Post # 1
So we have just started the planning process and I realized while putting together the guest list that we have more than a few rowdy guys who might stir up trouble at the reception. Not that that I would ever think they would do it intentionally but a few of my man’s friends are 18 going on 26 and never really learned to control themselves while drinking. We want the reception to be a party and a good time and drinks are important for us to have, but I am worried some of his friends may over do it and make a scene. I mean one of them ended up in the drunk tank last weekend. They are great guys sober and I just was wondering if any of you have been in similar situations or your opinions. I am wondering if we should sit down and talk with them or if that would cause tension, or the wrong idea? I have conisdered limiting the amount of liquor drinks served, or having a seperate party later on that night, as it will be a day wedding, to convince them to save it for later. Thoughts?
Post # 2
Since they are your fi’s friends, he should sit them down and explain in no uncertain terms that he expects them to behave like grown adults, to not be rowdy and most importantly to not drive drunk. There should be some consequences lined out — your Fi will ask the bartenders to cut them off if he needs to, and he will ask them to leave if they can’t behave. And then your Fi needs to carry through on those consequences if warranted.
Post # 3
Horseradish: Yes, I like the idea of your Fiance talking to them. You stay out of it. Let him have a “man to man” conversation with them, and hopefully that will be enough.
I don’t see any need for a later party. One party on your wedding day is enough! The bachelor party is the time for them to be drunk and silly, if they want to. The wedding is the time for them to behave like adults.
Post # 4
llussier: Asking them not to get wasted is useless. Of course they’re gonna tell you/FI what you want to hear if you ask them now. Actually you can’t serve alcohol while at the same time verbally dictating how much one should consume. It’s up to you and your Fiance to decide beforehand when or how much alcohol is served, but once it’s there you can’t tell your guests how much they can drink.
Post # 5
It is one thing to have concerns about a friends drinking and taking them aside to talk about the issue but it is entirely different to take aside a group of adults to admonish them for something that has not and may not even happen.
Talking to them about the amount YOU deem is acceptable is rather insulting.
The person you should be talking to is the person responsible for the service of the alcohol at your event. They should not be serving clearly drunk guests.
Post # 6
Thank you for all the feedback and I in no way assume that they will outright make a scene, these are still our friends and we respect them. However I should have mentioned before that these same individuals at a mutual friend’s wedding complained to him, the groom, at the reception for not having enought alcohol. They actually got upset that his bride was religous and had really limited the amount of alcohold available to guests in respect to her conservative family. They grabbed what they could from the open bar of beer and wine only, drank got upset and left. We are just hoping this does not happen again, and since they are closer friends with my Fiance and myself have a little more respect and understanding.
Post # 7
llussier: have someone on the bar to hand out drinks so it will limit them grabbing all the alcohol. If they get upset and leave over limited alcohol then I personally would be questioning whether they were truly friend material.
Post # 8
My sentiments exactly I had hope they might have matured a little since then but they’re still the same ol’ party animals which I love them for at times, just not when my grandparents and young cousins are going to be around. I am hoping this will end up just being worrying for no reason, however my Fiance has stated he won’t tolerate them treating the reception like a frat party. We shall see!
Post # 9
llussier: You said it is a day wedding. What time does your reception start?
For my first wedding, I shared your concerns, only it was not about my FI’s friends, it was about my alcoholic parents. For that reason we had an afternoon reception with hors d’oevres, punch and cake. People were on their own for dinner. After we left for our honeymoon, my Dad had all the drinkers over to his place for a party.
That way I had the pleasant reception I wanted, and they got to drink and party later.
Post # 10
I am hoping for a similar situation. The reception will start around 2 or 3 we are doing like a southern bbq feel so we thought we would have some lawn games, lounge areas, you know just to relax, eat, and have a few drinks. I am hoping since we all live near the Downtown area of my city our friends will just want to go out with us afterwards and if they wanna get buck wild then well more power to them. I really want them to have fun at the reception, just not at the expense of everyone else. They are good friends and have known my Fiance along time so they definitely need to included I am just hoping they realize they need to show a little decorum.