Worried he’s not going to propose

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
5038 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

You need to tell your family and friends to CHILL OUT because its causing the both of you anxiety and likely contributing to the delay.

He says he has a plan so for the moment I would practice patience and believe him.  Hopefully next month he will pull through on your vacation.  If not, at that point you may want to discuss a clear timeline for your future. Alternatively, you could propose to him.

Post # 3
Member
3458 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Why are so many other people in your relationship? Tell everyone to mind their own business. I can imagine he feels an insane amount of pressure not just to propose, but to propose just right in a way that won’t upset anyone. He planned a proposal and you shot it down because other people were gonna have something to say about it. Who cares what they have to say? If this is the man you want to marry and he was ready to ask, why would you tell him not to? 

First step, get all the other cooks out of the kitchen. This relationship is between you and him. Second step, talk to him about when you would like to take the next step and ask him what his timeline is. If they don’t match up, find a compromise. Stop letting other people interfere.

Post # 4
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with the two above. It sounds like he’s getting whiplash trying to make everyone happy and telling him what your dad said isn’t helping.  His mom sounds like a horrible issue too. I wouldn’t be concerned about his hesitation. It’s possible when he found out his mom didn’t like you that he had to go through and accept that to go forward with you means he is going to have to distance himself from his mother. I don’t think he’s a horrible guy for stopping to think it all through. 

I would chill out and enjoy what’s left of the holiday together. It totally sounds like he’s committed to you and has a plan.

Post # 5
Member
958 posts
Busy bee

maria9615 :  gotta find a way to ask your family to chillax since your bf already told you he’s freaking out because of the pressure. I suppose you’re feeling that same pressure too. Just wondering, are your family members expecting a super surprise proposal with lots of romantic fluffs just like the movies? 

How about just enjoying your upcoming holidays and treat it as a date instead of a yet-another-potential-proposal opportunity? Enjoy his company and try to live in the present moment with him. It will take effort and decision on your side to just let it all go to enjoy his presence in your life.

About the mom, after your holidays, then only have a good chat about all these.

Post # 7
Member
2919 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

maria9615 :  oh the poor baby feels “pressured”…smh, he’s 31 years old.  Time to grow t.f. up.

Post # 8
Member
1411 posts
Bumble bee

maria9615 :  First off, you need to tell everyone you know to back the f*** off of your relationship. Let me show you how

them: “why aren’t you engaged”
you: “boyfriend and I have our reasons”

them: “but you’re going to be an old mother”
you: “that’s nice”

them: “but you’re living in sin”
you: “I happen to like my life, thank you very much”

them: “but… marriage…!”
you: “This is an important decision that boyfriend and I must make together. As you’re not part of our relationship, the timing does not concern you”

them: “we’re just looking out for you”
you: “I’ve mentioned already, this is a decision between boyfriend and myself. It does not concern you”

Repeat as needed. Shutthat conversation down with a single line each time. If they persist, leave the conversation.

 

Now, about the proposal. You need to sit down and let your fiance know that you are really excited to marry him. You understand there are issues with family tensions. That you are going to tell your family to stop rushing him. That you don’t want to put pressure on him to plan an over the top proposal. But that you really would like to get your life started together. Ask him where his head is at and what he thinks his timeline will be. Ask him if there’s anything that’s particularly stressing him out. Is it family tensions, is it talking to your dad, etc? Reiterate that you just want to be with him and that he doesn’t need to worry about pleasing your family or giving you a pintrest worthy proposal. Then give him time to plan and let him do his thing. If his timeline goes by without a proposal, then bring it up again.

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