Post # 1
Just a little back story…
My mom is insane. She is loud and very boisterous, always has to be the center of attention. She and I have had a scattered past because when I was 13 she decided she was a lesbian and left my dad, brother and I without saying a word. We didn’t hear from her for years. She reappeared in my life expecting everything to be the same as when I was a child…. wrong. She has been negative about my engagement, and nearly every step I have taken in my life including my choice of education path and career. Fast forward to now:
We have a strict no date rule for singles because we are having a lunch reception with no dancing. Just appetizers, cake, and socializing, therefore no one needs a date especially since everyone knows each other. I told her this a while back and yet she took it upon herself to invite her new girlfriend. I will call her “flavor of the week” because she has too many to keep up with. I let it go because it wasn’t worth a blowout fight over it.
Now the real problem: I am terrified she will be her loud obnoxious self and make a scene at the wedding or one of the wedding events. She is infamous for starting fights at reunions and other family events. I have already asked her nicely, as well as other family members to be on her best behavior and she of course started yelling and claiming she never does things like that….
Anyone else have this problem or a similar one? How are you dealing with it?
Post # 3
I can’t say that I can relate but I am sorry you are having to deal with this stress. I hope for you she can behave for just one day. ((HUGS))
Post # 3
I would delegate whoever you know that has the best “don’t mess with me” attitude/build to keep an eye on her and remove her as quietly as possible if she does start to make a scene.
Post # 4
get one or two of your big burly guy friends to play watchdog/bouncer. Most guys LOOOVE doing that kind of thing (I think it’s a macho/ego thing… 😉 ). Or, you could go one step further and have some sort of security on hand.
If it helps, I already figure my mom will be doing everything possible to try and either a)be the martyr of the party or b)be the center of attention. The first, don’t care. the latter? uh, yeah, I’m sure THAT’s gonna happen with my two kids and a platoon of our friends around 😉 (doesn’t mean I won’t get hell for it later, but… it’ll be soooo worth it.)
sorry you’ve gotta deal with this. sometimes, our parents just SUCK. 🙁
Post # 5
Why did you invite your mom? Why dont you tell her that her girlfriend is not invited for the same reason that other guests’ dates are not invited.
We are having a very small close-family-only ceremony and dinner reception. No dancing, just live acoustic guitarist and a full meal and cake and all that. Because of their drug addictions and neglect, I have strained relationships with both of my parents. My mom is invited but her husband is not. I made this very clear and I sent her invite to my grandmothers for her to pick up. She didnt even know I was engaged anyways. My dad is not invited because I can not trust him not to be completely rude and hateful the whole time. I wish it were different but it isnt and I cant let my entire wedding day be ruined with anxiety over people that have chosen to act a certain way.
Since only close family is going to be there, they all know the drama with my parents and it would be completely fake to pretend for a day that everything was peachy with them. The thought of my dad walking me down the isle just for the sake of how the photos would look makes me gag.
Its your wedding. Do it your way. Invite people who are meaningful to you and that is it. There is no reason to try to please everyone, its not going to happen no matter what you do.
You should also call your mom and tell her that her girlfriend is not invited and you would appreciate it if she allowed you to have this one day. If she is any mother at all or even an adult at all she will realize that it is YOUR day and its not about what she wants.
Post # 6
Tell your mom that she can’t have a date. And if that is a deal breaker for her, that you are sorry to hear that, and hope she attends anyway.
If that fails, go with what linguo42 said: Recruit your toughets bad attitude friend.
Best of luck!
Post # 7
@AlmostMrsReed: I invited her because she’s my mom. Regardless of terrible decisions she has made, she birthed me and raised me until she decided to go. I am trying to be the better, more mature person. I had moments when I didn’t want to invite her however I couldn’t stomach it. As far as her girlfriend goes, I am afraid if I put my foot down my mom won’t come at all. I just want one day where I can at least pretend I have a happy little family. I’m in denial….
Post # 8
My mom was the pitbull against my husband’s mother. Whipped her into shape real quick!! I only wish I could have been there and not heard about it after the fact
I think you need to put your foot down, tell your mother she can’t bring her girlfriend. and if she gets out of line, will be asked to leave. My mantra on these boards is “even though someone is family, doesn’ tmean you have to deal with their toxicity.” I’ll be damned if I would put up with anything like that from anyone, especially a mother who did to me what she did to you. I would never speak to her again (much like my husband’s mother). but to each their own