(Closed) Worried about offending FMIL

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Oh, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I can’t imagine how awkward and uncomfortable it has to be with her butting in and trying to steer your wedding her way. I wish I had some advice for you, but I hope some other bees do! ((Hugssss!))

Post # 4
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Um, I’m a bit speechless. I would probably do what I do with my Future Mother-In-Law. Nod and smile at the time, and completely ignore it later on.

Post # 5
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@bearlove:Wow poor you! I would totally blame it on someone else – your maid of honor, mother, sister, best friend, or anyone you feel would best serve your purpose. Just say “Awww, those toasting flutes are sooo cute, but unfortunately (blank) has already picked some out for us. She’s super excited and she’s sort of taking charge! In fact, I kinda wish she’d back off a little and let me handle things myself!”  Maybe she will take the hint. 

Post # 6
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

That’s crazy! I agree with the others… nod and smile and then do your own thing. 

Post # 7
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@bearlove: Been there. I was doing the smile and nod thing, and the no thanks thing, till I needed to take things up a notch.

The other thing I ended up doing (after the smile and nod stopped working) was to tell her things in a way that made it clear that I was only “informing” her of things, rather than running ideas past her. For example, “My bouquet will be all roses”, rather than “I’m thinking of having an all rose bouquet”. If you say it very definitely and assertively, hopefully she will get the hint.

When my Future Mother-In-Law *still* didn’t realise I didn’t want to involve her in planning, I just stopped talking about it altogether. She would ask questions about whether I’d gotten the flowers or booked the DJ, and I’d just say yes. (although I do note that you want to include her in the planning)

I think the trick is to have boundaries, and be consistent with them. I realised that what I was doing wroing initially was to let her have input, but then completely disregard it. It probably wasn’t very fair to her. 

Good luck 🙂

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