- 4 years ago
I have looked around for some time on Weddingbee Boards; although I am not married, I have a boyfriend and some issues have come up, and I just want to get some advice. Here is my story:
Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been together for almost six months. We met at a singles class at a large church that we both go to. I liked him from the first time we talked; we really seemed to hit it off. I ended up talking with him over facebook, he gave me his number, we started texting, he asked me out, and we’ve dated exclusively for the past six months.
He is six years older than me; I am 24 and he is 30. He graduated from college in 2009, and I just got out last month. We went to different schools but both ended up majoring in business. He lived away from home during college and moved to a city about two hours away after college for jobs shortly after he graduated. However, he ended up moving back in with his parents to the city our church is in (which is his hometown) because he hated his job, so he found one at the company his dad works at (his dad is in a high up position at this company). I lived at home during college and still do because I am looking for a job. He comes from a wealthy family, was in a fraternity at college, and loves sports. He absolutely loves to play golf. He has played many famous golf courses, and plays at the country club his parents are members of at least once a week. He also loves football, both college and NFL. His dad gets season tickets to the games at his college, so he goes to every home game. I come from a middle class family. I was not in a soroity during college (for a number of reasons), but was in a professional fraternity for business majors. I am not a big sports fan, but enjoy the outdoors, the beach, music, kayaking, among other things. Our relationship started out fairly smoothly and we have had some fun times together. We started dating in the summer, and his parents have a lake house, so we swam, rode the waverunner, and overall just had fun. We mainly went to dinner and movies, took walks, and just spent time together. I also went to some of his colleges home football games. I have met alot of his family and have been to several family events with him.
However, throughout this time I have noticed that he does not always place me before other things in his life. He spends alot of his free time playing golf and watching football, so most of the time we spend together has to be planned around him doing this. When I graduated from college last month, I asked him to come to my graduation ceremony and he would not come; his reasoning was that it was long, he would not get to talk to me or spend time with me during it, and that I was just going to be on stage for a brief amount of time. The ceremony was on a Friday morning, and he would have had to take a day of vacation, which he did not want to do. He had three vacation days left for the year, and he basically told me that was not what he wanted to take a day off for. He wanted to take the week of Christmas off and spend a day with me and play golf with a friend for the other two days. It bothered me that he did not want to go to my college graduation, because for me it was a very special day, and I would have liked for him to be there. My parents took all of us out to dinner that night, and he came to dinner and gave me gift and a graduation card, and we spent the rest of the evening together.
I have known that he drinks socially, but in the past month or so I have noticed that he has started drinking more when we go out. Last weekend, he got drunk when he was watching a football game at a friend’s house. He ended up driving home drunk and felt terrible the next day because he overdid it. He felt nauseated, was irritable, and very tired. It was Sunday and he could barely get to church. My instinct told me that he had probably had too much to drink the night before, and I asked him if he thought he had too much to drink. He told me no. At lunch he said something to me that his mom thought sounded hurtful, so he called and apologized while I was driving home from seeing him that night. He told me he did have too much to drink the night before; I asked him why he lied to me, and he said that he was afraid I would think less of him and he was embarrassed. I also know that he hides rum in his golf bag because it worries his mom that he drinks too much. Now I am concerned that he has a drinking problem and am considering breaking off our relationship. I know that he drank heavily in college and even after that. He told me earlier that he has pretty much quit drinking, but unfortunately that does not seem to be the case. He has promised me that he will not drink anymore and that he loves me, but I am really rethinking everything right now because I’m not sure that I can trust him. To me believing that he will suddenly quit drinking altogether is very naiive. I do love him and will hate to end the relationship, but there are some flags here that I just can’t ignore. I just want some advice from someone who has different perspectives on it. My mom told me I should break up with him, move on and keep looking. At the very least I feel that taking a step back and reassessing the relationship is necessary. Should I stay or should I go?
Thank you for reading! I know this is long, but I am very torn right now.
- This topic was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by theblondebee.