Post # 1
I have posted before about my MOH who recently got engaged and being a little worried about her situation.
Her FI proposed to her a month after I got engaged. Our FI’s are close friends and actually were friends before MOH and I were.
First, I was a little worried that her FI proposed because he felt pressured to get engaged. They had been dating longer than my FI and I had, and we had gotten engaged before them. Then some Bees talked me down and said it was pretty normal for guys to propose soon after their friends because they realize they need to get their butts in gear.
I also was worried because, honestly, I don’t think they’re right for each other. At least once a week, MOH makes her FI sleep on the couch because they get into a huge argument. And sometimes they are just flat out mean to each other around us, especially when drinking. This doesn’t happen often, but often enough to cause concern.
We recently moved 4 hours away from MOH and her FI. They came to visit us a few weeks ago. We talked wedding things, and there didn’t seem to be any huge developments. By the way, they are getting married in October 2014. I am not her MOH, but a bridesmaid nonetheless.
Last night MOH called me and left a voicemail saying she got her dress. Whaaaat? I know I don’t live in the same town.. but she didn’t even mention to me that she was going dress shopping. Or that she was even thinking about dresses yet. It kind of came out of nowhere. I took MOH dress shopping with me a few months back. I didn’t choose a dress, but she was along for the ride.
So I called her back. She was incredibly nonchalant about the whole thing. Didn’t seem excited that she found “the dress” or anything. It was just.. weird. I’m not upset that I couldn’t be there- I live 4 hours away, I wouldn’t expect MOH to wait until I can be there to look at dresses. I’m more confused about her lack of excitement about the whole thing. And I’m also a little surprised that got a dress so soon especially since she has never mentioned anything about dresses previous to this weekend. I know her mom has been pushy about things pertaining to the wedding since. Maybe she pushed her to buy a dress she wasn’t crazy about?
Should I talk to MOH about the dress? Or let it go?
EDIT: I’ve edited this post for clarification. I DO NOT plan on talking to MOH about troubles with her FI. I understand that is not my place. I am mainly concerned about the issues pertaining to her dreass.
Post # 3
I do not think this is a big deal. I love my husband to death, but I wasn’t super obsessive over our wedding. I picked out my dress while I was randomly shopping one afternoon after work alone. I understand you want the best for her, but just because she did not make a big to do about buying a dress or having a wedding doesn’t mean that her marriage is doomed.
Post # 4
@MichiganGirl24: I would let it all go. You can’t do or say anything about her choice to get engaged to this guy whether they are sleeping separately because of fights or not. You just have to trust she’ll figure it out and be there if/when she does.
As for the dress, I agree with PP that some people make it a much bigger deal than others. Try not to read into it as a sign she doesn’t want to get married.
Post # 5
@MichiganGirl24: I would let it go too. I am going to pick out my dress with my partner and we intend to do that alone. I hope it doesn’t insult my sister, my SILs, or anyone else but it’s my choice. As for who she is marrying, if you comment on that it will backfire on you in a big way. You don’t get a say and so long as she is happy (she said “yes” to him so that means she is happy), that is all that matters. If she has to choose between you and her husband, you will not win. It will also be so awkward if she knows you don’t think they are good together. I wouldn’t socialize with anyone who thought that about my relationship.
Post # 6
@Andthepupmakes3: I mainly am concerned about the dress thing. I understand that not everyone makes a big deal about finding their dress. But it was very unlike her. The way she talked about it was so.. drab.
As far as troubles with her FI, I know I can’t/shouldn’t say/do anything about that.
Post # 7
I think there are plenty of brides who are super laid-back. Maybe she was just listening to the bridal magazines/shows that tell you not to bring anyone?
Post # 8
Maybe she isn’t the type of bride to gush about all things wedding, or maybe she is down playing things to you so that you aren’t both just talking weddings all the time. As far as the dress goes I wouldn’t put too much weight on how she is behaving after she bought her dress, I probably came of the same way to people- I only went shopping with my mom no bridesmaids not even my sisters.
Post # 9
Post # 10
@MichiganGirl24: I think if you end up talking to her about her lack of enthusiasm over the dress, you will ultimately end up in a conversation regarding her relationship.
That aside, I really didn’t care about my dress. I didn’t go into the shop and cry when I found it. It was the first one I tried on, and I loved it. I tried on one other one, and because my mind went back to the first one that was what I went with. I didn’t gush about it (I went by myself). I find it odd so many ladies on here put so much effort into their dress, but that is becuase it is important to them, not me, and there is nothing wrong with that.
I would just let it go.
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Not all girls make a big deal about the dress…I certainly didn’t. Just went with my mom. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.
Post # 12
Although you are her MOH, since your FIs are such good friends as well, I’m not sure if she would confide (and if so, how much) in you about her relationship. I would just continue to be a supportive friend and maybe reach out to her a little bit more than usual…
We had a couple of friends get engaged and married soon after us. Their relationship story was much different than ours…and their wedding planning as well. We tried not to read too much into this and instead focus on ourselves.
Post # 13
@MichiganGirl24: I fail to see what the problem is. Not every bride is excited about dress shopping. I, for example, could not have cared less about the whole thing. I went on a whim, purchased the first dress I tried on, and did not care much about the whole ordeal. I remember the lady at the bridal shop telling me: “your dad is going to cry when he sees you in this dress…” My response? “ehh… nope, there will be no crying or butterflies or any of that from anyone involved.” Maybe your friend just does not care all that much about the dress shopping experience . . .
Again, I do not see what the problem is or how this should raise any concerns.
Post # 14
I 100% don’t want a wedding dress and will probably be married in a white sundress or cocktail dress. Doesn’t mean anything about my relationship. I find a wedding dress a waste of money.
As far as what I did when I was unsure about the guy my friend was marrying-I encouraged premarital counseling. Not in a you have something to fix way, but in a this is a great tool in understanding each other better way. I don’t know if they ever went, she married the guy and they seem happy so far (crosses fingers)!
Post # 15
@MichiganGirl24: Hi Again, Michigan girl!
I don’t think it’s that odd that she found a wedding dress so soon-I mean, I’m not engaged but I DEF know what kind of dress I want and I’ve been snooping around online (even though its not my turn yet lol), but maybe your MOH is the same and so it didn’t take long to find. I also know of another woman who found her dress before anything else and pretty soon after the engagement.
As for being excited about it-I know I can be over the top so I expect everyone to be over the top excited for things but some people are just very practical. I wonder if this is part of it.
Sleeping on the couch once a week-my parents do this and have for like 33 years lol. They really enjoy the entire ‘break up to make up’ part of it, I love them both but they are drama queens (my brother and I joke all the time that my mom deserves an acadamy award because she’s always so dramatic!), and maybe this is just how they are.
If you are going to ask her about the dress, maybe you can just ask HOW she got it. Who was with her? Then you might get more of a picture of what happeend, if she was pushed, whatever. You could make a little joke ‘On this website one of the bee’s said they’ve been looking at dresses without being engaged, was this you too?’ and have something to laugh about. I joke with my friends all the time that I’ve started planning the wedding before the engagement-oh well! It’s all in good fun.
With that said, sry if its getting long-I know a woman who’s bff got proposed too and she was depressed and spent a week in bed or whatever…then all of the sudden her BF proposed and all was well. It’s been MUCH speculated that he only proposed because he was pressured, and she beat her bff to the alter by 3 weeks lol. Who knows what the situation is but I can tell you how it looks to everyone else!!! And if that is the case of your MOH…then honestly I would be sensitive to her situation because she probably is not as happy as you and your FI.