(Closed) Worried about MOH

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I do not think this is a big deal. I love my husband to death, but I wasn’t super obsessive over our wedding. I picked out my dress while I was randomly shopping one afternoon after work alone. I understand you want the best for her, but just because she did not make a big to do about buying a dress or having a wedding doesn’t mean that her marriage is doomed. 

Post # 4
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@MichiganGirl24:  I would let it all go.  You can’t do or say anything about her choice to get engaged to this guy whether they are sleeping separately because of fights or not.  You just have to trust she’ll figure it out and be there if/when she does.

As for the dress, I agree with PP that some people make it a much bigger deal than others.  Try not to read into it as a sign she doesn’t want to get married.  

Post # 5
9682 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@MichiganGirl24:  I would let it go too. I am going to pick out my dress with my partner and we intend to do that alone. I hope it doesn’t insult my sister, my SILs, or anyone else but it’s my choice. As for who she is marrying, if you comment on that it will backfire on you in a big way. You don’t get a say and so long as she is happy (she said “yes” to him so that means she is happy), that is all that matters. If she has to choose between you and her husband, you will not win. It will also be so awkward if she knows you don’t think they are good together. I wouldn’t socialize with anyone who thought that about my relationship.

Post # 7
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think there are plenty of brides who are super laid-back. Maybe she was just listening to the bridal magazines/shows that tell you not to bring anyone?

Post # 8
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Maybe she isn’t the type of bride to gush about all things wedding, or maybe she is down playing things to you so that you aren’t both just talking weddings all the time. As far as the dress goes I wouldn’t put too much weight on how she is behaving after she bought her dress, I probably came of the same way to people- I only went shopping with my mom no bridesmaids not even my sisters.

Post # 10
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MichiganGirl24:  I think if you end up talking to her about her lack of enthusiasm over the dress, you will ultimately end up in a conversation regarding her relationship.

That aside, I really didn’t care about my dress. I didn’t go into the shop and cry when I found it. It was the first one I tried on, and I loved it. I tried on one other one, and because my mind went back to the first one that was what I went with. I didn’t gush about it (I went by myself). I find it odd so many ladies on here put so much effort into their dress, but that is becuase it is important to them, not me, and there is nothing wrong with that.

I would just let it go.

Post # 11
2958 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Not all girls make a big deal about the dress…I certainly didn’t. Just went with my mom. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.

Post # 12
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Although you are her Maid/Matron of Honor, since your FIs are such good friends as well, I’m not sure if she would confide (and if so, how much) in you about her relationship.  I would just continue to be a supportive friend and maybe reach out to her a little bit more than usual…

We had a couple of friends get engaged and married soon after us.  Their relationship story was much different than ours…and their wedding planning as well.  We tried not to read too much into this and instead focus on ourselves.


Post # 13
888 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@MichiganGirl24:  I fail to see what the problem is.  Not every bride is excited about dress shopping.  I, for example, could not have cared less about the whole thing.  I went on a whim, purchased the first dress I tried on, and did not care much about the whole ordeal.  I remember the lady at the bridal shop telling me: “your dad is going to cry when he sees you in this dress…”  My response? “ehh… nope, there will be no crying or butterflies or any of that from anyone involved.”  Maybe your friend just does not care all that much about the dress shopping experience . . .

Again, I do not see what the problem is or how this should raise any concerns.


Post # 14
1380 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I 100% don’t want a wedding dress and will probably be married in a white sundress or cocktail dress. Doesn’t mean anything about my relationship. I find a wedding dress a waste of money.

As far as what I did when I was unsure about the guy my friend was marrying-I encouraged premarital counseling. Not in a you have something to fix way, but in a this is a great tool in understanding each other better way. I don’t know if they ever went, she married the guy and they seem happy so far (crosses fingers)!


Post # 15
2037 posts
Buzzing bee

@MichiganGirl24:  Hi Again, Michigan girl!

I don’t think it’s that odd that she found a wedding dress so soon-I mean, I’m not engaged but I DEF know what kind of dress I want and I’ve been snooping around online (even though its not my turn yet lol), but maybe your Maid/Matron of Honor is the same and so it didn’t take long to find.  I also know of another woman who found her dress before anything else and pretty soon after the engagement. 

As for being excited about it-I know I can be over the top so I expect everyone to be over the top excited for things but some people are just very practical.  I wonder if this is part of it.

Sleeping on the couch once a week-my parents do this and have for like 33 years lol.  They really enjoy the entire ‘break up to make up’ part of it, I love them both but they are drama queens (my brother and I joke all the time that my mom deserves an acadamy award because she’s always so dramatic!), and maybe this is just how they are.

If you are going to ask her about the dress, maybe you can just ask HOW she got it.  Who was with her?  Then you might get more of a picture of what happeend, if she was pushed, whatever.  You could make a little joke ‘On this website one of the bee’s said they’ve been looking at dresses without being engaged, was this you too?’ and have something to laugh about.  I joke with my friends all the time that I’ve started planning the wedding before the engagement-oh well!  It’s all in good fun.

With that said, sry if its getting long-I know a woman who’s bff got proposed too and she was depressed and spent a week in bed or whatever…then all of the sudden her Boyfriend or Best Friend proposed and all was well.  It’s been MUCH speculated that he only proposed because he was pressured, and she beat her bff to the alter by 3 weeks lol.  Who knows what the situation is but I can tell you how it looks to everyone else!!!  And if that is the case of your Maid/Matron of Honor…then honestly I would be sensitive to her situation because she probably is not as happy as you and your Fiance.


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