- 4 years ago
- Wedding: December 2014
I’ve posted a few times in recent months as I’m constantly reflecting on my life and determined not to make the same mistakes I’ve made in the past!
To summarise, in June I left my marriage. It was pretty heart breaking but I knew it was necessary (he changed his mind about kids etc). In august I met a great guy on tinder. I was on tinder with the mindset of dating, getting out of the house, not being a misery guts etc. He was my third date and we clicked right away. The first few weeks were full on – passionate, lots of sex, lots of fun nights out etc.
About a month in I posted on here asking if attraction can grow. I started wondering if I was really attracted to him (all the sex and spending time together would suggest that I was), but I started worrying a lot if the relationship was too soon. I did a few weird things in this time, like break down crying in front of a bridal shop in FRONt of him (the horror and shame) and he was divine and super supportive. I definitely think I got in to the relationship too soon but our connection was strong and comfortable so I wanted to continue. I realised that I did definitely find him attractive (and still do) and that my concerns were more related to my not being over my ex.
Things were getting better and better with my new person but I did notice the sex becoming less frequent. I know he is tired during the week after work but it seemed a little too soon to drop off. I mentioned this and he said his sex drive isn’t super high. I explained that mine is quite high and he tried to meet me in the middle.
In November I unexpectedly discovered I was pregnant. I was delighted though shocked. He was great. Our bond during this time was super strong and I was quite giddy even though I knew it meant a massive curve ball for us. Two weeks later I sadly miscarried. Again he was great – took the day off work to take me to appointments and look after me etc.
since then, things have been a little different. The sex is less still. I asked him if it’s because of the pregnancy and he said no, it’s more psychological. I have a high sex drive and am worried that this represents an area of incompatibility. As I write this after all the supportive things I’ve said about him, I feel like a selfish cow. I also wrote a post about his expressiveness. “Words of affirmation” is my love language, and while he tries, I think it doesn’t come super naturally to him. He is an acts of service guy, and would do anything for me.
I miss him when he’s away and look forward to seeing him. We have lots of fun together. I’m not sure if I’m over analysing because of my recent divorce or if I’m ignoring my gut. Is there any hope for us? I really adore him. I’ve lost faith in my ability to choose the right person for myself. My friends and family love him. I also think I might still be getting over the miscarriage. Do I give this relationship more time? Everyone says “if you have to ask, you know the answer”, but I’m actually hoping you’ll give me some hope!
Sorry this is so freaking long.