(Closed) Worried about my sister :(

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1124 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m so sorry you and your sister is going through this.

But I’ve been in her shoes. I don’t know if you’re looking for advice or not but coming from her perspective I wouldn’t say anything until she said something. Right now she may not be ready to aknowledge the toxicity of her marriage and if she’s not ready, discussing this will just push her away. I would stay around and just be there for her all the while holding my tongue until she wanted to talk about it (which will happen in time, it took me 4 years to be able to talk about it before and when I did my family was all very supportive and convinced me to leave which was the best decision I ever made) as much as it sucks to watch someone you love go through that, for her sake and for the sake of your relationship I wouldn’t say anything. Just be there for her when she needs it. In time she will stop being in denial and will start to see the way things really are. She will likely have trouble leaving as much as she wants to, and will have every excuse in the book not to leave but when you feel she is ready to leave and make it stick, support her and remind her, all it takes it to put one foot in front of the other and walk out the door, she doesn’t have to think about it, doesn’t have to think about the future and what might happen, just one foot in front of the other and the rest will fall into place. I don’t know if he’s abusive toward her physically but it sounds like he’s at least emotionally abusive which is the hardest to escape from because they make you feel like you are nothing without them. Just be there for her and one day she will be ready to leave.

Post # 4
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Oh my gosh, I hardly know what to say. First of all, (((HUGS))) to you! I can see why you’re concerned, I would be too. Your BIL may not be physically abusive (yet!) but there are other ways to make a woman’s life a living hell without actually laying a finger on her. I find this kind of language and behaviour very disturbing! 

How is your sister, has she changed lately? Has marrying him made her seem like a quieter and more fearful person? Has she seemed down to you lately? I’d find being married o a person like your BIL very hard but if your sister doesn’t seem to mind his ways, I don’t suppose you could do much. But  if she seems to be suffering, even if she tries to hide it, maybe it would be time to talk to her? 

I’m sorry I can’t offer any better advice, maybe the other bees will know better. But you do have every right to be concerned, it’s your sister! 

Post # 5
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think kris325 summoned up very well, all you can really do is to be there for her. Perhaps give her a call today to ask her if she feel better, if there’s anything you can do if she’s still feeling sick, talk about what a great mum she will become… just providing support and encouragement.

Post # 6
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@SweetMelissa429:  I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. Your post made me so sad and I couldn’t imagine having to sit back and watch that unfold feeling like there is nothing you can do. I am very close with my sisters and in this situation I would likely say something and let her know that our family is there for her and very concerned. I wish I could offer you better advice OP. I will pray for your family. 

Post # 8
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think you should say something to your sister.

Just start a gentle conversation with her. You noticed a few things about him, you are concerned because they are about to have a baby… has he ever treated her like that?

If she defensive, just reassure her you were just concerned and you aren’t trying to be judgmental. Even if she seems to brush  you off, you have at least given her something to think about when she is alone.

Reasons you should say something:

– he is clearly controlling and abusive

– they are bringing a child into this marriage

– being abused changes who you are

I say this because I have a sister who is in an abusive relationship. She is very slowly trying to extricate herself from this toxic man. I thought she was a huge firecracker too! She is a school teacher so she is used to being very authoratative and in charge. She is still like this. But in the relationship (now 8 years long) she has been accustomed to his abuse and neglect and is very vulnerable and fragile. If someone had said something to her, maybe she would have thought twice about having a second baby with this man. If someone had said something to her maybe she wouldn’t have helped pay off HIS tens of thousands of dollars of debt and spent the money on trying to get herself out.

Please say something.

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