(Closed) Worried For FBIL….

posted 4 years ago in Family
  • poll: What would you do? Talk to FBIL or just let it go?
    Let it go. None of your business. : (11 votes)
    31 %
    Talk to him and make sure he understands that marriage is a very serious thing and not to jump into : (9 votes)
    25 %
    Give him my opinion and leave it at that : (16 votes)
    44 %
  • Post # 3
    1847 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    How can they have a wedding if they can’t even support themselves? And on that note, WHY are you guys supporting them?? As far as I can tell he is a capable grown man and should be supporting himself, you guys are enabling him – stop giving him money now.

    as for his relationship, that’s none of your business and it doesn’t matter what you do or say, he’s going to do what he wants anyways. This man needs to grow up and make his own mistakes. let him.

    Post # 4
    5281 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @beehelp:  I would say to stay out of his relationship. He is an adult and can make his own decisions. In my eyes, there is a much bigger issue here….

    Why is your FI supporting him? $1000 is A LOT of money that you could be saving each month. It sounds like there’s no real reason for him to not have a job. And if the shyness is so debilitating (social anxiety, etc.) he should go on disability and get support that way. I would NOT be happy if my FI was throwing away that much money for no reason each month. 

    Tough love but I’d tell him you can no longer support him/or her and he needs to get a job and move out. If someone gave me a place to live and $1000 a month… I wouldn’t leave / find a job either!

    Post # 5
    1478 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Wow, this whole situation sounds like a trainwreck! I understand you want to lookout for your BIL and prevent him from marrying this woman, but I have to agree with @FortiesFlare: . He is a grown man and shoud be able to take care of himself. Stop supporting him and giving him money every month. I think this is one of those times that he will only learn from making a mistake.

    Post # 7
    1651 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    @beehelp:  I would have FI sit down and talk to him about what is going on. Make sure he really is doing ok and that this is absolutely 100% what he wants. If FI suspects that his brother is being abused by her, then he should let him know that he loves him and will always be there for him if he needs help.

    If he is completely committed to the idea (and there is no abuse involved) then I would cut him off financially. I’m not a mean person, but I am realistic and it isn’t fair that the two of you would be helping to support another couple without a good reason (like medical emergency or something). And, if you guys are ok with this and there is no abuse involved, I would consider telling him that helping out around the house is required if he wants to continue staying with you guys.

    Either way, this is your FBIL’s decision to make. Once this conversation has taken place I wouldn’t mention it again unless he brings it up or he doesn’t abide by the rules (like helping out around the house).

    Post # 8
    2613 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    On the one hand, it’s none of your business. On the other hand, I have seen this situation before. Girls like her are predators, and they look for naive guys like your BIL. You need to keep your mouth shut, but his brother can certainly talk to him.

    Post # 11
    1269 posts
    Bumble bee

    Why is BIL being treated like a child? Does he not have a job? Is he handicapped?

    Post # 12
    859 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    All I can think of is that she must have a bad history as a mother if she does not have custody of 75% of her children. Have you ever brought that up to your FBIL? 

    Also, I second anyone that says you need to stop supporting him financially. I know it’s painful to watch a loved one suffer consequences but he NEEDS to. Also, if he’s not getting so much money from yall it may make the girl change her mind. She sounds like she may be in it to just be taken care of by your FBIL.

    Post # 15
    539 posts
    Busy bee

    I think your opinion is valid, and if have a close relationship with him and you are concerned, I would let him know.

    I also feel that you and your husband should quit financially supporting him, he will be a married man, and that means a grown adult and needs to learn to support himself and his family now on his own.

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