and discuss it together. 

If you haven’t explored yourself, alone, with your hands, now is the time to start doing it. The first time may not be super pleasurable (more intimate and romantic), but the honeymoon sure can be. You have a better chance of it being pleasurable if you yourself already know what feels good for you. You don’t have to penetrate yourself with your fingers, play around and find your clit first, gentle touches, see what you like. And remember, most people, during intercourse, are touching themselves with their own hands too. It is quite rare for a woman to be able to climax solely through penetration alone. Don’t feel like you are ‘cheating’ or that there is something wrong with you. 

Have one or two drinks to relax and loosen up and just relax. This will be your first time of many, many hundreds or thousands of times. You have plenty of time to get it “right”. Enjoy these first touches, that first act of penetration then you finally become “one”. You may feel stretched, full, a little bit of pain as he breaks your hymen (side note, this may not happen the first time as he may not get deep enough, so if on the third or fourth time it hurts and you bleed, don’t freak out! That’s just your hymn breaking. It’s a small amount of blood, like 1 day of a period or something). You may feel nothing at all! Don’t stress if this is the case, it will all come in good time. You may need to help him find your vaginal opening, so make sure you know where it is yourself. 

As I said, make sure you talk about this with your future husband. Do you both agree on what position you’d like to be in when he first enters you? Most people go with missionary, which I recommend, but sometimes your partner isn’t thinking the same thing you are. Game this out with him a bit rather than jumping in blindly.

And have fun! 🙂 

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