(Closed) Worried dad is going to be rude at wedding :(

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
5863 posts
Bee Keeper

If your dad feels neglected because you two aren’t close, he might try not being a racist demanding ass. This is on him, not you, and if you can’t trust him not to put his petty prejudices and jealousies aside on your wedding day don’t let him come. You will be a nervous wreck worrying about his behaviour and may even sub-consciously act aloof toward your in-laws just so daddy dearest doesn’t feel snubbed and start a scene. You should be happy and focused on your groom on your wedding day, not consumed with worry and walking on eggshells. And even walking on eggshells isn’t enough to guarantee a drama free wedding, because you can’t count on irrational people like your father to act rationally. Or decently. Or put his daughter’s feelings before his own on a very special day in her life. I know this sounds harsh when he’s family, but sometimes you have to draw the line where toxic relatives are concerned.

Post # 3
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I just had my Dad call and say that if I invited my grandma he wouldn’t come to the wedding… Heck I thought I could decide who was invited without having to deal with a blackmailing Dad. Glad to know I’m not alone!! I think you can do wtv you want it’s your day and make it clear that he won’t even have to show up to the wedding if he starts behaving like a child.

Post # 4
8573 posts
Bumble Beekeeper



Oh dear poor you , what a nasty dilemma. Your last line says it all I think . You know, I think I would write to him more  or  less as you have  written   to us, ( the substance of your concerns about the wedding  that is , not the past   ) and particularly  how anxious it is making you . And finish by  by saying , can  he promise you to not to do   do anything untoward on  your wedding day but to  save any issues  till later ( at which time you can engage with him if you  wish  or ignore  him or put the phone down , or whatever  )  If he says no he can’t promise, I think you are going to  have  to reluctantly  not invite him. You don’t have to tell him finally until later though.  . You  might also use the opportunity to gently but firmly  point out  that he has no rights at all to dictate guest list  ( I’m asuming he is in no way helping  financially  )  

Post # 5
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

SitkaSpruce:  “Dear Dad, I really want you to be at my wedding and have an enjoyable day. However, I don’t think I can promise you that I won’t interact or pay attention to my inlaws. I will have many people and demands on my time. I want to be a gracious host to everyone. I hope you can understand and also feel proud that you raise a daughter who is so caring of everyone around her. I also hope that if I do something that accidently offends you, that you will hold your tongue and take the high road. Please know that I never ever want to do anything that offends you. And if you have a problem, can you wait until after the wedding to discuss it with me? Remember this day is about Groom and me and the uniting of families. It’s about happines and joy. I love you very much and I look forward to sharing this happiness and joy with you. Love, Me”

Post # 6
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sorry I read this and my first thought was, what a baby. Throwing a tantrum because you’re talking to your in laws. I presume (and hope) that when you have spent time with him and your ILs that you don’t ignore him completely but just spend less time with him than if it were just him to talk to. Sounds to me like a child who doesn’t like sharing.

So how much attention does he think he deserves then at the wedding? I barely spent anytime with my father. Obviously we were there together but that doesn’t mean we had “time together” we were busy doing other things. Also what does he mean by “attention to your ILs during the ceremony”? Your attention isn’t supposed to be on anyone apart from your groom.

I can appreciate your concerns about the wedding. Are you inviting any siblings or his siblings so that there is someone to be with him? You can’t be looking after him all the time just because he is lonely. 

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