(Closed) Worried about my relationship

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Is there hope for us?
    Yes! Lots of positive things here : (21 votes)
    42 %
    Maybe- give it time : (21 votes)
    42 %
    No : (8 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee

    I don’t think there is anything wrong with your relationship. I just don’t think you are ready to move on. The guys sounds great and I’m not seeing any red flags, I just think you are truly not ready for another relationship just yet. That’s all. And it’s okay to feel that way. But you will have to talk to him about this. It’s not fair to be feeling this way and leaving him in the dark.

    Post # 3
    Member
    701 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    Sounds like you suffer from crippling self doubt: always second guessing and always worried about everything.

    Guys are pretty straightforward, it would be pretty evident if he didn’t want to be here with you. He would start avoiding you, or making up a ton of excuses to not be around. You’ve asked him about his diminished sex drive and he answered: he’s processing it all.

    If you start to notice him withdrawing from you, it might be a sign that the relationship is burning out, and ran its course. You didn’t do anything wrong, there wasn’t a mistake: sometimes relationships just fade away. 

    It’s almost like you’re waiting for the heartbreak, you’re expecting it because maybe deep down you know the answer.

    Post # 7
    Member
    193 posts
    Blushing bee

    Sorry bee but it sounds like you’re not ready for another serious relationship just yet. Maybe you should take some time for yourself and work on your personal self doubt issues. I hope things work out for you! 

    Post # 8
    Member
    1338 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

    I think it’s too soon and you probably need some alone time 

    Post # 9
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    ne11y23 :  tell him about your struggles with processing your divorce and feeling not ready to move on.

    Post # 11
    Member
    158 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    While I do agree that you probably aren’t over your divorce and you went into this relationship quite quickly, I think that some of your uncertainty stems from just coming out of a failed marriage. I do however see the potential in your current relationship and you see to have a good man in your life. I think life is too short to just throw away a relationship because you aren’t 100% ready. I don’t think many people are 100% ready when they meet the one. I certainly wasn’t. I was so unsure about my relationship that I broke up with him twice in the first two months since he was extremely shy, wouldn’t talk, nothing. But something kept me going back and here were are engaged and we’ve never been happier and he is now so open with me and he is truly amazing. And for the sex thing, I can relate, i have a high sex drive and he has a lower one, so we try to compromise and meet in the middle. We try for 3 times a week. If I’m on my period or one of us is sick then it’s sometimes less, but also some weeks it’s 4 times. If you both work at it, you will make it work. I would say give this guy a chance, maybe he is truly the one for you. And I would also suggest you start therapy to help you fully recover from your divorce and help get over your uncertainty. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    460 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2006

    View original reply
    ne11y23 :  maybe instead of a book you can start out with a few counseling sessions to help you sort through your thoughts and where they stem from. A lot of times people just need an unbiased ear to listen and someone to validate your feelings who doesn’t know you. A counselor would be great for this. He sounds like a great guy and you seem pretty happy with him. It sounds like the sex thing is the only thing making you doubt right now and it could come from self esteem issues or just you overthinking it to the point where you think it’s a compatibility issue. And since you tend to overthink things the compatibility thing is a way to blow it out of proportion and subconsciously jeopardize what you have. Especially if he’s willing to work on it and meet you halfway. I think some counseling to help you process your divorce and also your thoughts would be a great idea. 

     

    Also I would not make a huge decision based on your poll results. I just saw that and I think it’s something else that could add to your overthinking and over analyzing yet it’s just a poll on a forum of people that don’t know you. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    9952 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    It sounds like you’re not ready for another serious commitment quite yet.  You just got divorced a few months ago and immediately jumped into a new relationship.  Which is all perfectly normal and known as a “rebound” relationship.  You are still in a healing process from your divorce and this new man is part of that healing process.  Only time will tell whether your relationship will grow past the rebound/healing stage or whether it will not. 

    Enjoy your life, it sounds like you’re doing all the right things, actually.  And, your rebound guy is a great person and not a jerk who would further damage your self-esteem.  Anyone’s self-esteem takes a hit after a divorce, also perfectly normal.

    Give yourself time and breathing room.  Don’t focus on trying to fix this new relationship, work on healing yourself.  If he’s not the right one at least he’s the right one right now.  There is no need for all this pressure you’re putting on yourself.  You’re a good person and you’re on your way to a better place in your life.

    FWIW, I voted “maybe” in the poll.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1338 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

    View original reply
    ne11y23 :  is it really fair to string him along while you figure yourself out? I think you need to be on your own to do that in my opinion 

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