Post # 1
My brothers Girlfriend Sam I feel is expecting to be my bridesmaid (she has hinted heavily). We are not very close and I feel at times that she is incredibly difficult to deal with as she has a very volatile personality.
I have decided that I want to keep the wedding party small and have decided on 2 bridesmaids and a 2 friends who I have been friends with for over 10 years and mean the world to me to do a reading each. Both my Fiance and I’s brothers will be groomsmen and Sam and my brothers child will be a flower girl.
I am really sensitive and dont want to hurt her feelings but I cant deal with the stress of having her in my wedding. I also feel like if I included her I would need to include my Fiances sister in law to be fair.
I am happy with my decision but im extremley sensitive and worried about the confronation and nastiness this descion will bring. Does anyone have any advice? I have spoken to my brother about this but he doesnt seem to think it will be a problem but he just buries hishead in the sand (it will be!)
Post # 3
Hopefully it won’t be a problem. If she says anything, explain that you’d love to include her, but you weren’t able to space-wise, since you and your Fiance picked X number of attendants. You had certain lifelong friends who you really wanted to include, and unfortunately you can’t celebrate with her as an attendant.
Would you be open to giving her another position, like being a reader? That could placate her if she gets upset.
Post # 4
It can be so difficult in these situations! I like PP’s idea of saying you had no choice because you wanted the numbers in each of your wedding parties to match. Just try to remember its your wedding…and if you handle this in a nice and graceful way, you’ve done all you can do and if she chooses to be angry, it’s her problem…not yours. It’s the best you can do!
Post # 5
I would just focus on telling her you wanted to keep the bridal party small. You don’t need to get into too many details and you can just focus on telling her you’ve known your two friends a long time so that’s why they are in it. Hope it goes well for you!
Post # 6
I wouldn’t say anything for as long as possible – she’ll figure out that she’s not being asked. If she does confront you about it (which would be rude) then tell her you can’t have more than 2 like the PP suggested.
Post # 7
Thanks for the advice. Its hard when you just want everyone to be happy!
I wish I could ignore it but I know its going to be brought up in conversation and im going to worry about it until we have spoken about it.
I think when it does I wont mention the readers as I dont see why she would need to know this and I will stress for financial reasons (partly the truth) we have decided to keep it small.
Post # 8
Ahh difficult!! I would just have a role you can allocate to her – like handing out the programs so you can still involve her without really involving her!
Post # 9
If her daughter is a flower girl, could you have her walk down the aisle with her daughter if her daughter is young enough that it would be appropriate? However, it doesn’t sound like you want to include her, which is ok too. I have someone in my family who has quite a temper and I always dread having to interact with her, especially for things that I know will make her angry. Good Luck and I would have your fiancee there with you and your brother too for the conversation.
Post # 10
What if you ask her to witness signing your license. That’s a special role- I would be honored to do that for someone!
Post # 11
I got to sign my sisters (friend of 22 years) license. That meant sooooooooo much to me. She didn’t have any bridesmaids. And she picked me out of all her lovely friends to sign the paper. Really I was a proxy for her…bitch of a sister(blood), as the groom had his (blood) brother sign for his side.
I felt very honored and practiced my signiture for a week before the wedding so it would be perfect.